Deke the Parents
by BunnyHugAddict049
Summary: Matthew is the captain of his hockey team but is hiding that fact from his parents and brother since they consider the sport too dangerous. Wanting to follow his dream by playing on the semi-professional team, Mattie and the team must hide his bruises/black eyes and avoid concussions so that he can lead them to victory. Go Polar Bears! Hilarity ensured with a hint of insanity.
1. Prologue: The Very Beginning

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not Hetalia or the game hockey.

Summary: Matthew William is the captain of his hockey team but is hiding that fact from his family since they claim that the sport is too dangerous, ignoring the fact that their other son is the quarterback of the football team. Matt, with the help of his team mates, attempts to hide his bruises and black eyes while avoiding concussions so that he can stay on the team and lead them to victory. Go Kelowna Polar Bears!

A/N: I promised a prologue since I'm revising the rest of the story so here it is. If there is another update and it's chapter 8, it'll be a safe bet that I got tired of revising and might've just said screw it it's okay enough. It's not filled with insanity or hilarity like the other chapters but I think this story has to be serious in some parts :]. So enjoy xox

Deke the Parents: The Prologue 

**deke**(dk) (pronounces as deek)

_tr.v._ **deked**, **dek·ing**, **dekes**

To deceive (an opponent) in ice hockey by a fake: _deked the goalie with a move from left to right._

_n._

A fake, intended to deceive a member of an opposing team.

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><p>They all watched the words being written on the dry erase board, the black marker squeaking. Some rolled their eyes at the term that they knew since they were eight years old. Others scrunched their eyebrows in confusion, not understanding where the coach was going with this. Others waited patiently. Matthew stared hard at the words, the meaning of them affecting him more than the others.<p>

Deking. It's basically what he's been doing to his parents and Alfred for the past seven years.

He loved hockey. He lived for it. He would feel empty without it in his life.. It was his life.

When his parents took him out at age nine, he was crushed. He was outraged, sad and then numb. His whole world was taken away from him just because body contact was introduced into the sport. They were scared that he would get a head injury or a concussion. His papa was afraid that he would also get his teeth knocked out. He tried telling them that's why he had equipment on. His helmet and mouth guard would protect him.

Alfred had the same issue with football but his parents allowed the noisy boy to continue with it so that they could shut him the hell up. Alfred had followed them around whining and crying until they folded.

Matthew had tried the same tactic but he was so soft-spoken that it didn't have the same effect.

That was when Mathias and Gilbert had came up with the plan: Play behind their backs.

And that was exactly what he did.

Hockey was a part of him that he didn't want to give up. It was in his blood. It is who he is.

When Alfred was little, he would always change what he wanted to be when he grew up. If he saw the garbage man tossing out their trash in the morning than that day he wanted to be just like him. If he saw a cartoon character in space, than he wanted to be an astronaut. A policeman, a fireman, a rockstar. Always changing his dreams and never knowing definitely what he wanted to be.

Not Matthew though. As soon as he saw his first hockey game on the TV, he just knew .With every fiber of his body he promised he would thrive and make that dream possible. His ambition was unwavering. He always knew what he wanted to be.

A hockey player.

The whole team that survived Hockey camp during the summer (which Matthew said he was going to stay with his grandparents. Thank god that they were senile) and the try-outs were in that room. They were currently situated in the huge dressing room that was fancier than the one they all were accustomed to. It still had the white huge bricks as the walls and the rubber flooring but it had the Polar Bear logo on the floor (do not step on it) and banners hanging up. There was even an office in there. Each person had their own cubicle with their names on it. The coach and assistant were giving them the first speech of the season in this room.

The Italian looked out of character as he turned away from the board to face his team, a serious expression that looked out of place on the normally go-lucky guy. His accent almost disappearing completely when he spoke; he was that serious.

"For the past eight years, the Kelowna's Polar Bears have been in the lower ranks, placing bottom a few years. This is our year to take the championship." He tapped the board with the capped marker to emphasize his point. Suddenly the message on the board became clearer: The underdogs are going to fuck things up beyond recognition and take the gold from under their noses. "This is our year!" the Italian started yelling at them, he was met with a chorus of 'Fuck yeahs' and Mathias letting out 'Wooo!'.

He waited for the boys to settle down before continuing with his little speech "Some weak pathetic pussy coined the phrase 'Winning isn't everything' Well for most people in most situation he was right. But we're not most people and this is definitely not most situation." He had the boy's rapt attention.

During the heart-felt speech that left you feeling like you can take on the fucking world and make it your bitch, Gilbert was doodling on the side of his copy of the playbook that they were suppose to memorize frontwards and backwards. Matthew had to squint to make out the crude drawing.

It looked like a threesome, two dudes at each end of a bent over girl. The two guys were in the midst of high-fiving. Gilbert, noticing Mattie admiring his handy work, decided to write down the position: Eiffel Towering. He sent the boy a discrete wink.

The drawing kinda looked like Gilbert, Roderich and Elizabeta but Mattie didn't dare say anything to the oblivious drawer. The albino would just deny it and refuse to talk to him for the day.

"Gilbert, vat are you doing?" The assistant coach, the albino's father, suddenly snapped when he noticed his son not paying attention.

"I'm just studying the playbook," His father just narrowed his eyes in suspicion before turning away.

"You guys are men now. Before you were the little boys buying jerseys with your favourite hockey player's number on it. Now little kids are going to buy those jerseys and they are going to have your names on it."

The team was getting excited now. It showed by the jitteriness that some were having. Mathias was biting his bottom lip in eagerness. This is what they trained for for most of their lives.

"Do you know why I think this team is definitely going to make it to the Junior League finals and take first place? Unlike the other teams that are playing," some of the boys shook their heads.

"You guys have been playing with each other-" The assistant coach narrowed his eyes and dared any of them to snicker at the innuendo "ever since you were five years old. You know each other's weaknesses and strength. The lot of you are basically brothers."

A screen was pulled down and the lights dimmed. The spacebar was pressed on a laptop. The first image of a slide show came into view: A group picture of all of them when they were five years old and playing the first year of hockey. It was when they were Timbits, a program organized by Tim Hortons for young hockey players.

"D'aww. I was so cute when I was little," the small albino in the picture was smiling ear to ear as he clung to the little Canadian beside him in the picture. Cheeks pressed up against each other as they laughed in childish delight. Even back then they were best friends. Older Gilbert grabbed the teen Matthew and put him in a headlock, giving him an affectionate noogie.

"I still am!" All of the others in the room turned towards the albino and simultaneously all muttered 'No you're not," laughing when the boy just waved his hand in a dismissive fashion.

"You used to call me big brother when we were that little," Lukas turned to his brother who had the cubicle right beside him. In the picture the small Icelandic boy was holding his hand. "You should start calling me that again" he poked Erik's cheek (which was getting hotter by the second).

"No. Shut up," Erik shook his head furiously, the blush lighting up on his cheek in embarrassment. He was practically glowing. He smacked the finger away from his face after the fifth poke. Boy was his brother persistent.

Mathias slung his arm over Lukas' shoulder from the other side of him, laughing just like the little Mathias in the picture was doing to an annoyed Lukas. The older Lukas didn't look impressed either with the obnoxious boy.

Tino and Berwald were right beside them. The poor little Finnish boy looked absolutely terrified of the Swede standing next to him. Little Berwald was doing his scary face that looked annoyed as he stared at Little Mathias.

"Aw we used to be so cute!" Tino gushed as he stared adoringly at the group photo of the little rascals. Berwald mumbled his agreement but he was mostly agreeing on that the tiny Finnish boy was the cute one.

A tinier Raivis was on the shoulder of the Russian toodler in the picture. He was clutching Ivan's head, afraid of falling. The Raivis nowadays was now more afraid of the big guy than hitting his head on the ice.

Felik was striking a pose, one arm up in the air and the other on his hip. He was even fabulous at such a small age. Vash was standing right beside him with the same grouchy expression he had on today.

Even the girls (Elizabeta, Lili, Belle, Kat and Natalia) were on the team, all huddled together with arms slung over shoulders. After a few years they split off to join the Girl's league so that they could FUBAR (fuck things up beyond recognition) and show people that girl's could be badasses too.

With another click to keyboard the picture was gone.

"Other teams have only started playing with each other. You guys have been with each other for twelve years," the Italian continued on, making the team stop their comments about how adorable they were.

"The rules and plays are in the books I handed out at the beginning. It holds all the information you need to know to be on this team. Any question just knock on my office door or give me a call. My number and 's is in there with our e-mails. Do not send him," he pointed his thumb at the blonde German man "any funny pictures of cats eating cheeseburgers or anything along that line. Me on the other hand enjoys it very much" he chuckled.

"I only have one more important thing to say to you boys before we start handing out the jerseys." The assistant went off to go drag in the box.

"It's about the things you boys will no doubt get into this year. I know I know. Boys will be boys. I'm not going to tell you no alcohol, drugs or sex or anything like that." All the guys in the room raised an eyebrow at the surprising statement. "All I'm going to say is this: Do. Not. Let. The. Media. Find. Out." He gave all of them a hard stare to tell him that he meant business. "If I read a newspaper and see that one of my boys been caught under the influence or anything like that than I'm going to have to kick him off the team to save face for the Polar Bears and I do not want to do that since I really feel like I need every single one of you for us to make it to number one."

"Play time is over, boys. This is the real deal!" All of them grew antsy. This wasn't going to be like all the other years they played. There was going to be camera's, interviews, and magazine articles on them. Hell they might even get their own playing card if they made it to play offs. People would know their names and some might even want signatures if they make it far enough to be recognized. It thrilled and scared the crap out of Matthew, someone who wasn't used to the limelight. Sure it wasn't the NHL (National Hockey League) but it was still pretty popular and semi-professional.

"Who are you?" The Canadian opened his mouth to say 'Matthew' as an automatic response but shut it after realizing for the first time the question wasn't aimed at him.

"Lars," The Dutchman didn't see anything wrong with him being there despite him not even playing the sport. He was actually on the soccer team, one of the rivals sport team along with football.

"What are you doing here? You're not on the hockey team."

"I'm Mattie's ride," he didn't want to wait outside all by himself. It was a big hockey stadium and it spooked him out to be all alone in such a big space (he was what you called a paranoid stoner)

"Uh okay then... You can be the new water boy," before the stoner could say anything else the coach moved on. They needed a water boy so he didn't give the boy a chance to protest. At least it was better than being the mascot. The suit was really hot and stinky to wear.

"I don't know what to expect from this year's team since a lot of you fought over getting the number 69," the Italian laughed as the German rolled his eyes. He couldn't say anything since his son was one of the ones who was fighting the hardest to get it.

"It's because it's hilarious!" someone claimed.

"ve decided to pick Assistant captains and the captain as we observed you guys train over the summer at Hockey camp. Ve feel ve made the right decision so no bitching, Ja?" the German opened up the cardboard box full of jerseys.

"Ivan Braginski," A orange jersey was thrown in the big guys direction. It had the number '43' on the shoulder and an 'A' on the chest. He was going to be one of the two assistant captains that will help lead the team. He caught it and slipped it on over his chest protector. It only seem fitting that the enforcer of the team was going to wear one of the 'A's.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt," another orange jersey was tossed to the boy, this one with '56' adorning it. The 'A' was also stitched to the chest. He was the second assistant captain.

"And the captain of this team is someone ve think is capable of taking the team to victory," everyone's interest piqued even though they had a vague idea who it was going to be.

"Matthew Willams," the Canadian was so surprised that he stared wide eyed, frozen. The jersey hit him in the face and draped over his head in his stupor. After receiving congratulatory punches to the shoulder from both sides of him (Gilbert and Mathias) did he recover from his shock. He pulled the jersey off his head and stared in amazement at the letter 'C' stitched on the chest. He was number '49' and since 'Kirkland-Bonnefoy' was too long to be on the back, he had opted for his middle name. It would also help him keep his identity as a hockey player from his family.

He slipped it over his equipment, hoping that it wasn't too small or too baggy on him.

It was a perfect fit.

The rest of the jerseys were handed out to the others. Soon everyone was dressed and waiting for the coach to give his final words in.

"You go out there and give it your all. Blood sweat and tears," the Italian's speech finally came to an end. He said what he had to say.

The team all stood up as one. They all walked to the center of the room where the Polar Bear logo was proudly on the floor. They were careful of not stepping on it with their skates.

"Hands in," Matthew spoke, voice louder and harder than his normal tone. Everyone's bulky gloves all came into the center of their circle, overlapping each other. Some of the players had to reach over from behind the players in front.

"On three. One Two Three." All their hands going up and down during the countdown.

"POLAR BEARS!" They all shouted, raising their hands above their heads and vigorously cheering and bonking helmets or patting shoulders. Gilbert gave Mattie another noogie as the team filed out of the room to start their very first practice as the Kelowna Polar Bears.

The two coaches watched them stumble out into the rink.

"How do you think we'll do this year?" mumbled, still staring straight ahead.

"We'll definitely make it to the finals this year with a team like this. It'll be an interesting year with this bunch, that'sa for sure," the brunette gave a smirk.

Shit was going to get fucked up that year. The hockey league isn't going to know what hit it.

The End of the Prologue :]

A/N: I decided to make a prologue since I felt the first chapter didn't really leave much of an impact. If the next chapter (1) repeats anything said in this chapter than I'm sorry and I'll fix it. I'm still thinking of revising but I just can't get into the mood at the moment. I hope you enjoy ^^ I was only going to make this a small chapter since it's a prologue but then I got to writing and this came out.

Please read (obviously you've already read it since you're reading this haha) and review. I know it's silly but reviews encourage me. They let me know that people are actually reading my stories and want to follow it :] I know that you could just do alert or favourites but I like hearing opinions and helpful tips on my mistakes. It's feedback that'll help me develop as a writer. Plus I'll update faster :D and yes that was a bribe.


	2. Chapter 1: Calm before the Storm

Hey :] It's my first time writing a Hetalia fanfiction. I just finished watching the new movie "Goon" and it got me wanting to play hockey again buuut since goalie equipment is so freaking expensive and the season is almost over, I decided to write a story instead. They always say write what you know and I've been playing this sport since I was seven. Played goaltender for about eight-ish years but that was awhile ago so I might be a little rusty. I'm also getting inspired by the episode "Hockey" in Blue Mountain State haha I love that show. I suggest you watch it so maybe get the feel of what I'm aiming for the atmosphere. I have made a few adjustments to the hockey league but I'm sure to remember to explain it in the story (if I don't, than please remind me haha I don't want you guys confused.) If my spelling and grammar is awful but you like the story than maybe someone can beta for me if I'm that terrible haha. I didn't have the greatest L.A (language Art) class in high school. We watched 'Lion King' and watched "Hamlet" instead of reading Hamlet.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not Hetalia or the game hockey.

Summary: Matthew William is the captain of his hockey team but is hiding that fact from his family since they claim that the sport is too dangerous, ignoring the fact that their other son is the quarterback of the football team. Matt, with the help of his team mates, attempts to hide his bruises and black eyes while avoiding concussions so that he can stay on the team and lead them to victory. Go Kelowna Polar Bears!

**A/N: THIS HAS BEEN REVISED ON JUNE 14/2012!** I added scenes and corrected minor spelling mistakes and punctuation (nothing drastic, just in the dialogue. This is for you anon and PaintedScales.. suspecting the two are the same person *shifty eyes* and for me since I felt like I could do better. Hope you enjoy :3

Also I will be using stereotype as jokes so do not go 'we do not do that! That's ignorant!" because yes I do know not all stereotypes are true and not to judge someone on it :/ It's a fanfic so I'm sure people are not going to take it serious and change their views on people just because I made a joke. But I'll be sure not to step over the line and actually offend anybody. If it's justified than you can bitch me out. Like a holocaust joke or something (I find it distasteful when people make light of it).

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><p><strong>Deke the Parents<strong>

He could only hear his heartbeat and his heavy breathing in his ears. The shouts of the audience, the banging on the Plexiglas, or the voice of the announcer were not heard by the blonde. He was in the zone. His breath was coming up as even puffs, being visible due to the cold temperature in the rink. It slightly fogged up the plastic face shield but that didn't tear his focus away from the puck. Luckily he wore contacts while playing or else his glasses would have been fogged up too. His eyes followed the black rubber disk as it flew across the ice in front of him, aimed towards Gilbert, the left forward. It would've been a perfect pass by Mathias, the other forward, hadn't it been for the opponent checking the albino into the board.

Bang! All the loud noises finally reached his ears like a dam bursting. The screaming in the crowd, one half cheering and the other demanding a penalty, thundered in his ears. He faintly could hear the thick accent of Gilbert's younger brother shouting out "Bruder!" and if he strained a little he would also hear a "Ve~". Matthew knew if he looked to his left, he would spot the German and Italian bundled up in their winter coats, runny nosed and holding hot chocolates in their hands even if they were under the heater installed in the crowd. They didn't like the cold like they did. Something about the below zero temperature was just refreshing.

Gilbert crumpled to the ground like a sack of potatoes. The puck came loose during the little scuffle between the two. Gilbert kicked it over with his skate and Matthew picked it up with his stick, dancing around the other team, being careful of them not touching the puck. They were on the opponent's side and had a very good chance at scoring but they wouldn't be able to if the Saskatoon Sharks, their opponents, touched the puck. That check that rocked Gilbert's world was probably most definitely a penalty and the ref would blow the whistle as soon as the offenders got a hold of the puck, forcing them to face off again. That would probably mean that they wouldn't have enough time to score. They were winning by three points already but these points will definitely help them in the league. It would be pretty awesome to be the team with the most points.

If they were lucky, maybe they would get a chance at a shot from the defense line but he would prefer it if it was up close and not a long shot. Chancing a quick glance at the score clock, he pushed forward gaining adrenaline at seeing the few seconds they had to score. His breathing quickened and heart pounded in his chest as he closed in on the goalie.

Winding back the stick, he smacked the puck as hard as he can, aiming at the glory hole (not the glory holes in porn movies) between the legs. The buzzer sounded off with an obnoxious 'Eah!', signaling the end of third period and the game. He knew that they puck was in the net when the left side of the stadium jumped to their feet. The referee pointed his hand to the net, saying it was good.

"Fuckin' Eh!"

He did it! He won the game! ACDC began playing over the speakers as the red light behind the goalie flashed that stroke inducing light show. The goaltender stayed down on his knees, bent over as he beat the ice with his fist. He would've made a sailor blush with the mouth on him.

"Matthew Williams scores!" a loud enthusiastic voice yelled over the speakers. It was barely heard over the cheering on the left side. On the other end of the stadium, the Saskatchewians were shuffling out, discouraged by the lost. "That is his 3rd goal of the season-" the announcer had started listing off his stats.

If he wasn't tackled by his team mates and looked upwards towards the Jumbotron, the huge cube suspended on the ceiling, he would have seen a replay of the goal and his photo after it. It showed his number, name and his stats.

Smiling from ear to ear, he started laughing as the line that was playing started hugging him and jumping up and down like prepubescent girls at a boy band concert. Gilbert was screaming in his ear in German, and Mathias was giving his helmet a noogie. Tino hugged his waist and Lukas patted his back. Together they skated in the clothed orgy to their goalie where the rest of the team basically plowed Berwald, the goaltender, down in their excitement. Fortunately he didn't smack the back of his head against the ice and get brain damage due to Raivis hugging his face.

"We fucking raped their asses, bro!" Mathias shouted, hugging the blonde Norwegian beside him since it was the only time (besides being drunk) that the boy allowed him to touch him.

"Hard too!" Gilbert added, putting Mattie in a headlock. It was true. They had beat the other team by 4 points which brought the teams morale up to the cocky bastard level.

They were still shouting and hollering as they stampeded towards the dressing room after shaking hands with the solemn team. They were giving each other noogies and putting the other in a headlock and rough housing in their excitement. Ivan even had Raivis on his shoulders until the poor boy hit his head on a pipe.

Matthew was beaming from ear to ear instead of his usual small shy smile, relishing the feeling in his chest. It felt like it was going to burst. He felt invincible, and like he could do anything! The adrenaline rush he got playing this fast paced game was addicting. His friend, Lars, would probably compare it to ecstasy. Two hits of it even. And he was addicted! He wouldn't give up this feeling for the world. This was the only time anyone recognized him and admired him. He was a self-conscious meek little boy off the ice but as soon as he touches it, he becomes a god that seems almost untouchable.

He clambered down the sloped hallway towards the dressing room marked "1" where his team mates were probably whipping each other with those little towels they used to wipe the ice off their skates, or squirting each other with the left over water in their water bottles. Some were probably whipping off their sweaty equipment before the coaches come in to make the after game speech since they hated them undressing while they talked. All that Velcro was loud. Than they could shower and go home to put ice on their bruises and watch TV.

"Good games, boys!"

The coaches came in to the room to congratulate them on their victory. It was met with more cheering from the team.

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><p>He always showered after every game. It wasn't that he was a clean freak or anything. He liked not being dirty but he wasn't anywhere near Ludwig's level. He just absolutely had to get the smell of sweat and stinky hockey equipment off him before he headed home. Hockey equipment had a very distinguish smell that could not be mistaken as another but it was nothing that Old Spice can't handle. His papa could smell sweat from a mile. He often complained about Alfred after a football practice or game. Scrunching up his nose in distaste and spraying him with Frebreze. It wasn't that Matthew was scared of being spraying by the odor eliminator (although that shit stung when it gets in the eyes).<p>

His parents had pulled him out as soon as checking was allowed. They deemed it too dangerous for their little boy. He was devastated because he loved the sport. They claimed that he would get hurt when the bigger boys would check him into the board. Sure he got hurt but then he just got up and checked them harder.

It was Gilbert and Mathias' idea to play behind his parents back. They somehow convinced their parents that his parents were unable to drive Matthew to his games and practices due to a heavy workload. Even at a young age those two were full of mischief but they always had his back. The rest of the team soon joined in on the scheme. They didn't want to lose Mattie! All of them have been together since they were knee high to a grasshopper and were skating in the Timbits program. Every member of the team still had their little uniforms from back then hanging up in their closets. Matthew had put his on his polar bear teddy. It was sitting on his shelf so his cute but slightly out of it white scruffy dog, Kumajirou, wouldn't chew it up like he did with his shoes. Matt loved carrying the medium sized fluff ball around and the dog seemed to like it too. He was also the only one in his family that knew of Matthew's secret since he tells the little puppy everything.

They were currently in the foyer of the stadium where the gift shop and canteen was located. It was an hour after the game so there were only a few fans milling around. Some shook their hands and congratulated them on an awesome game.

"They must think you're going places, Mattie," Gilbert said around the Popsicle in his mouth. At the blonde's questioning look he just pointed through the glass and to something in the gift shop.

It was a trading card stand. A new box was open and the pile of cards gleamed at them in the lighting. Mattie tilted his head to see better and was speechless of what he saw.

He saw himself smiling up from, posed with a hockey stick.

"Wha?" He had his own trading card?

"Duuuude! You got your own trading card!" Mathias clapped Mattie hard on the back which sent the boy into the glass with a 'Clack!'

"I know, eh? It's crazy," he muttered, rubbing the spot on his forehead where it met the surface of the glass, he gave the taller boy a quick jab in the gut as revenge for his poor head.

They automatically went into the gift shop to get a better look at it.

Waving at the cashier and thanking her as she said the standard 'good game!', they made their way to the stand. The three just stared at it like morons.

"I'm buying it," Mattie picked it up and glance at the back where his information was. He felt like doing a happy dance but since he was a little white boy, that meant he had no rhythm. He knew if they keep winning then gradually all of his team mates will have a spot next to him on the trading card stand, but them making one despite being early in the season just made him feel totally badass.

They headed outside after his purchase (where he also bought one of those plastic mini hockey sticks).

"Did you see how awesome I took that hit? It was totally wicked kesesese" Gil laughed his hissy little laugh. They were walking out into the parking lot, into the chilly night. There wasn't any snow yet since it was only the beginning of fall. They had their hockey bag slung over their shoulders, except Raivis who owned one with wheels. The others called him a pussy until Ivan said it was cute, after that nobody wanted to disagree with the Russian. Berwald had his bag on one shoulder and his pads on the other, not struggling at all with his equipment. He had one hand on Tino's back as he led his 'wife' to his car, mumbling a "G'd n'ght."

"You looked like you were about to cry, Da?" the large Russian boy said with an innocent voice. They all knew it wasn't innocent. The albino bristled by his side, opening his mouth to retort back but was interrupted by an obnoxious honking in front of them.

Ludwig was in the driver seat wearing a stern expression. He tapped his watch. Rolling his eyes and muttering a few words in German, most likely ones that his mother would smack him upside the head if she heard. Jogging to the trunk where he tossed his bag. He turned and shouted "Gute Nacht," before disappearing into the compact car. The other waved him off as Gil was hanging out the window making obscene gestures that once again if his mother saw would probably break a wooden spoon on that pretty little head of his and give him a stern talking to.

Growing up with children from different countries, Matthew was able to understand some phases in different languages. When he and his brother were adopted by a gay couple, he was taught how to speak French by his papa who wanted someone to have a conversation with him in his native tongue. It pissed his Dad and brother off to no end. He loved learning a different language and culture.

"Спокойной ночи, Matvey," Ivan smiled sweetly at him before striding off to the truck that Raivis had warmed up and ready for the Russian. The Canadian wished him a peaceful sleep too. Estonia, their strategist, was also riding with them in the back seat. He was kind of a computer nerd, okay maybe a huge computer nerd that showed them plays with his laptop. He also plays the footage of their opponents on his black Sony Vaio, which were somehow obtained by Gil. Sneaky little bastard.

He walked up to another truck. Lukas, a Norwegian boy, was rolling his eyes at something Mathias was saying. By the sounds of it, the Dane was trying to convince him to go to the movies with him this Saturday. He must have ran ahead of them when Mattie and Gilbert were distracted with Ivan.

"Come on! It'll be fun! You can bring Erik too!" that was met with a "no!" coming from the back seat where the Icelandic boy was waiting impatiently. Both the brothers played defense. The Dane began pouting in a childish fashion before his attention was directed to their Captain.

The blonde gave him a small smile, chucking his equipment in the back with the other three bags. The other blonde had offered to keep his equipment at his place so that Matthew's parents wouldn't see it. They probably would get a little suspicious if they saw Hockey equipment lying around the house. They could probably put two and two together. Mathias even puts his skates alongside his on the vent so that in the morning it wouldn't be frozen. Nothing is worse than frozen hockey skates.

He bid them good night and told them 'Good game!" He would've stuck around and chatted but Lars, his friend from Netherland who watched all his games and now was the unofficial water boy of the team, was waiting in the red Sunfire parked a few spots away.

Lars' mother owned a flower shop so he brought Matthew a tulip every game as a good luck charm. At first his team mate made fun of him, making kissy noises and cooing. That continued until one game where Lars forgot to give one to him and they lost. Being all superstitious they demanded Lars to never forget again. The Dutchman was more than happy to oblige since it brought a smile to Matthew's face.

"Goooood game!" was shouted in his face as soon as he hopped into the passenger seat. His head was soon assaulted as the other boy began ruffling his hair with gusto. Matthew curled in on himself to try and avoid the attack, laughing at the other's antic.

"Piss off, you hoser!" Matthew laughed, shoving the offending hands away. He was hyper from the game. The adrenaline was still rushing through his blood. He would probably have to do some push-up and sit-ups in his room in order to be able to sleep that night.

"Sniff me" Lars didn't even bat an eyelash at the strange question since he was used to this after every game or practice. He leaned forward and sniffed his best friend. He could slightly smell the scent of hockey equipment.

"Here, wait a sec" he reached in his back seat and pulled out a can of Axe. Matt didn't have any time to react before he was doused with the deodorant. "There," he sat back satisfied and smirked as the other coughed in the cloud. Matt shot him a quick scowl while fanning his hand in front of his face, trying in vain the rid the cloud, mumbling a few swear words.

"How do I look? Any visible bruises?" Matt pulled down the visor that had a mirror attached to it so he can examine his face. Usually after a game he would have Kleenex stuffed up his nose and a bruise on his cheek. He would be forced to wear cover-up (he bought it with Katyusha, Ivan's older sister, so that he could get the right skin tone) to hide the blemish that his papa would faint over. Luckily they played a pretty tamed team today so he managed to avoid getting checked or getting into any fights.

"You look like a twelve year old girl with no chest," his stoner friend teased, cooing over how pretty he was.

"Does that mean you want to sleep with me, you pedo," the other teased back. It was common knowledge that the Dutch boy likes them young.

He ended up being tickled until he took it back. He would've refused to but he ended up hitting his head on the dashboard in the midst of his spazzing in the seat so he conceded defeat.

* * *

><p>"So how was the library?" Arthur asked his youngest son as he entered the kitchen. "Ready for that test?" He didn't look up from his newspaper so he didn't catch the shifty violet eyes and the hands wringed out his Bunnyhug (he heard one of the Saskatchewanian call it that and thought it was kind of cute way to call a hoodie). Matthew opened up the fridge door and bent down to avoid his father's face as he lied. His face was a stage 5 red which was on the dangerous scale. His Spanish teacher would say he looked like a tomato.<p>

"Uh.. It went well. I feel more confident that I will get a decent mark in History." He pulled out the jug of milk and poured himself a cup. He was starving after the game but had bought some junk food when he and Lars bought their traditional slushie at the 7/11, the convenient store down the block. They did that after every game that Matt won as in celebration. He had hidden his Old Dutch ketchup chips and Oh Henry bar in his backpack that he brought along to make his lie more convincing.

"Decent isn't good enough," was the reply but he had expected it. It didn't even matter since they never looked at his report card anyways. It was fortunate that they didn't pay that much attention since all he had to do was ask them to sign stuff and they do it automatically without reading what it says. That was how he got them to sign all the forms that he needed for hockey.

When it came to Alfred, it was different. If he somehow lucked out and got over 70%, his parents acted like he was a freaking genius while Matthew brought home 90's. He even maintained the same grade while playing hockey which was difficult since they always had practice. They were aiming to win the Junior League this year. It was kind of a big deal to them. All their games are televised but Matt didn't have to worry since he was sure that his parents wouldn't catch it on the TV. He wasn't even sure that they had the right channel to watch it.

The Junior League is when all the teams ages 16-20 compete with other Canadian teams to determine who would play internationally over the spring and summer and represent Canada. Matt had only been to England and France to visit his grandparents so he really wanted to win. He wanted to see the world and especially if it was related to hockey. The first game that the Canadian's team were playing was Finland. Tino was really happy. He couldn't wait for his whole family, including his mummo and vaari (grandparents), who lived in the Scandinavian country, to watch him play.

"Mon Dieu! What is that awful smell!" his papa voiced cried out. He entered the kitchen waving his hand in front of his face with a scrunched up nose. Matthew froze, his milk half way towards his open mouth. He sniffed Matthew, reeling back in a dramatic way like Matthew had been rolling in garbage all day. He was such a drama queen. If there was a chair, Matthew would bet that he would've done a back of hand on the forehead with a graceful fall into the chair. Matthew stomach dropped as he stared at his father with wide eyes, clutching the glass in a vice-like grip against his chest. He exhaled a breath he did not know he was holding when his papa exclaimed "Did you empty a whole can of body spray on yourself?"

"m'excuse, papa," He kissed his papa cheek and dashed out of the kitchen, bidding them good-night over his shoulder as he pounded up the stairs.

Francis just shook his head and 'tsked' before sauntering over to his lover with a predatory gleam in his eyes. Arthur gave him a wary look.

From upstairs in his room, Matthew could hear a "Honhonhonhon!" and then a smack that sounded like a rolled up newspaper.

Rolling his eyes, he got up to shut his door so that the activities going on downstairs were muffled. It helped that Alfred, who slept next to his room, had his video game on extra loud as he chatted with his friend Kiku on the phone, basically yelling into the receiver. The poor boy must have a hearing problem with the ear he uses to listen on the phone. Alfred was just that loud. They were discussing the new games being imported from Japan. Matt hoped that the video game he was playing now wasn't too scary. His body was too bruised to be hugged within an inch of his life. Alfred tended to sleep in his room after watching something scary, claiming he was there to protect his baby brother.

Pulling off his Bunnyhug, he examined the damage done to his body. Bruises scattered along his lower stomach and back with a few on the back of his legs. Spots that weren't protected all that well with his equipment. He would have to sneak downstairs and get the frozen peas out of the freezer. Hearing a few disturbing noises from below, he opted to wait a little bit. He did not feel like being traumatized. He didn't have any brain soap on him at the moment.

After an hour of waiting he decided to take a nice hot bubble bath since the two downstairs didn't seem like they were going to stop anytime soon.

Emerging from the bathroom an hour later (which had Alfred banging on the door five times to 'drain the main vain'), steam leaked out into the hallway as Mattie padded back to his room, leaving wet footprints behind him.

His bed felt like heaven when he sunk into the pillowy goodness. He let out a satisfied groan. He began stretching like a cat, making pleased little noises.

Another noise brought him out of his state of utter content.

Kumajirou had yawned from his napping place on top of Matthew's laundry basket. His clean laundry basket..

The dog tumbled out of the basket and padded over to greet his owner, much more leisurely than any other puppy. He sat at the foot of the bed, looking up with a tilt of his head like he was waiting for something.

"You're going to get fat if you make me carry you everywhere, Kuma," Mattie teased the ball of white fluff as he bent over to pick him up. The dog made a noise with his nose that sounded eerily like a snort.

"Look at what arrived today," he said in a subdued excited voice, trying not to get excited and roll around in his bed with joy. Last time he rolled over the pup and he was given the cold shoulder for a week until he had brought home a pig's ear (a dog treat) to apologize.

He pulled out a card from his wallet and showed the curious dog (even though he had a blank look on) who sniffed and licked at the object. It was the trading card with his picture and information on it.

"Mattie!" the door to his bedroom burst open and a blur of yellow, black and blue launched at the poor unsuspecting boy who hastily stuffed the card in a nearby textbook. "Whatcha doin'?" the other drawled out from on top of his back where he made himself comfortable not caring that he busted Mattie's bubble.

"Just talking to Gilbert?" the lie tumbled out, sounding more like a question than a statement. Luckily his oblivious brother, who couldn't read atmospheres worth shit, didn't take notice at the tone or the fact that his phone wasn't near him.

Alfred scrunched his nose at the name of one of the hockey players. He was after all one of the assistant captain on the stupid hockey team which meant his mortal enemy. Plus the dude was a douche. Football was waaaaay better than that dumb sport.

"He's so lame! Why do you even hang out with that loser?" Alfred exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air to show his frustration at his baby brother's choice of friends. He ended up smacking Matt in the face which didn't even make sense with their position.

"What's wrong with him?" Matthew rubbed his cheek. He chewed on the end of his pencil before discreetly pushing the text book into his backpack. Out of sight out of mind.

"He's on the hockey team," Alfred said it like it was obvious which it kind of was since his older brother was the captain of the football team. There's been a rivalry between the two team that was probably older than dinosaur shit.

"He's my best friend and he's nice to me," was the muttered response. He didn't like that his brother hated aaaall his friends since every one of them was on the hockey team except for Lars who was on the soccer team. Even than the football team hated them too.

"Why did you even come in here?" he asked, trying to get the topic away from hockey.

"Oh I was going to get mad at you for taking so god damn long in the bathroom. What were you doing? Masterbating?" before the flustered boy could deny that allegation, his brother continued. "Because if so than that's gross! It's okay if it's in the shower but the bathtub is just nasty."

Matthew tried suffocating himself with Kumajirou's fur as Alfred told him the craziest place he masturbated which was on a roller coaster. He then talked about which girls he wanted to hook up with in his classes. Which lead to the topic of who slept with who.

It was going to be a long night of gossiping from his brother and toe-chewing from Kuma. It didn't help his achy body that Alfred had yet to move from on top of him. That boy was heavy!

At least Alfred's loud voice drowned out the disturbing noises still coming from the kitchen.

A smiling blonde grinned up from the glossy plastic card. The young adult had his equipment on except for his helmet. He wore the blue and purple jersey with pride, the white letter 'C' and number 49 standing out. His blue eyes that almost had a tinge of violet glowed, the smile reaching them. His posture bent as he held his stick in front of him as he posed.

**The End of Chapter 1: Calm Before a Storm!**

(Please leave a review. Even if it's anon it'll still make my day :]. Hope you liked the revised version better)

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><p>Matthew Willams<p>

Number: 49

Position: Captain and center

Age: 17

Birth date: July 1, 1993

Right handed

Height: 6' 4"

Nicknames: Mattie, Canada, Canuckle-head, Williams, Birdie (which he doesn't understand why he is called that) and Alfred

Favourite food: Pancakes doused in maple syrup. Every bite is pure happiness.

Pre-game ritual: Drinks a whole bottle of maple syrup and wears his lucky socks.

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><p>I decided to stop there for now, sorry if it's too short. Just think of it like a preview or something. It'll get more exciting. You know what they say about books. The first chapter is always boring :P Maybe I'm just trying to reassure myself haha. So I read over it and didn't see any mistakes. I find it slightly irritating when authors instantly post their work without proof-reading. If you want you can tell me fun facts about hockey so that I could maybe fit it into my story or give me an idea. It's been awhile since I played the sport and I don't follow it on the TV. Don't ask me what is my favourite team because I don't have one and don't shoot me! I like actually going to the hockey match and watching it but I've never got really into watching it on TV. I do with my dad sometimes but not enough to cheer for a specific team. Who knows, maybe that'll change as I write this story?<p>

Most of the boys are in grade 11, so 17ish. Except for Latvia who is in grade 10 but is 16. I picked Kelowna since I was just recently there and I know how it looks and where everything is. It's a beautiful city that's surrounded by mountains. It has two big ski resorts, Big White and Silver Star. I'm probably going to go to university there *crosses fingers*. If I make a mistake, you can correct me ^^ I was only there for a few days but I fell in love with it.

Please read (obviously you've already read it since you're reading this haha) and review. I know it's silly but reviews encourage me. They let me know that people are actually reading my stories and want to follow it :] I know that you could just do alert or favourites but I like hearing opinions and helpful tips on my mistakes. It's feedback that'll help me develop as a writer. Plus I'll update faster :D and yes that was a bribe.


	3. Chapter 2: Shock Troops on Ice

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not Hetalia or the game hockey.

Summary: Matthew William is the captain of his hockey team but is hiding that fact from his family since they claim that the sport is too dangerous, ignoring the fact that their other son is the quarterback of the football team. Matt, with the help of his team mates, attempts to hide his bruises and black eyes while avoiding concussions so that he can stay on the team and lead them to victory. Go Kelowna Polar Bears!

Okay so I didn't put a lot of hockey action in the last chapter so I did here at the beginning. From the few hockey stories I read on here I've noticed a lack of playing time so let me know if this is what you like or if you want less of it. Also I didn't give the Timble Wolves a town name since I wouldn't want people hating me for making their city sound like douche bags. I've started this chapter right after I posted the first one but I'm going to wait for a little bit to see if anyone is actually interested in continuing to read it.

**REVISED ON JUNE 15/2012: Punctuation in dialogue and added a few scenes. Not a lot of scenes since this chapter was already pretty long.**

**Also I'll like to note (I keep forgetting to mention it) that the players will call each other by their countries name sometimes. It's like a nickname to the guys since the team is so diverse. Also last names since all the guys I know say that too each other. **

**Also note that if the birthdays do not make sense than please just let it be haha they're 17 so thats all you need to know. Please do not tell me wrong because I know there is a 50 percent chance I'm wrong :P. I have a headache so bleh. Also heights will not match what the Hetalia wiki will say. **

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><p><strong>Deke the Parents: Chapter Two: Shock Troop on Ice<strong>

"-O Canada, we stand on guard for theeeeee!" they sang along the blue line in their zone, lined up with their glove over their heart. Matthew was visibly shaking as he tried to hold in his laughter as he listened to Mathias' off-key voice basically butchering their national anthem. He wasn't trying to do it out of disrespect. He was just that awful.

It wasn't just Mathias that sucked at singing. Their whole team was tone-deaf with a few exceptions like Raivis and Tino who sung like angels. Gilbert thought he sung awesomely but it was a delusion. You can't even hear Matthew when he sings because it is just above a whisper. Berwalds just mumbles. Ivan actually has quite an angelic voice but it has a totally different reaction than the two small defensemen, it makes you want to cry in terror. The rest were pretty decent but you wouldn't buy their CD in Wal-Mart or something.

It's always the bad singers that sing in the showers.

The women who was belting out the anthem gave a bow to thunderous applause and trotted off the ice on the red carpet, waving. Luckily she didn't wipe-out like a few unfortunate singers when they did their performance. Even better is that she didn't forget the words.

They skated to the box to discuss the first line and get a small pep talk.

They were playing the Timble Wolves that night over in their territory. Not only did they have the home advantage but they had dirty unfair refs that were favoring them. Bastards.

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><p>"Son of a bitch!"<p>

Berwalds pissed off (when didn't he look mad?) face was lighted up by the red flashing behind him, signaling another goal for the other team. He was so mad that he wasn't even mumbling anymore.

The rest of the team skated up, some patting him and saying sorry or that it's alright.

He would've gotten mad at the defense line and the offense but he saw their sweat drenched faces, panting for air. They were trying their best too.

Mathias was holding a stitch that was on his side with a painful grimace, trying to skate through it.

Gilbert gave the big guy a quick smile in apology as he stole the water bottle on top of the net and squirted a mouthful into his mouth before he sprayed it on his face, trying to cool down. He learnt the hard way of not using Ivan's water bottle when doing that since the Russki didn't keep water in it.

Feliks was basically dry heaving so Matthew made him switch off. He felt like puking himself.

The red team already scored three goals, much to Berwalds frustration (who was swearing in Swedish and banging his stick on the ice), and they were all done on power plays. The goaltender spat on the ice, a frown etched on his face.

If a power play wasn't already overwhelming for the big guy than the other team pulling their goalie was just downright aggravating! Six players against four was tough on them.

It was beyond annoying because they couldn't afford another penalty (and they really wanted to bash the others team face in) since it would open up more chances at another goal for the other team. They were being called for every little thing while their opponents were getting away with murder! They were avoiding even touching the other team as much as possible since the refs were being complete asses which Gilbert was voicing out very loudly even after he got a warning for unsportsman-like behavior.

That all came to a halt as soon as one of the bigger players on the opposing team smashed poor Raivis into the boards. The Plexiglas shook at the violent assault. The Latvian boy didn't get up from off the ice. There was an inhale of breathe from the crowd and the team was deadly silent except for the cry of "LAATVIA!" from Eduard, calling out the nickname for the motionless boy. Thankfully the ref at least blew the whistle to stop the play. The Polar Bears on the ice all rushed to the crumpled boy. It was the first time that Matt saw Ivan concerned over someone besides his sisters. The small teen was whimpering and clutching his ankle. Shit. Their medic was making his way carefully over to them, trying not to slip on the ice with his outdoor shoes. The man came to the conclusion that it was just a sprained ankle and that it wasn't broken.

The Russian boy had to carry him bridal style back to the box. The Kelowna Polar Bears all banged their sticks on their ice, the ones at the box hitting it against the side, and the audience clapped in respect as the injured boy was taken off the ice. The other team stood still without moving their stick which Matt found completely disrespectful and douchey. Even their parents were just watching with a bored expression.

That was the last straw! Nobody did that to a team mate and gets away with it!

"That's fucking it, Eh!" the Canadian skated to his team on the ice, Ivan skating up to them to replace the poor Latvian boy. He was definitely going to be out for the next few practices and next week's game with his ankle like that. They were lucky that it wasn't anything too serious but that still didn't make Matt any less angry than he was right now. He fucking wanted blood. If they wanted to play dirty then they were going to play dirty back. "We are not going to lie down and take this like some cheap whore!" he yelled, eyes blazing dangerously. His team had taken a quick knee, all looking up with new fire in their eyes.

"We're fucking out for blood now. I don't care if you all get penalties. We are not taking their shit anymore." His team lifted up their gloves and yelled out with approval. They were not going to lose a game and their chance at winning the Junior League just because of some goons and dirty refs.

They were going to fight fire with a fucking flamethrower.

Matt grabbed Ivan's helmets, leaning down and bringing it to his helmet before saying "You know what to do," he looked up at Mathias, Gilbert, and Vash "You all know what to do." They nodded back to him with determination. The ref blew their whistles angrily claiming that they didn't call for a time-out.

They ignored him and stood up, placing their gloves together before yelling out "Polar Bears!" and throwing up their arms.

They skated to their respectable spots with fire in their eyes.

"Finished talking with your boyfriends so soon? Discussing the colour of your panties?" one of the other team's forwards mocked with glee. The blonde just glared. He could hear his team mates cussing out the other team.

As soon as the puck dropped on the ice so did the gloves with the exception of Matt and the center he was facing off. He wasn't a pussy but he knew he had to refrain or else they would be leaving poor Berwald to face off with five players by himself. The captain in front of him just smirked at the Canadian, shaking off his two gloves. Matthew just skated away as the other taunted him by calling him a pussy. He was able to take the puck but it didn't matter at this point since the whistle was blown as soon as the gloves hit the ice. The whistle may have stopped the play but it didn't stop the fists.

Ivan had a handful of jersey scrunched up in his fist and he used the other to punch repeatedly into the face of a poor redhead. His head bouncing back by force, his helmet flying off. He couldn't even fall back since Ivan had a vice-like grip on him. He looked like a bobble-head. A torrent of blood was already gushing out of his nose, getting all over his face and Ivan's fist. The big guy looked like a kid in a candy store judging by ecstatic expression. An ominous "KolKolKolKol," was heard over the sounds of the beating. At one point he even head-butted the unfortunate ginger.

Vash had pulled up the jersey over the boys head, exposing his stomach. He had one hand on the shoulder to hold him in place as his other hand punched the exposed part of the lower stomach where the equipment didn't cover. He definitely did not look neutral.

Gil had his opponent in a headlock with one hand and punching with his right, laughing like a maniac. This was what he joined hockey for!

The Dane had taken his player down and was currently sitting on his chest, hitting his guy in the chin and also laughing with joy. Nothing felt better than a bruised knuckle. He was going berserk on the poor guy.

The rest of the team was shouting out from their box, craning their necks to see over the next person's head in order to see the action. Things like "Kick their ass!" and "Show no mercy!" were heard from their direction. He even heard someone toss out a "Rape their ass!" but wasn't able to distinguish which voice. Even Erik and Lukas were being vocal which was surprising. Lukas even shouting out for Mathias to "Destroy them, you idiot!"

The hockey parents were going berserk in the stands. A few even starting their own tussle.

It took all the referees and some of the Polar Bears to pull them off.

Gilbert waved to Matthew from within the penalty box with a shit-eating grin on his busted lip, blood trickling down from the crack.

All four of them ended up with a penalty for fighting. They each got 2 minutes in the box at the same time, thankfully not four or getting kicked out of the game (they would've been screwed if that happened). If it wasn't such a serious moment and if he wasn't so god damn pissed, he would've laughed at the sight at the four big players squished in the visitor's penalty box. Gilbert even had to sit on Mathias lap since it was such a tight squeeze.

The situation that they were in at the moment was nothing to sneeze at. This predicament meant that there would only be one player and the goalie on the ice. Two against six.

Looking up at the score board and seeing the 3-0, he knew that they couldn't afford another goal since being 4 goals behind would really wreck the team morale. He made a quick T sign towards the ref and thankfully they allowed it. They couldn't make it too obvious (although they failed by how completely unfair they were being and by the sounds of their parents, they seemed to have noticed too. Hockey parents were scary!) that they were favoring the other team. He was surprised they were being so bold with their calls since this was being televised and would most likely cause a scandal. Hopefully the refs will be fired. Bastards.

Matt quickly skated over to Berwald, who also skated up to meet him in the middle but at the same time being wary of the blue line. He didn't want to get a scolding from the refs for passing it despite it being a time-out.

"As soon as the puck drops, I'm pulling you. Skate as fast as you can to the box, Erik will replace you." The stoic man nodded, and skated back to his net but not before they gave each other a bro fist. He quickly relayed the plan to Erik. The coach grimaced at the plan, sneaking a glance at the score-board. He rubbed the bridge of his nose before nodding. He would just have to trust his captain on this.

Erik moved to the door that was closest to centerline making sure he and Berwald had room to hop over at the same time and not collide. It would make this plan impossible if they got tangled up in each other. The rest of the team stood behind the bench in order not to get a face full of the Swedes skate since his hop would be far from graceful with his hulking pads. Lars, who was fitted with a helmet that had a cage mask on instead of the plastic shield, moved to the very back just to be sure of not getting his throat sliced open by the giant Swede. He liked talking and breathing, thank you very much.

The other team mocked him as he skated back towards them all alone. He was lucky that it wasn't in the Polar Bear's zone or the plan would have no chance at success. He just had to win the face-off, giving the other two time to exchange and hopefully the two of them would be able to hold them off until the penalty ended. Erik was fast and agile, and he had pretty good stick handling.

He made a quick pray to the Hockey Gods.

With a quick blow of the whistle, both centers put their sticks on the ice to face-off. Matt could smell the other's coffee breath. Any other time Matt would have been concerned about his own breath (which probably smelt like the maple syrup he chugged before the game) but not at the crucial moment. Fuck his breath.

Matthew experienced another slow motion moment in his life, just like his previous game, as he watched the ref release the puck. The black disc flipped a few times in the air before hitting the ice with a clack!

Than everything became a blur as his body moved on his own, barely thinking of his actions. His body automatically moved, putting his stick under the other and pushing up. His stick smacked back down onto the ice where he handled the puck, twisting so his back was to his opponent. He was able to dodge two of them but as soon as the others closed in on him he chanced a quick glance and felt relief flood him as he saw Erik skating towards him. If he looked back at his box he would've seen Berwald struggling to get over the barrier, appearing to be stuck. Fortunately for him, everyone stopped paying attention as soon as the Icelandic boy got onto the ice. And unfortunately for him, everyone was too preoccupied to help him over.

He shot the puck back to Erik, rather giving it to him and leaving the zone than giving it to the other team. He knew they were backtracking but it was way better than the alternative. He knew that the boy would make up for the lost space by gracefully dodging the Timber Wolves. He skated hard until he passed the blue line, making sure that he wasn't offside.

"Shit!" the puck was snatched from the white haired boy but both Matt and Erik were speeding down the ice towards the three forwards at a fast pace, gaining on them. They could hear them laughing, thinking they just could tap it in and have an easy goal. The gruff brunette lifted up his stick to take an easy shot at the empty net. Erik took that opportunity to steal the puck from right under him. They underestimated the Icelandic boy and his speed. Both Polar Bears passed to each other, used the boards, twirled around and used fancy stick handling to make sure the other team didn't gain procession of the puck once again.

They had wasted thirty seconds already but Matt could tell that the other boy was tired. He was getting out of breathe himself. He already been out for three minutes and it was taking a toll on him. He felt a stitch on his side but chose to ignore it.

They were pushed back to their zone and it was making Matt anxious along with their goalie. He decided he was just going to ice it, which meant he would have to shoot it across the ice to the other side. He smacked the puck as hard as he could.

Everyone watched as the puck zoomed across the ice, the goalie on the other side rushing to try and prevent the delay in the play.

His heart dropped when he saw the other goalie handled the puck before it went pass the thin blue line that was lined with the net. That meant the puck was still in play. Which meant they couldn't have a minute of breather that they desperately needed.

The goaltender shot it back down the ice towards his team mates, moving slower than if a forwards shot it due to the awkwardness of the goalie's stick and gloves.

He took a deep breath and readied himself to struggle on for the next minute, dreading it.

Clack! A blue blur came out of nowhere and picked up the puck before it reached any of the red jerseys. Erik must have taken the opportunity to skate to the box and switch with someone! Get some fresh legs on the ice. The back of the jersey was the number 23 so it was Tino making a break away! He was light on his feet, speeding down the ice, leaving them in their dust.

His breathe got caught in his throat as he watched in anticipation, skating alongside the red team in vain to catch up to the Finnish boy.

The goalie came out of his crease to make himself bigger, skating backwards as the Tino closed in on him.

Everyone in the stands was on their feet, breath held.

The goaltender must have become cocky with their three goal lead because he lurched forward to poke check the puck out of the Finnish boys hold. The boy in blue quickly turn, making the goalie's stick hit the back of his skates instead. Matt was surprised that he didn't fall over from the force. Tino quickly twirled around and successfully dodged the stunned goalie, flicking the puck in the net.

It was silent for one moment before hell went loose. The guys in the penalty box hugging each other and jumping up and down, not caring how stupid they looked. Gilbert kissed the top of Mathias' helmet in his little spaz of joy.

Tino had fallen to his knees in astonishment, sliding until he softly made impact with the wall. The goalie by him was having a fit on the ice, banging his fist into the ice. His stick shattering after the eighth time he hacked at the ice, splintering in the middle which sent pieces of wood all over.

Matt skated towards him a short distance before also falling to his knees so that he slid the rest of the way, colliding and hugging him at the same time. Both boys were laughing in delight, their cheeks pressed up against each other.

"I fucking love you right now!" If the other boy wasn't in a relationship with their goalie, Matthew would have probably kissed him since he was so happy!

They at least now they had a chance at winning this!

He brought their helmets together, shouting out "I fucking love you!" again, giving the other a good shake on the helmet, both of them laughing.

The game was back on!

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><p>One of the refs skated by their box, stopping in front of the visitor's box. He had his eyes on the other side of the rink where the players were getting into position for the face-off.<p>

Ivan chose that moment to skate by, narrowing his violet eyes at the referee that stood by their box. The ever present 'innocent' smile was gone and replaced with a scowl. The gulp the black and white clad man made was audible to the players sitting on the bench behind him. All of them began snickering at his distress. The Russian was intimidating when he was smiling but when he was angry you shat your pants. Especially if it's aimed towards you.

A gleam shone in Mathias' eyes, leaning forward, the boy casually said "He has a pipe tucked in his pants, you know?" The blonde turned his head, peering over his shoulders and winking at his team mates. They instantly understood what he was getting at, joining him.

Tino plopped his head on his hands as he rested his elbows, innocently mentioning "I've seen it, it has this weird red stain on it." The man pretended to ignore them, watching as the players got ready to face off on the other side. They could see his jaw clenched.

"He also made this weird invention where he taped a sharpened hockey skate onto a hockey stick," someone threw out. It was sort of a lie since it was actually Mathias' invention. It was kind of concerning for the team when they see it leaning against his cubicle but Lukas just reassured them that he was just being an idiot and that the boy just wanted a battle axe (even if it was a crude version of it).

"He killed a man!" Gilbert shouted with glee, they all erupted with laughter, making the referee think that all of them were crazy (which Matthew would agree but they were his crazies so it was okay). His body was shaking and it wasn't from the cold. The Russian was still glaring at him from the other side. He wouldn't doubt that those rumors were true.

Gilbert quickly whipped out his blackberry from out of nowhere, most likely his pants (Matthew was pretty sure he kept it in his cup. Wasn't he concerned about breaking it?). The boy had gotten an extra large cup since it was the only one that fit his 'five meters'. Matthew tried pointing out that it wasn't a proper fit if he could store his phone in it but the other boy just laughed and changed the subject to Gilbird. The Albino started rapidly tapping at the phone. Returning back to his spot, he leaned closer to make sure the man can hear him.

"So Joe, Joe Sanderson, who lives at 1579 28th Street East," instantly the man froze, peering at the albino with wide eyes. "I suggest you start making this game a little more fair or I might just give my little friend over there" at that Gil waved at Ivan before preceding "your address so he can have a little visit with you after the game to discuss sunflowers."

"To put on your grave," someone scoffed in the background which was followed by snickering.

The man narrowed his eyes, cussing under his breath before skating a little further away from the Polar Bears, all of them laughing and mocking the man. They hated nothing more than referee that favored the home team. Hell their referee's were harder on them and they knew those people.

The other team seemed surprised when they got a penalty for charging.

* * *

><p>Now that the referees were actually favoring them since they valued their lives, it turned out quite easy to catch up to the other team. It was no wonder that they needed to cheat. They even stopped checking and pulling dirty shots, scared that they would retaliate with interest.<p>

Lukas scored by a deke around the goalie, popping it in. Ivan shot one from the blue line, hitting the poor goalie in the mask, sending the hulking player down hard on the ice. He had hit it so hard that it ricocheted off and bounced back to him. The goalie had fallen on his back from the force so the Russian just took another shot that hit the back of the net. Vash was able to sneak around the net and slip it between the skate and post. They had placed Ivan in front of the goal to block his sight, making it difficult to determine where the puck was heading. The goalie tried to push the big guy out of his crease but it proved to be fruitless. That was another easy goal from the blue line made by Feliks, a Polish boy who on occasion likes to cross-dress. The cheerleaders even made him an outfit in his size.

There was much sneering and taunting when the two teams shook hands. Matthew had a rare smug look of satisfaction plastered on his face.

* * *

><p>"So what excuse did you come up with this time?" Gilbert asked as he undid the strap on his pants.<p>

The team was undressing after the after game speech from their coaches. Velco ripping and tape being torn off filled the room.

Matt looked up from where he was adding the tape from his socks onto the ball he started that year. The ball was mostly clear except for the purple fuzz that stuck onto the tape. He always did one each year since he was five. He kept them in his closet, away from prying eyes and Kumajirou's teeth.

He chucked the ball back into his bag, untying his red laces in his skates before casually saying "I told them I was sleeping over at Tino's for the weekend since we had a Science project due in a week." Tino nodded beside him, already clued in on the fib.

Mathias laughed "Your family must think you are the biggest nerd ever with all these excuses of library trips and study sessions."

Matthew snorted but he had to agree. Gilbert grabbed his white hockey stick tape and wrapped a small piece around the middle of Matthew's glasses, which he snatched from the protective case, and placed the newly modified glasses on the Canadian's face. Matthew stuck his tongue out as his team laughed.

"How's your ankle, little one?" Ivan said to Raivis, who was seated by the showers, after the laughter subdued. Eduard had the boy's foot propped up in his lap with a bag of ice he somehow got from the concession stand. From the looks of it the swelling was going down and that was a good sign. At least a bone wasn't sticking out.

"It's... better," he mumbled, taking a swig from a mickey (a Canadian term for 375 ml bottle) of Jack Daniels. The best kind of comfort was southern comfort. The boy didn't look like it but he knew how to handle his liquor. He also stopped shaking and didn't look like he was on the verge of tears.

"We'll give you piggyback rides everywhere!" someone tried cheering him up. It was better than hobbling around on crutches.

"But I'm in a lower grade and have none of the same classes with you," the smaller boy muttered with a pout, his lower lip jutted out. He took another sip from his bottle. He always felt put out that he was the youngest on the team, often getting teased by the others. They even called him 'Baby boy.'

"Doesn't matter," the older boy waved off. They all would rather carry the boy around and have him make a speedy recovery instead of being out longer than necessary. He was a pretty good defenseman that worked well with Tino.

"Okay enough clucking, you hens!" Gilbert had taunted, successfully catching everyone attention. The moping was started to harsh his buzz from the win. He stood up on the bench with his skates, a little wobbly. Eyebrows were raised expectedly. This announcement sounded official. "I heard from one of my sources that the last year's guys are coming back from university for holidays. I also heard that it's tradition to haze the new guys, which are us," he spread his arm, welcoming discussion at this point.

"Hazing? Like paddles or something?" Mathias thought about that movie "Dazed and Confused" with a frown. He would rather be the one holding the paddle and not getting spanked. He would love it if he was spanking Erik. His mind drifted to the gutter after that thought. A bit of drool collecting on the corner of his mouth. He ended up choking on his spit when he suddenly inhaled when an elbow smashed into his stomach. The Norwegian did not look impressed (which was hard to gauge from his expressionless face).

"What if it's something traumatizing like Bukkake!" Raivis pulled out a paper bag and started hyperventilating into it. It turned out it still had a receipt paper in it which he inhaled, choking him. Berwald had to give the poor boy a Heimlich Maneuver. The clump of paper landed on the floor with a 'plop' which was met with twelve different 'ew's.

"It won't be sexual or gay!..well I hope not"

"I hope it has something to do with drugs. Like a drug Olympic! We could bond over it and everything. That would totally make this team stronger."

"Get the fuck out, Lars. You're not even on the team so you're not getting hazed" the order was just a tease since the whole team was used to the stoner in the dressing room and technically he was a part of the team since he was the water boy. They just hoped that the guy doesn't put anything weird in their bottles like acid or shrooms.

"Can I if it involves anything illegal?" the boy looked so hopeful at the prospect of it that Matthew had to agree even though the odds were that they weren't going to do anything drug related… Well he hoped they didn't. His dad would probably be pissed if he came home and started feeling up his eyebrows because he was high on ecstasy.

"Gil, find out what other Polar Bears did in the past. Maybe what they do during the hazing is also traditional." Matthew at least wanted some sort of idea what they were getting into.

"On it, Birdie," his trusty phone came out of the cup and he went away typing on with vigor.

"What if we have to kill someone, Da?" Ivan thought, placing his finger on his chin as he pondered.

"We're not killing a guy so get over it," Matthew mumbled with velco in his mouth, rolling his eyes, he continued getting undress. He didn't have to worry about not smelling like flowers and sunshine since he wasn't driving back home tonight. It was already night and it was a few hours' drive. He hated driving at night. Too many retarded deers with horrible timing on the road. They are all staying at a hotel and were probably going to drink themselves silly in celebration. Mathias, Ivan, and Raivis brought enough alcohol to have a party and that's what they intended to do.

The doors burst open just as Matt had his head stuck in his sweaty rank t-shirt, exposing his stomach and chest to whoever entered the room.

He heard giggling and cat-calls.

Peeking through a hole, Matt saw the cheerleaders pounce in with a bottle of champagne, cheering and bouncing up and down. He heard the usual 'boing! boing!' noise which indicated that Kat was also jumping up and down.

Gilbert made some sort of squawking noise, tightening the hold of the towel around his waist.

Elizaveta made a playful grab at it which thankfully the albino dodged away from.

"Good game, Matvey!" his friend Katyusha had her hands covering her face, blushing at his half-nakedness.

"Thanks," he blushed, pulling down the sweaty t-shirt back down to cover his stomach.

Natalia made a beeline towards her older brother, clutching onto his arm. It made taking off his equipment way more difficult. He also suddenly became very conscious of his bare chest under his chest protector.

Vash instantly covered Lilli's eyes just in case the Hungarian was successful in getting a hold of Gilbert's towel. The latter was swearing up a storm in German while avoiding her attempts.

All the girls were wearing a blue and purple cheerleader uniform but with black arm and leg warmers so they didn't die of hyperthermia. They weren't only there because they were related to some of the players. They also loved the game hockey! They made up the badass part of the female 'Honey Bears' hockey team. The Hungarian was their ruthless captain. That girl was brutal on the ice! (Despite there being no body contact in the girl's league).

The music soon came on and the alcohol was passed around but not before they played rock paper scissors to see who was going to DD. Ivan, Mathias, Raivis (since he was already buzzed) were automatically allowed to drink since they supplied. Lilli and Erik finally decided that they would since they weren't much on drinking. The young girl felt weird drinking with her big brother watching over her like a hawk. She didn't want to do something embarrassing in front of him either! They also decided they would make several trips since everyone deserved to get shit-faced tonight.

"We're going to fuck shit up tonight!" the statement was met with loud cheers and all the red cups were lifted into the air.

And that night, shit was fucked up beyond recognition.

* * *

><p>It was relatively calm until someone suggested a game of beer pong. From there it spiraled out of control. It suddenly turned into a full-out beer contest. Matt couldn't even remember what team he was on. Hell he could barely walk.<p>

The cheerleaders brought their friends over so the party wasn't a total sausage fest. A few of them were making out with the team. Some designated themselves as strippers and were doing a pretty good job of giving them a show. Gilbert and Elizabeta were going at it pretty hard in the corner. At one point he heard the Hungarian say "I want your five meters!" before nipping his nose. They are definitely going to regret that in the morning if they even remembered. Tino and Berwald were also sneaking kisses when they thought no one was looking. Sure they were open about their relationship (hell, Berwald calls Tino his wife! Not exactly subtle) but Tino was shy about public displays of affection. Mathias had a slightly tipsy Lukas on his lap, sipping a beer with a content look on his face. Taking it slow before going hard on the drinking. After the fight he had tonight he deserved some Lukas loving even if it just came in the form of cuddling.

At some point Lars had whipped out his bong and a pretty decent looking baggie of pot. He even had shrooms with him which delighted everyone. He started a session by the window. That was the awesome thing about stoners; they were always willing to share their stash. After spending time over there, one of the girls was just sitting on the couch, staring at her hand and whispering 'how?'

Someone announced strip Jenga (where did they get the Jenga from?) which led to everyone being scantily clad in their underwears. Matt was so drunk that he didn't even feel self-conscious in his polar bear print boxers. It probably helped that his underwear wasn't the most embarrassing. Gil had little yellow chicks (the birds and not the ladies) and Felik's was wearing something frilly and pink.

A game of 'Sociables' was started. Everyone got shitfaced after a few rounds thanks to the waterfall rule where everyone had to keep drinking until the person ahead of them stopped. For some reason Matt thought it was the funniest thing how Gilbert was talking to his 'little green man' like they were best buddies. They just met! Denmark was currently the one wearing the cardboard beer box on his head since he had the card for it. He looked like he totally forgot about it. Feliks was the current queen, which brought on a lot of taunting, and had the card licked and stuck to his forehead. He was brutal with his demands. He even made Erik go down to the 7/11 to buy him nachos.

Workers from the hotel came three times to give them warnings about the noise level. The fourth time they came to kick them out but were convinced otherwise when the Russian, their enforcer, had a small chat with them. He could be pretty persuasive. They only stopped partying until they passed out. Go hard or go home! Words from their coaches that they probably shouldn't apply to some things.

"Look at vhat I fooooound!" Gilbert was leaning against the wall after a trip to the vending machine where he wanted to get snacks and more ice for their drinks. He didn't have either of those items but instead he had a key card? Even if they were sober they would've been confused by the notion.

"So? We have two so we win!" Mathias pulled out the two key cards for that hotel room. The boy looked triumphant.

"Whose key is that?" Tino asked from his spot on Berwalds lap. The Swede had to hold onto his hips since he was swaying profusely from left to right. He began hiccupping and laughing.

"I vas at the machine thingy," he did some sort of demonstration of putting quarters into a slot "-and the door next to it was opened so I went in of course"

"Of course" they all agreed.

"A-and this vas on one of those carts thingy," he then pretended he was pushing a cart and cleaning a window. "It's one of those master key cards that the maid

"The same maid that glared at us and called us cheating losers?" Feliks asked, trying to paint his toe nails but the boy was also swaying and ended up just painting his whole foot and spilling the paint on the carpet.

"The same. Sooo this is vhat I-I think we should do" he began whispering like it was some amazing secret. "Ve should take this." He flourished the card in the air "and ve should go to the unoccupied rooms and raid the mini-bars!" While the team was listening, their smiles were gradually getting bigger and by the end they were basically hoping up and down with excitement.

"Oh my god, yes!" They all looked like it was the best plan ever.

They sent out three of their finest men (the ones who could walk without tripping on nothing and then lie on the ground laughing like a retarded seal) to go scavenge for snacks and more alcohol (those mini bottles).

They were going to dine like gods that night.

Twenty minutes later, and a few raided fridges in unoccupied hotel rooms, the three came back with armfuls of Kit-Kats amongst other chocolate bars, jars of peanuts, and mini bottles.

The party was back in full swing and full stomachs (that some later emptied into the toilet after a few too many).

The refs were probably not the only ones to get a slap on the wrist tomorrow.

* * *

><p>Groaning into something that felt too squishy to be his pillow, Matthew lifted up his up his head to face a sleeping Katyusha. "Oh Maple!" he raised his arm (which he found in horror that he was groping her chest when he lifted himself up) like he was burnt. It wasn't like they repulsed him. On the contrary, they were really nice feeling. It was her psychotic younger brother that worried him. He was very protective of his siblings. He turned his head to the side in a robotic fashion, fearing if he was going to be face-to-face with the wrath of the Russian.<p>

"Thank baby Jesus," he sighed in relief when he spotted the hulking figure on the floor, an empty bottle of vodka in one hand and an unconscious Raivis in the other. The poor boy is going to piss his pants when he wakes up. At the moment he looked pretty content using the big guy's chest as a pillow.

Matt put his head on his palm that rested on his knees. It was a pretty cute sight if you ignored the beer bottles, the empty junk food wrappers, and the bong that surrounded them. That was surprising. He always thought that Raivis would only make a cute couple with Lilli since they were both so small.

Shit! Lilli!

He quickly looked to his right, praying to the hockey gods that Lars was not cuddling with the small Liechtenstein girl. That would probably result with him having a shotgun to the face by her very protective older brother, Vash. He mumbled another 'thank god.' Thankfully the tall blonde was hugging a pillow and not a little girl. He let out another sigh of relief. He was always wary when waking up the next morning after drinking since there was always a lot of regrets and consequences. And he didn't think the maids would appreciate having to scrub blood off the comforter along with the nail polish on the carpet and a few mystery stains adorning the room. The curtains were charred? It must've happened during one of Lars' sessions.

Feeling the urge to pee, he hefted himself out of bed and stumbled over the passed out bodies of his teammates and into the bathroom only to stop and stare, dumbfounded. The "Prussian" (why didn't he just call himself German since Prussian isn't a real country anymore?) and the Hungarian teen were both passed out in the bath tub, for some reason covered in glitter? Matt hoped it wasn't glitter glue and that they were stuck together. The Canadian didn't want to see if there was anything else sticky on them.

Feeling self-conscious about peeing in front of them even if they were out cold, he opted to find another toilet. Maybe he could find the other half of his team. And maybe some Advil.

"Maples. I'm not ever drinking again, eh," even as he said it he knew it was bullshit.

* * *

><p>A silver haired boy was standing upright, one hand on the hip and another holding his hockey stick. A cocky smirk was on his face, his red eyes crinkled on one side. The letter 'A' and the number '56' were white and stood out against the jersey. The teen basically radiated arrogance as he posed for the picture. This was one cocky bastard.<p>

Name: Gilbert Beilschmidt

Number: 56

Position: Right Wing

Age: 17

Birth date: January 18, 1994

Right handed

Height: 6'3"

Nicknames: Gil, East, Prussia,

Favourite foods: Pancakes with a buttload of maple syrup (Mattie's fault for that addiction), wurst and landjaugers.

Pre-Game Rituals: Brushing teeth between periods and wearing lucky underwear(tweety bird) and cross necklace.

* * *

><p><strong>The End of Chapter 2! <strong>

**(Please leave a review because they make me happy and more gung-ho about writing. So if you want a faster update than you know what to do ;]. I like anon too. )**

After this chapter I think I'm going to watch an episode of Blue Mountain State and base it off that for some of the scenes and atmosphere haha. It'll probably make me more inspired to write because it's fun to write in that mood.

Please read (obviously you've already read it since you're reading this haha) and review. I know it's silly but reviews encourage me. They let me know that people are actually reading my stories and want to follow it :] I know that you could just do alert or favourites but I like hearing opinions and helpful tips on my mistakes. It's feedback that'll help me develop as a writer. Plus I'll update faster :D and yes that was a bribe

Sociable is the best drinking game out there. It will get you shitfaced pretty quickly. The little green man is an imaginary man on the rim of your cup. Every time you have to take a drink, you must remember to take him off and place him on the table before chugging or else you have to take another drink. You also can't forget to put him back on. I'm one of those people who are sad when they don't get him. Also I find it cheating if you place a card on top of your cup to represent the "Little Green man" like your missing the point? The trick is to remember about him. It's kinda hard to forget when you're taking a sip if you have a card in the way.


	4. Chapter 3: Survive the Hazing

Hi :] Thank you to my reviewers. I'm glad you like the story so far and you guys have motivated me to keep writing.

Deke the Parent Chapter 3: Survive the Hazing

Head resting on his black binder (which wasn't even opened), Matthew doodled on the cover. It was a little polar bear with a hockey helmet on but it looked more like a cat? He didn't have to worry about the teacher calling out to him to answer or get a scolding for not paying attention since he was almost invisible. He was currently in Spanish class with Tino and Gilbert. They were also opting out of paying attention, instead working on math or balancing a pen on their lips. The teacher wouldn't notice them either since he was currently flirting with an angry Lovino, who was Feliciano's older brother.

Their school only had two language classes which were Spanish and French. He already knew Spanish thanks to his childhood friend from Cuba who lived two doors from his house (he definitely knew how to say "Alfred! You bastard!" and "Sorry"). He would have come to his hockey games if the rink wasn't 'so damn cold'. He only took the class to get the credit and have time to do the rest of his homework since practice ate up most of his evenings. He was already fluent in French so he couldn't take that instead. His papa would complain that the class was just a waste of time and grow suspicious.

Gilbert leant over and quickly drew a big dick on the binder before the Canadian could swat him away. This prompted a little war between the two to see who can draw the most dicks on each other's binder. Gilbert ended up drawing one on Matthew's right cheek before the teacher started scolding them, claiming 'That's not cute at all!". Tino giggled at their antics.

Matthew hid the bottom half of his face in his red Bunnyhug to hide his blush and the crudely drawn dick on his cheek. He only popped out when Tino urged him to show him his cheek. The Finnish boy was sitting right behind him. He was leaning across his desk to get better access to Matthew's face where he started scrubbing at it. He had pulled out a small bottle of hand sanitizer and was rubbing the marker away with his thumb.

"Awh isn't that just peachy" Gilbert drawled from his desk, watching the scene with a bored expression. He was quite looking forward to seeing Matt walk around with his drawing for the rest of the day. Maybe that would make him more noticeable.

"Hush" Tino stuck out his tongue.

"Thank you" Matthew gave a small smile at the other blonde, wiping the residue with the sleeve of his sweater. It left a black smudge but oh well. His voice outside the rink was so soft-spoken that some didn't hear it at all. His team had all grown used to it by now.

They returned to their homework, or pretended to, until the teacher was occupied by something else (poking Lovino's cheek).

"So I hear that the university students were let out yesterday. The old team should be getting home today" Gilbert informed the two. Both stopped pretending to work and turned their attention to him, interest piqued. Both raised their left eyebrow simultaneously.

"Oh? What do you think they'll do to us?" The Canadian began chewing on his abused lips, worried evident in his eyes. It's been keeping him up at night. He even done some research in the matter and that definitely did not make him sleep better.

"I hope it's not something gross like eating a sandwich with dog food in it. Whenever I feed Hanatamago I gag a little because his wet dog food is gross" Tino scrunched up his face and stuck out his tongue to show his disgust. Matthew nodded his head in agreement.

"I couldn't find a single thing. All the old team mates made a pact of silence on the matter. Hell even my dad didn't tell me anything that happened to him as a Polar Bear" Gil looked extremely put-out, sticking out his lower lip with a pout. He hated not knowing something, especially if it involved him. "Just don't drink a shitload of water. I heard that's what happens to a lot of hazing. Water intoxication is deadly so I don't know, pretend to pass out" he said as a second thought. Both the boys nodded and stored that piece of tidbit in their minds for later on.

"Well all I know is that most of them are not in the mental ward or visiting a psychiatrist so it can't be that traumatizing" the white haired boy stated, twirling his pencil in boredom.

"..Most?" both boys muttered in unison. They shot each other an uneasy look.

"When do you think they'll strike?" The Finnish boy asked in fear.

"Probably tomorrow I wo-"his sentence trailed off when loud footsteps could be heard outside in the hallway.

Suddenly the door burst opened. Three hulking figures stomped in, all banishing hockey sticks and hats adorning their heads that seemed like they should be out of a World War 2 movie. They all had black lines streaked across each cheek. They began banging their sticks noisily on the floors, desks and chalkboard much to the chagrin of their fellow students. The pen that Gilbert was balancing on his lips fell to the ground with a clatter.

With every Bang! Clack! Crash! The students in the seats flinched.

Matthew, Tino and Gilbert sat frozen in their desks having instantly recognized the former team mates of the Kelowna Polar Bears. They used to idolize them after all. The Finnish boy made a little 'eep', the albino clutched the edge of his desk until his knuckles turned even paler than his usual tone. Matt just sat there with his mouth gaping wide with a look of terror in his face. They were going to haze them right there in the class in front of everybody! For someone like him (a wallflower) that was a nightmare come true. It rivaled the going-to-school-in-your-underwear dream!

He wondered for a brief second if the other university students were making rounds on the other classrooms to attack the other Polar Bears. Poor Raivis was going to have to suffer alone.

"Polar Bears stand attention!" All three of them scrambled out of their seats to stand beside their desks. The eyed the paddle and hockey stick warily, not wanting to provoke a smack. Getting a spanking in front of their fellow student would be traumatizing!

"Hey, Mr.C! How's it been?" a brunette casually said to their teacher. The teacher didn't look surprised to see them like Matt and the other two were. It was probably an annual occurrence. Their Spanish teacher just smirked, before greeting them back and asking about his year. He then turned to give his three students a sympatric shake of his head which didn't help them feel any better whatsoever!

The blonde, who was obviously in charge, placed his hands behind his back before pacing a little in front of them. He eyed them, giving them a once over. His face twisted in a mock look of disgust. "This year's batch looks pathetic! What do we have here! A scrawny little four eyes, an albino, only a ginger is worse than an albino! And a little wimp who looks like he's going to piss himself!"

Gilbert looked like he was going to protest to the albino remark but a swift elbow to the gut from Tino was enough to shut him up.

"Strip!" another blonde, but with longer and shaggier hair, had shouted out at them.

They just stood there and stared at him in shock.

"You heard the man! Strip down to your underwear or panties, or whatever you pansies wear nowadays." They quickly shed their clothes. Matt quickly covered his chest self-consciously. He knew it was a girlish thing to do and apparently Gilbert thought so too since he smacked his arms away.

"You don't have pancake nipples or a hair problem so don't worry"

The leader of the university students strode up to them, peering at them with narrowed eyes that said "You guys are pathetic!"

"What is your name, maggot? And the position you play!" he shouted unexpectedly a centimeter away from Matthews face, spitter flying from his mouth. Matthew thank god that his glasses deflected any getting in his eye.

"Ma-Matthew Kirkland-Bonnefoy, and ca-ca-captain, sir" he replied meekly. His voice came out soft and he winced at how pathetic he sounded. The blonde man just scrunched up his face and snorted with a shake of his head in disgust.

"And you, you albino freak!" Gilbert made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat but chose not to voice his opinion on the little pet name. "Gilbert Beilschmidt, I play Left wing"

"What about you?" either he couldn't think of a insult for the tiny Finnish boy or he just didn't notice.

"Tino! Tino Väinämöinen. I'm a defence man" he squeaked. He opened his mouth to squeak out a 'sir' but another voice interrupted him. A horrible off-key voice.

"Can't read my, Can't read my. No he can't read my poker face"

They could hear Mathias singing a Lady Gaga song next door. He was horribly off-key which must have earned him a smack since he let out a yelp.

The all raised their eyebrows at the questionable singing going on next door.

'_Oh god! What if they make me sing? The only Lady Gaga song I know is 'LoveGame" and I do not want to sing about riding someone's disco stick' _Matthew thought, biting his lower lip in worry.

"We're going to start you off with something easy for you pansies. A little Q and A. This will show us how dedicated you are about being a Polar Bear. You better get the answer right. If you don't.. well let's just say you won't like what happens" his smile curling at the end of his sentence The other two behind him started smirking and snickering while smacking their palm with their paddles in an intimating fashion. All three gulped.

"Jumping Jacks! And no stopping until we say so! No slacking! What are you waiting for? Start jumping!" the brunette stopped talking to their ditzy teacher and began joining in the yelling.

"What year were the Kelowna Polar Bears founded?"

"1957!" The usual sarcastic tone was gone and replaced with exhaustion. He couldn't do jumping jacks and be sarcastic at the same time!

"Who was the captain in the year 1978?"

"Timothy Anderson!" Tino stated clearly.

"What was Ben Smith's ritual before every game?"

"He ate 100 pixies sticks and drank a can of energy drink" a mumbled response which caused the 20 some year old to yell out that he couldn't hear him. Matthew had to repeat it three times before the man deemed it loud enough.

They were starting to become slightly out of breath after five minutes of intense jumping jacks and non-stop questions which they so far had answer correctly. The university students decided to up it up a notch, making the questions near impossible to answer. They struggled along until finally..

"WRONG!" The next thing Tino knew, the former hockey player pulled out a red bottle that held ketchup, squeezing it in his fist. A steam of ketchup splattered across his face before zig-zagging down his chest. The small boy had opened his mouth in shock at contact with the condiment, getting a mouthful of the tomatoey paste. The other two stared at him in shock momentarily stopping in their jumping jacks before resuming after some yelling.

After that none of them got an answer right. They varied from what Booster Juice smoothie was preferred to what scent of the deodorant stick the goalie of 1979 wore? All impossible questions unless you sat next to the person which of course they didn't. It was beyond frustrating for Gilbert to not be able to answer those questions.

20 minutes later found Matthew, Tino and Gilbert drenched almost completely in some sort of ooze, liquid or food product and totally humiliated. They even flung baloney at them! It stuck to them without any difficulty due to the stickiness.

"Welcome to Hell Week!" They shouted in glee, sticking out their tongues in the process, spraying the air with more silly string with whoops and cheers before picking up their clothes and dashing out and slamming the door behind them.

The three just stood there covered in silly string, baloney, mustard and ketchup in silence.

"What do you think they're going to do with our clothes? I kinda liked that sweater" Gil said, staring at the door just in case they came back. It was a pretty nice Bunnyhug.

"Um, can we be excused to go put on our gym clothe? I'm sorta cold" Tino asked their teacher who looked highly amused at their current state. It probably didn't get old, even after all these years.

Taking off his glasses to smear off the ketchup and mustard, Matthew tried avoiding the wide-eyed looks of the other students who were still startled at the commotion. Someone wolf-whistled which caused a few to laugh, causing the poor Canadian's blush to tenfold. Lucky (but more unlucky than anything else) it was hidden under the gunk.

The teacher dismissed them along with a hall pass and note stating the current situation. The trio began their walk of shame towards the gym where they had some clean-ish although slightly smelly clothe to cover up their half nakedness.

"..Well that was unpleasant"

"No doubt about that but I was surprised how easy it was. I was expecting some hardcore shit"

Mathias, who suddenly popped out of nowhere, swung an arm around Gilbert before sighing dramatically "It's not over, man." He was wearing 'South Park' boxers that had Kenny on them. He lifted up his arm in disgust, already too late to avoid getting smeared with the concoction on Gilbert's shoulder. He had a lightning bolt painted on his eye and glitter all over his body.

Lukas also joined them, walking from another hallway. His brother was slightly behind him. All of them also in just their underwear (Lukas in grey boxer-briefs and Erik in striped boxers) except for poor Erik who had a plush swan wrapped around his neck.

Gil took one look at the disgruntled Icelandic boy before bursting into laughter "They sure did their homework. They dressed him as Bjork!" The rest soon joined him in laughing; even Lukas had a small smile on his lips as he peered at his younger brother who was going redder and redder.

"Did they shave your legs?" Mathias asked in surprised when he spotted the Norwegian's legs which were currently hairless and smooth. And smelling like strawberries.

All he got back as a reply was a mumbled 'shut up' which spurred on more laughter. Each feeling his legs while some started singing the 'Venus" song from the razor commercials.

They began telling each other what they went through as they made their way to the gym. They were met up with Ivan, who for some reason still had his clothe on? They guessed that even the university students didn't want to fuck around with the Russian. That guy was huge! "They just took one look at me and then left the room. That's what happened to you, da?" They just all stared at him with a twitch in their eyes. That is obviously not what happened to them hence the underwear and state of distress.

"What is Lilli doing out?" The watched as the girl walked towards them. Something was a little off. She seems more butch than when they last seen her. As soon as she got closer they all promptly doubled over in laughter. It wasn't the sweet little Liechtenstein girl but the uptight Switzerland boy. The poor Swiss boy just stood there with a severe pissed off expression. They had tied a pink ribbon in his hair just like his sister. By the looks of it they had even crudely painted his nails a lovely shade of pink. He even had a sheen of lip gloss smeared across his downturned lips.

They only started to quiet down when he started cussing up a storm in Swiss which than caused a few teachers to poke their heads out of their classrooms to shush them. Vash violently rubbed the lip-gloss off his lips with the back of his hands, glaring at his teammates. A heavy blush covering his neck, cheeks and tip of his ears.

They heard the sniffles and click-clacking before they saw Raivis make his way to them. They had to bite their lips/fists to be quiet when they caught sight of the small boy. He had a pink lacy bra strapped across his chest and pink pumps on his feet which were making him stumble (probably not good on his sprained ankle). The little boy had tear trails streaked down both cheeks and was shaking up a storm from his nerves and the shaky shoes.

"Do not worry, little one! You look very cute in that, da?" The Russian youth said cheerfully at the smaller boy who looked absolutely terrified at hearing him say that.

Gilbert tugged at the tag on the shoulder strap, reading the small print. "Day-um. They went all out this year. This is a Victoria Secret bra, double push-up. These are like 40-50 bucks" he let out a low whistle.

"How the hell do you know that? You don't have a sister or a girl-friend" Mathias poked the albino in the cheek. Gilbert swatted the finger away in annoyance.

Lukas knelt down and peered at the pink heels, fingering the little 'G' dangle on the strap. "They really did spend a lot. These are Guess designer shoes"

"Your legs would look really good in them, Norge" The tall Dane said cheerfully, eyeing the other blonde's legs. He received a Charlie-horse to his thigh in return for the compliment. Ivan promptly bent down in front of Raivis, indicating that he would give the smaller boy a piggyback for the rest of the way. The Latvian boy climbed on his back, shaking even more than he was when he was walking in the rickety heels.

"Okay I'm not even going to ask how you guys know that kind of stuff. I'm cold and sticky. I want to take a shower and change into some clothe that aren't covered in mustard" Tino said, sounding a little grumpy. His teeth were clattering and he looked uncomfortable with the condiments all over his chest.

"Wh't h'pp'ned?" someone mumbled behind them. They all turned and stared at their goalie that was still in his street clothes and looking more confused than intimidating. They all stared for a moment before they all had an outburst at the unjust. Sure they completely understood why Ivan was not hazed but Berwald too? Maybe he gave him that intimidating look that reminded Matthew of that dramatic gopher on Youtube.

"What the hell, man! We were just hazed! Why aren't you?"

"That's totally unfair! Like come on!"

"Boo, whore!"

"Guuuh!"

"I have mustard in my butt crack!"

"…I had a spare"

That was followed by another chorus of boos and jeers from his fellow teammates who were all sulking. The Swede just blinked at them. He then spotted his 'wife' covered in gunk. Pulling out some Wet Ones he quickly got to work at cleaning Tino, much to the boy's chagrin. The boy struggled in his boyfriend's grasp while the Swede wiped at the ketchup on his cheek like a doting mother.

"St'p strugglin'. I know how much ya hate bein' sticky" This received several raised eyebrows and a "TMI" comment. Tino looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him up, judging the embarrassed face he was pulling.

They finally made it to the gym locker room, stumbling into the smelly room that reeked of jockstraps and deodorant that failed to cover up the offending odors. They could hear the mile a minute valley girl talk before they saw the Polish boy by his locker, talking to a boy named Toris.

Toris used to be on the team. He joined as an attempt to get noticed by Natalia but that ended when his leg got broken. After that his parents freaked and demanded that he concentrated on his study instead of that 'barbaric game.' He was now in the Debate team and Martial art club which highly confused the hockey team. Wasn't that just as dangerous as hockey?

Felik was currently dressed in a pink tutu and had a clip in his hair that pulled back his bangs. He did a twirl to show his friend, laughing with glee.

"They dressed you up as a ballerina? They sure did spend a shitload of money. That tutu looks expensive" Gilbert reached out to feel the material but was promptly smack on the hand by the tutu-clad boy.

The polish boy gave them an offended look, putting a hand on his heart "This is my tutu. Do you like it?" he then proceeded to twirl for them too "It's totally cute, right?"

He received mumbled responses which were most likely insults or jabs but they all blended in together to become incoherent. They all headed to the shower to get cleaned up for their next class. All of them moved at a sluggish pace. Now that they knew what they were in for for the whole week, they were dreading it with every fiber of their body.

OxOxOxOxOxoX

The van was speeding down a residual street at least 20 km/h over the speed limit. They were even in a school zone but that didn't seem to faze the driver. They were on a mission.

"Comrade, I think we should not kidnap Matvey while he is in his home, da?" The Russian had chewed through the cloth that they had used as a gag. He also somehow untied the ropes on his wrists but it didn't seem like he was going to attempt to escape or attack them. Instead he just leant over and took out the cloth that was in Tino's mouth since he was very decent at negotiating.

"I agree!" without being able to see since the blindfold obstructed his view, the boy was talking to the door. "You should know his situation! His parent's both don't know that he's playing hockey! He's going to get kicked off the team if they found out. They think that the sport is too dangerous. We need him as our captain so we can get to the finals" his voice was pleading and almost sounded like on the verge of hysterical.

"Plus he's like the only Canadian on the team. If he got kicked off than the other teams would say that we outsourced the whole team" Gilbert had also somehow got the offending bandana out of his mouth. He was probably pretty skilled at situation like these if the rumors of him loving bondage and rough play were true. They wouldn't doubt it since they had all at some point in their life stumbled upon the albino's infamous porn collection. It was some pretty hardcore shit.

"That's not the issue here! Although some team had threatened to call immigration on us"

"That's bullshit! We're all legal"

"Noot the point! We can't kidnap Matt with his parents watching. They'd call the police. His 'papa' would faint for real and probably hit his head on a table or something"

"Okay everyone shut the hell up! While you were getting your panties all twisted out of shape we agreed that we can't allow that and we don't need to since look outside"

"…kinda can't. Blindfold and all.." Gilbert quipped.

"Matvey is walking on the sidewalk" Ivan supplied helpfully since he had also taken off the blindfold. He looked quite comfortable in his spot compared to his teammates who were all mostly still gagged, blindfolded and tied up. "He looks so innocent and care-free; I can't wait to see his terrified face, da?" Someone snorted since that was the only way to convey their feelings.

"Don't be li-"The sentence ended with a strangled yell as the van suddenly lurched to the side. They were heading down the street but Matthew was on the other side of the street heading in the same direction. The van squealed as it did a quick U-ey. The tied up players in the back toppled over one another.

The door to the van slammed open and a former Polar Bear charged out towards poor Matthew. The captain of the hockey team just stood there in shock as the man in a ski mask bundled him up and tossed him into the van without putting up a resistance. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

He landed with a "Umpf!" before the masked figure followed him in and started man-handling him, trying to get the gag and blindfold on.

"Ow!" The guy pulled his finger away from the Canadian with a yelp "Fucker bit me!" The one sitting up front in the passenger seat climbed over the seat to help out his friend in tying up the surprisingly feisty boy. A bloody nose and throbbing finger later, Matthew was all tied up along with his teammates (excluding Ivan).

"That's the last one. Steve and the others already picked up the rest of them and are at the meeting place" The one that Matt bit informed the others, popping his finger in his mouth to make it feel better.

"That's an indirect kiiiiiss" Gilbert sang out, finally undoing the blindfold by scrapping his face on the side of the van. The comment received a smack to the back of his head.

"Mmfth!" Matthew renewed his struggle "Mmmfth!" Finally after a minute of muffled shouts, one of the old Polar Bears tugged the rag out his mouth just in case he was hyperventilating.

"IneedtocallmydadandtellhimI'msleepingoveratGilbert'" he said in one breathe, gasping for air after he finished.

"Guh! Fine! But make it quick" He fished out the cell phone in Matthew's pocket, ignoring the wolf-whistles coming from the back of the van. Most of the gags and blindfolds been somehow removed much to the chagrin of the university students. He dialed the number as instructed by Matthew and lifted it to his ear.

"Hello?" A British voice rang out. It sounded slightly annoyed and impatient, acting as if he waited for a response that took too long even though he just picked up.

"Hi dad, it's Matthew" Everyone held their breath. They didn't want to make a sound.

"Oh! Hello Matthew. When are you coming home? Dinner is almost ready" If Arthur made it, Matthew would rather eat the dog food sandwich that he could possibly be eating later on.

"Uh, I was going to ask if I can stay over at Gilbert's tonight. We decided to finish our Science project early while we still have time" Why didn't they find it suspicious that Matthew has all these projects while Alfred had virtually none?

"Gilbert? That riff-raff who's always snarky and sarcastic?" Gilbert made an audible growl in his throat but was kicked for making a noise. "I don't know, Matthew. Is his parents okay with this? His dad seems awfully grumpy" That's the pot calling the kettle black.

"His dad is totally cool with it"

"Fine but be home in the morning. Francis will be annoyed if you do not have breakfast with your family" They just wanted him to make the pancakes. Gilbert claim that it was like an orgasm in his mouth.

"Yes, I promise. Thanks dad" Mission Success. He let out a sigh of relief. His phone was stuffed back in his pocket and the journey to the mysterious destination began, although it wasn't that ominous now that the blindfolds were off and they were able to see where they were headed. It was in the direction of the hockey arena.

As soon as the phone was hung up the noise level increased and sanity wreck havoc.

"This isn't safe; I don't have a seatbelt on! My dad will so kill me if I die in a car accident!" flailing was insured.

"I don't want to eat dog food!"

"Get your ass out of my face, dude!"

"All of you shut up! Or I'll put a jawbreaker in your mouth and then gag you. If you saw that movie than you know how it ends. If you didn't, Spoiler Alert: It doesn't end well"

"You seem a lot less intimidating when you use a reference from an old chick flick" Mathias drawled from the back. He was currently lying on his side, trying to move into a different position where his face wasn't beside someone's butt. He wouldn't have minded if it was Lukas's but that was not the case.

The guy in the passenger seat turned to the driver and said with an annoyed tinge to his voice "were we ever this crazy and annoying when we were their age?" The driver just shook his head, peering in the rearview mirror where it look like the blonde with messy bedhead was trying to bite John but proceeded to bite his own teammate, insuring a mini little war to explode in the back.

He didn't know who but one of them was aimlessly head-butting the air to see if he would hit someone.

"We should've tied the gags tighter" Smith commented as he watched someone bite someone else's leg, before getting kicked in the stomach with the same leg.

The End of Chapter 3!

Please read (obviously you've already read it since you're reading this haha) and review. I know it's silly but reviews encourage me. They let me know that people are actually reading my stories and want to follow it :] I know that you could just do alert or favourites but I like hearing opinions and helpful tips on my mistakes. It's feedback that'll help me develop as a writer. Plus I'll update faster :D and yes that was a bribe

A/N: I was going to do the same ending as Blue Mountain State but I couldn't bring myself to haha I couldn't imagine any of them racing with only jockstrap on with an oreo in between their buttcheek. It's the first episode of season 1 and I couldn't stop laughing at Thad. I wish there was a character like him in Hetalia well maybe I can base Mathias, Lars, or someone like him but he is so stupid (he's hot so he can get away with it haha). Still more hazing to do in the next chapter :3 And after this chapter there will be more FACE family time. Sorry about the lack of good old quality family time. I think I just wanted to develop the hockey team before I go into the family since they are mostly the main characters in the story and the story is about friendship.


	5. Chapter 4: This Isn't Gay!

I'm kind of apprehensive at adding more characters in that have bigger parts than a cameo because what if I focus more on adding all the characters and there isn't any more character development for the hockey team :/ So far I only wrote about the countries in the north, I haven't mention the anyone from Asia yet or Greece or Turkey :S. I'm thinking of adding the football team and soccer team as rivals haha so that should add the other characters in somehow even if its just a small part. This is a challenge for me that I'll try hard not to fail ^^. Also the older countries will most likely be parents like France, England, Rome and Spain (ignore Prussia haha he's a child at heart :3) but I think that's all unless I say so in the story.

THANK YOU TO MY REVIEWERS: 3. Especially to those who review every chapter and has stuck with me since the beginning (which wasn't too long ago haha). I love you guys (in a not creepy way) and I appreciate the support :]. You guys rule!

Deke the Parent Chapter Four: This Isn't Gay!

The tires screeched as the van came to a skidding stop, making everyone in the back topple over one another and putting the little 'war' to an abrupt stop. Someone whined about biting their tongue.

"We're here, bitches" the van's door flew open, causing a few players to fall out into an undignified pile.

Once they all tumbled out and straightened themselves, brushing off the dust on their clothe (To the university student's annoyance they had all managed to shimmy out of their bonds), they peered at the other van that also had more players lined up outside of it. But instead they were wearing handcuffs cuffed behind their backs, duck taped on their mouths and with a cloth bag over their heads.

"How come you didn't tie them up!" one of the masked student yelled out from the other van, eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the other's victims.

"We did but the little fuckers were able to undo it all" the captain shouted back, still pissed off at the whole situation. When they were kidnapped in their high school years, they were pissing themselves and scared shitless. Not trying to bite their own team mates in the ass or giving their kidnappers lip. "They wouldn't shut the hell up the whole way here" he muttered.

"Well you should've used duct tape" the other stated, twirling a roll on his finger.

"Duct tape is a Canadian's best friend" Matthew agreed which earned him a smack in the back of the head. He was more surprised that he was heard than by the hit.

Even with the cloth bag on his head, obstructing his view, Berwald strode up to Tino. Crouching low, he brought his handcuffed hands down and stepped over them. Now that his hands were at least in front of his body, he brought them up and over Tino's small frame, trapping him in a hug. The small boy just gave a twitchy smile, unsure of what to do.

"He's like a dog sniffing out food" someone commented, everyone else nodded in agreement.

Matthias and Ivan than followed suit and took advantage of their love interests tied up state. Poor Lukas and Raivis were helpless at defending themselves, although Lukas did try to head butt the cheerful Dane. That didn't seem to discourage him at all.

They were then pushed to their dressing rooms, getting a boot in the ass if they were too slow. After they situated themselves in their normal seats, they kept quiet for once and peered at the old captain, sensing a speech about to be made. All of them were wearing black cloaks and were holding candles in the dark room. The lights were shut off for effect.

"While you are on the Polar Bears, you are not just team mates. You are brothers" Matthew zoned out after a minute of the speech. He would've paid more attention but he usually got a headache when he listened to idiots speak. He should be used to it since he lived with Alfred but he still felt a pain throb in his forehead when he goes on about robots and hamburgers. From what he caught it sounded like movie references and song lyrics mashed together. Thinking about his trigonometry homework, Matthew almost had a panic attack when they were suddenly screaming in their faces, flickering the lights on and off.

"WELCOME TO HELL WEEK!" Oatmeal was than flung at them. He almost threw up from the pushups they were forced to do.

Xoxoxoxoxoox

Sunday they all were forced to shave each other's body in the shower room.

"Do I have to shave in the crack?" Feliks scrunched up his perfectly plucked eyebrows, trying hard not to think of what he was doing.

"Don't go near my crack." Vash barked out, twisting around to glare down at the Polish boy. Feliks had to flick his wrist back to avoid cutting the angry Swiss in the butt. He rolled his eyes before continuing on with the weird task.

"This is… This is kinda gay" Gilbert muttered as he continued to shave Matthews's legs. The Canadian had his red face hidden behind his hands, too embarrassed to look down at his friend. The albino made a face at the goop of orange and mango scented shaving cream on his hands before making a hand gesture to make it come off and land on the floor with a 'plop'.

"It's not gay! I've seen it in the first episode of Blue Mountain State and BMS is not gay!" he glared at Gilbert, chewing the inside of his cheek.

Nobody could tease Lukas about his legs now. They all had silky smooth legs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Monday they were dumped off in the middle of nowhere and were expected to make it back home all on their own. Even with Gilbert's GPS on his cell phone, they got hopelessly lost.

They all looked around in the field of wheat with a sense of dread. "I don't think we're in British Columbia anymore" Mathias took a shaky breathe. He pulled out a piece of wheat and stuck it in his mouth and began chewing on it.

"We're in Alberta... or Saskatchewan. I lost track of time" Gilbert scrunched his eyebrows together before pinching in between them in frustration. He's been holding his cell-phone towards the sky and walking around trying to get a signal. No such luck.

"Okay I've heard of hazing stories where they are left in the middle of nowhere but they stay in the same fucking province. This is just ridiculous!" Vash was starting to attack the wheat around him in frustration.

"We are so dead. We don't even know which direction to go to" someone cried out, dropping to his knees and pounding the ground with his fist.

"Well obviously to the west" Gilbert rolled his eyes, pulling the boy to his feet.

"Okay than please tell me which way is west?"

"Like I'd know"

"Why am I even here? I don't even play hockey!" Lars shouted out.

"We decided to put you down as a waterboy. You're the one who came up with the idea! You were stoned outta your mind." Matthew stated, looking in all directions but only seeing wheat. Flashes of scary movies where teens were murdered by a crazy sociopath in a corn field came to his mind. Stupid Alfred for making him watch all those horror movies with him.

This then prompted another verbal (with some physical) fight to break out which lasted in 10 minutes.

"..I used to be a boy scout" Raivis mumbled slightly hoping that nobody heard him, chewing on his lower lip. He knew what was going to follow his statement.

It was silent for a moment before they all doubled over laughing, pointing at the small boy and cracking boy scout and pedophile jokes at his expense.

"Does your uniform still fit?" the Russian boy asked in his sickly sweet voice, tilting his head to the side like a puppy. Everyone burst out laughing again, imagining the small quivering boy in his old boy scout uniform.

He was teased for another five minutes before he pointed out west to them by using the stars or moss on the trees or whatever boy scouts do to find out the directions.

They ended up finding a train track leading the same way. All eleven of them started walking on the track, balancing with their arms held out. Ivan had Raivis on his shoulders as they walked throughout the night. They needed to get to the next town so that Matt could find a payphone or somewhere where they had a signal so he could make a call home.

"Lollipop, lollipop, oh la-la-lollipop!" Mathias suddenly shouted in his off-key singing voice. Soon the rest of the team joined him in singing the old timey song 'Lolipop' just like in 'Stand by Me' as they walked in the dark hoping to god they didn't have a run in with some horror movie character or wild life.

They felt pretty badass when the all stuck their finger in their mouths to making the 'pop' sound

.

Wednesday came and they all found themselves waiting in their dressing room for the next part of Hell Week. They were still sore from all that walking on Monday and Tuesday before they hitched a ride with a sketchy dude in an old school bus. They were waay too tired to care about their safety.

"We're going to have a little hockey game.." some of the players visibly relaxed while some looked at each other in confusion. A few had narrowed their eyes in suspicion. ".. but there's going to be a little change in the usual rules" he gave them all a mischievous smile, lifting up his hand with a jock strap dangling from his pointer finger.

A short while later.

Eleven Polar Bears stood on the ice, shivering. Teeth were chattering and some shifted from skate to skate in either apprehension or from the cold. They wore nothing except for their skates, gloves and helmets.. and their jockstraps. Matthew, Tino, Raivis, Vash, and Erik were scarlet in the face at people being able to see their bare butts. The others were just cold and were whatever about the whole situation. They had a cute butt and they knew it and were okay with flaunting it.

Ivan and Mathias had grins stretching from ear to ear as they stood beside Lukas and Raivis, sneaking glances when the other wasn't looking. They definitely enjoyed the view.

"Game on, Mother fuckers!"

The side door burst opened, the plexi-glass rattling when it ricocheted off the wall. The university students took to the ice decked out in their full equipment.

This wasn't going to be pretty.

Despite their lack of equipment, the Polar Bears were faring pretty well in the game with the exception of those who got in the way of a flying puck or ending up smushed against the boards. It was moments like these that the defense players were happy about their smaller figures since they were able to dodge easier and skate faster than the hulking offense lines.

Poor Berwald had to stand outside of his net with his goalie stick clumsily held in his two gloves, holding it like a baseball bat. It was the only way to try and attempt to stop the puck without putting him in the hospital. So far he only let one goal in and didn't even get upset since Tino had made a show of skating away after giving him a comforting pat on the shoulder.

Even with their almost bare state, some of the high school players were checking and getting a little rough with the equipment clad university students.

A former Polar Bear leaned up against the door, watching the game with an amused expression, snorted. He turned to his ex-coaches, turning his back to the game before saying "Pretty interesting team you have this year"

"They're bat shit crazy" came a gruff response from the stoic assistant coach. His long blonde hair was pulled back in an elastic band. He winced when his son was smashed into the boards, shoulders tensing. They relaxed as soon as Gilbert got back up, cussing.

"I think'a they're absolutely adorable and that they'll make it to the finals this year!" The brunette standing on top of the bench placed his hands on hips and lifted his scruffy chin higher in pride.

"Hn" Mr. Beilschmidt nodded once in agreement, before averting his eyes to his clipboard where it remained for the rest of the game. He preferred not to stare at his team's almost naked state. He used to be uncomfortable with close contacts and embarrassing topics and situations but hanging around a man like Vargas (with his constant hugs and cheek rubbing), he was gradually able to tolerate it. But he would rather not see his son's bare behind. He didn't even know why he came to the game. Oh yeah, the coach dragged him there saying "It'a will be funny!"

"Aren't you guy low on players though? Good as they are but what if one of them gets a broken bone or something? That would ruin the rotation." That was true. Currently they had eleven players which were enough for two rotations. One goalie that was never getting switched during a game because there was no other goalie to replace him. Two forwards and one center as their offence and two players for defense for one set. If any of his players were injured than they were pretty much fucked for the season unless they could find a replacement. Even than that set would have some trouble adjusting to the new member. Both coaches almost went into cardiac arrest when they heard that Raivis's ankle was twisted. Thank god (and Ivan for giving the boy piggy backs everywhere) the small boy was able to make a speedy recovery and was playing again. The small boy was even skating right now.

They could just get the best player from the 'B' team but they all sucked at the try-outs so they wouldn't even bother. If it wasn't against the rules they would've selected from the Girl's team since that Hungarian girl was good. She was definitely aggressive enough and had a strong check according to what Gilbert had told them.

Both coaches sighed simultaneously, bringing they heads down in a defeated way. "Its'a true. We needa more players" The Italian conceded. There was no point in denying it. They had both discussed it after the whole Raivis incident.

"We're holding another try-out but this time there will be no $100 charge to do so" The German man added. It was a risky move to add a new player when the season had already started. They hoped they found somebody compatible with their boys. Since they were a professional team, they charged the players who want to try-out, which meant that they were serious about it and not just hoping for the best. They wanted the confident players who thought they would definitely make it. If they dropped the charges than hopefully they would find some talents that didn't want or couldn't pay the fees. They were desperate.

The young adult made a humming noise of approval at the idea before sticking his hand out to smack a poor unexpected Canadian on the ass as he skated by. The blonde had turned around and given an offended look that resembled how a girl would look if she had caught a guy staring at her chest. He stuttered for an insult but promptly gave up and skated away with a fierce blush that would not go away even in the cold temperature.

They all chuckled before they all lapse in silence and continue watching the game with a serious expression on their face. To anyone looking it would appear almost comical to have such a face when watching a nearly naked game of hockey going on.

The silence was broken by the Italian bursting out in laughter when Mathias got shot in the butt with a puck. The Dane began hoping from skate to skate, yelling "owowowowowo! Oh mother of fuck! Ow!"

Gilbert and Felik both started laughing and pointing at the unfortunate blonde, careful not to bend over in their laughing session. They abruptly stopped when an angry Dane started chasing them with his stick raised over his head and threatening to shove it where the sun don't shine. The university team scored during this interruption but the Polar Bears didn't seem to notice or care as they cheered on Mathias as he chased the two for a good five minutes before saying 'Fuck it" and went to go pout on the bench.

"Crazy little motherfucker" The brunette muttered, blowing a bubble with his gum "I feel sorry for the next generation when they haze them"

Both the coaches snorted and agreed. The next team was fucked. They were going to be in the hands of these lunatics for a whole week. They could only imagine the shit they were going to pull in a few years on the next Polar Bears. The mentioning of eating dog food kept being brought up.

"Those poor bastards."

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Finally the last day of Hell Week! Some were relieved that the end was so close while some were apprehensive about the last task. Surely the hazing would go off with a bang.

"Congratulation on surviving Hell Week! You will now be recognized as the new generation of Polar Bears and have been deemed worthy enough to carry that title!" The older guys cheered and two of them pulled out mini confetti canons and proceeded to shot it into the air, showering the high schoolers in a rainbow of little bits of star shaped confetti. It should be the other way around. They should be getting congratulated for surviving them. All of them had bruises from the hockey game and some had bite marks from the kidnapping.

"…well that can't be good for the environment" The environmentalist-that-bikes-everywhere Dane mumbled in annoyance at the litter that rained down on them before being elbowed by Lukas to stay quiet.

The Canadian was than softly pushed forward by a pair of hands behind him. Being the captain, it was expected him to say a few words.

Chewing on his lips and looking up through his eyelashes "uh Thank you for not killing us-"

"or making us eat dog food" a voice that had a tinge of a Finnish accent piped up from the back.

"or making us eat dog food" The Canadian agreed "and we're sure to work hard and make you guys proud of us because we're going to win the Junior League and then we're going to make Canada proud by winning the World Junior Championship!" The Canadian started off with his soft voice but grew louder and prouder by the end of the sentence. The boys behind him let out a cheer in agreement.

"We're ready for whatever you throw at us!"

"Yeah! We're not pussies!"

"We're Polar Bears!" This comment was met with more cheers and a few smirks from the university students.

"This is your last act of your hazing" with a flourish of his hands, he showcased the sign that they've been standing under for the last few minutes. They all looked up to read the sign they had neglected to observe when they had stopped walking. Eight player's (including Lars) mouths hung open, two stared stoically, and one smiled innocently with a tilt of his head.

"Tat's so Cool" was read on the sign overhead, illuminated with a neon red from the 'open' fixture.

"…the name is kinda lame" someone mumbled after a shocked silence.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx

"So where did you put your tattoo?" Gilbert inquired Matthew as he twisted his own upper arm to look at his even though it was covered up in a bandage. He looked over at his friend to see if they got it in the same place.

"…I had to put it somewhere where my parents or brother wouldn't spot it" the timid boy muttered, already a blush creeping up his neck to spread on his cheeks. The tip of his ears started glowing red.

"on your butt?"

Matthew didn't say anything, opting to look nonchalantly to his right.

There was a brief moment of silence before the whole team exploded, laughing at his expense. Matthew William Kirkland-Bonnefoy had a tattoo of a polar bear on his butt and it was going to stay there for the rest of his life! The whole hell week was worth it just for that moment.

Matthew's pouting was interrupted by vibrating coming from his jean pockets. Careful of not agitating his new tattoo, he lifted his Iphone to read the text he just got.

**From: 250-XXX-XXXX Coach Vargas **

**Subject: Mandatory **

**Matt,**

**Please be at the Hockey Stadium tomorrow at 9:00 pm. It is mandatory for the Captain to attend this event. Don't be late :] **

**Ciao **

"Did you guys just get a text from coach?" he looked up at the still chuckling boys, lifting up his phone so that they could also read the message.

"Nuh, I guess you're on your own for this one, Mattie" Gilbert said after he checked his phone for any unread messages. There was one but it was from Elizabeta cussing him out for annoying Roderich in study hall.

The Canadian worried his lips, wringing the bottom of his bunnyhug. He wondered what it was all about.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Matthew trudged into the living room, shoulders slumped and a kink in his neck. Chucking off his shoe, he lifted up his pounding head to see what Alfred was watching on full volume. It looked like some sort of action movie with loud explosions and partial nudity scenes.

He flopped down on the coach, his face stuffed in one of the many throw pillows that his papa had. Letting out a loud groan, he turned his head to the screen to see that Transformer was playing on the plasma.

"Had a long week?" Alfred asked, looking down at his baby brother when the commercial came on. He lifted the remote up to turn down the volume since the commercials were always louder than the movies. He didn't feel like being shouted at to buy Shamwow or some tampons. Although it did amuse him that the two tampons company were dissing each other with their commercials.

"You had no idea" he mumbled, his body aching everywhere. Especially his butt. He would have to put lotion on it soon, if he could even get up. Thank god he had that night and Friday to rest up and relax before their game on Saturday night. They were going to go to Victoria to go against the Titans. Maybe he could have a session with Lars tomorrow to further relax him. He deserved it after the week he's been through. He still had to meet up with his coaches tomorrow. They wouldn't even tell him why. He would be more concerned and dwell on it if he didn't have a pounding headache at the moment. His teammates were in the same condition.

He had got a text from Mathias saying that he had to empty bags of ice into a bathtub and sit in it because his muscles were aching that badly. Gilbert was complaining about razor burns and the amount of lotion he had to put on for that, his tattoo and the sunburn he got from walking. Lars sent him a five minute rant about cheese. Matthew was positive that the Dutchman was stoned out of his mind to deal with the pain. He didn't hear from the rest of his team yet since they weren't whiny bitches or too much in pain to reach their phones.

"Mon cher! You're home" Francis walked into the room, bending down to place a chaste kiss on the back of his wavy blonde hair as he passed the couch. Matthew let out a grunt. "Why are you so worn out?" his papa leant his back against the couch, peering down at his youngest whom he barely seen this week.

"Matthew's home? How did the studying go, lad?" Arthur strode into the room. He folded his arms with a stern look after peering at the clock. Matthew was an hour late coming home.

An incoherent response was mumbled in the pillow, too sore to move his head. God he hated his life. The one time he wanted his family to leave him the hell alone and not notice him in his pathetic state, they all decide to pay attention. He only sat on the couch because he couldn't make it up the stairs to his bed at the moment. He was hoping that Alfred would be too distracted with the movie since it was loud and had lots of explosions..and Megan Fox. So what if she has a creepy toe thumb. She was still smoking hot.

Francis scrunched his perfectly plucked eyebrows together in concern. He brushed a hand through the silky locks of the small blonde in a motherly fashion. "Tiresome week?" when he received a nod, he sighed. He tossed a look at his lover. He just received a shrug in return. "I'll go get you some ice cream, you look like you could use some ice cream" ice cream fixes everything. He just got a "Mmmfth mmmph" in reply from the lifeless body on the couch.

Arthur followed his significant other into the kitchen sensing that the other was perturbed.

"Mathieu has been awfully busy, no?" Francis turned around to face his lover, leaning against the counter. "I should talk to his teachers about his homework load; it is tiring the poor boy out" The French man brushed a strand of hair behind his ear before asking the other to hand him the ice cream.

The short man went to fetch the ice cream in the freezer with a mumble of 'lazy frog'. "The frozen peas are always missing! I always find them gone and then when I buy a new bag, the old one shows up again. What the bloody hell is going on?" Arthur cussed, frowning at the two bags in the freezer. "Same with the ice cubes. As soon as I make a tray, it's gone by that night. Is Alfred drinking too much soft drinks again?" he let out a frustrated sigh, handing the ice cream to Francis before filling up the ice tray again. He'll have to watch the intake of Alfred's sugar since the boy was out of football season and would most likely gain weight around the stomach like he did last year. "I'm going to figure out what the bloody hell is going on" he mumbled more to himself, his bushy eyebrows furrowing.

"You do that, Sherlock Holmes" He placed a chaste kiss to the other's forehead as he walked by to hand the bowl of ice cream to his hard working petit chou.

Matthew's head basically flopped into the bowl, too tired to hold it upright. He then proceeded to eat the frozen treat while sleeping.

End of Chapter Four!

/N: I'm sorry! You must all think I have a perverted mind! It wasn't my idea so yeah haha. It's in the first episode of Blue Mountain State but instead they have to race with a oreo stuck in between their butt cheeks and they can't drop it. That was my inspiration.. that and the episode of 'Malcolm in the Middle" where Francis (Not France) was on that hockey team for his company (? It was like a logging company or something) and they dragged him behind a zamboni naked to clean the ice haha. Don't shoot me :P I also couldn't think of any other adults that would fit the coaches besides those two but I think they would be okay. The oatmeal part was from "She's The Man" and before the baloney and stuff like that were kinda from "Sydney White"

I'm also having trouble with the story at some points. I heard that some people rely to much on dialogue but I'm the total opposite :/ which I still find frustrating. I tend to forget to make them talk so if you notice a lack of dialogue please give me a shout out. And I'm so sorry if it seems everywhere. I have this habit of writing one part than stopping, starting another part and then finishing the other part. I'm all over the place haha.

P.S I read my old story "Jellybean love" which is a Harry Potter story about Terence Higgs (a very small character) and I kinda got inspired to pick it up again so I'll be juggling both stories from now on. I feel like I wrote the other one better:] I'm also thinking of making the chapters a tiny bit shorter but with quicker updates. Check it out :D Shameless advertising for the win!


	6. Chapter 5: Recruiting Time!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not Hetalia or the game hockey.

Summary: Matthew William is the captain of his hockey team but is hiding that fact from his family since they claim that the sport is too dangerous, ignoring the fact that their other son is the quarterback of the football team. Matt, with the help of his team mates, attempts to hide his bruises and black eyes while avoiding concussions so that he can stay on the team and lead them to victory. Go Kelowna Polar Bears!

Hi guys :] I know it's going to be awhile since I updated (I'm writing this now while I'm on a roadtrip) but that's because of my lack of wireless internet :/. I'm going back to Kelowna again but this time for a funeral (Rest in Peace) so I have quite a bit of time in the car that'll I'll probably spend writing chapters since my punk ass brother forgot my whole dvd collection *narrow eyes and shakes fist at the back of his head*. I'll try my hardest to make this chapter longer and better :] but beware of my lack of internet and that means dictionary or info *ignores the dictionary in book shelf*.

I'm hoping for at least 10 reviews this time :] or 15 :D that would just be swell haha.

Deke the Parents: Recruiting Time

"How about that Turkish guy from the wrestling team?" Gilbert said with a mouthful of cafeteria fries, pointing his chewed up fry at Sadik across the room. He was currently arguing with Hercules, a Greek boy who was also on the wrestling team. They were leaning over the table, spitting out insults at each other. Poor Kiku was stuck in the middle, trying in vain to make them get along.

"What about the Greek dude?" Lars also suggested, before digging into his vending machine lunch that consisted of Doritos chips, a snickers and a bottle of coke.

Matthew shook his head "Too lazy and no to Sadik too. We need speed and agility. We have enough man power" he blew out a sigh, a strand of hair twirled in the air.

The whole Hockey team were sitting in the cafeteria scoping out any potential players but so far they had no such luck. They were taking up two tables at the back of the large open area, facing the same direction. They were staring at the rest of the students who were gossiping or doing last minute homework. Matthew spotted Alfred frantically trying to finish his chemistry assignment, shaking his head and refusing Kiku's offer to copy his. The other two were still arguing, somehow getting each other in a headlock.

The Canadian had doubts that they would find anyone that could play on their level or even be able to keep up with them. They were after all a semi-professional team. They were the Kelowna's Polar Bears! He had known everyone who played Hockey in the age range of 16-20 and they were either inadequate or away at university or they played like shit. There were some players in Grade nine that could be on Polar Bear levels if they trained them but it was a shame that they were too young. They would probably be the next generation though. His own cousin, Peter Kirkland, was particularly good and is gung-ho about being a Polar Bear. He even showed up to the try-outs but was denied on the spot for obvious reason. Matthew had to buy him a Power Ranger to buy his silence. The team even allows the small English boy to practice with them from time to time if they were not trying to perfect a play. They knew that he had the skills and talent to be a remarkable Bear in later years so why not make him better? Arthur would murder Matthew if he found out he was teaching his nephew to cross-check.

"We could always try to get a player from another city or town and let them live in one of our houses. I heard a few teams are doing that." Someone threw out a suggestion, it was jotted down in a notebook they used for plays ideas and other shit that involved Hockey.

"If Elizabeta would like cut her hair we could totally pull a 'She's the Man' kinda thing. Dontcha think?" Felik pointed out the butch girl with the fork he was eating his salad with. Fortunately for him, the Hungarian didn't hear.

"Growing up, I always thought she was a dude" Gilbert 'kesesese'd "Still would if she didn't have those C' cups fun bags" he backed that statement up with a obscene hand gesture, pretending the squeeze something in front of his chest.

"How about Roderich?" there was silence, their lips twitching. It was broken when Gilbert giggled and then laughter was assured. They couldn't even imagine the prissy 'aristocrat' on the ice in stinky equipment. It was much too 'barbaric' for his taste.

"My sister is pretty butch too" Lars thoughtfully took a sip from his coke, peering at his sister. She was at the same table as Elizabeta and Roderich chewing on a piece of chicken strip. She was scoping at the room for any hotties that she could play with. Catching her brother's eyes, she flipped him the bird before returning to her lunch in a huff. They were currently fighting about the bathroom time in the morning. She was pissed at the Dutchman for taking so freaking long styling his hair into that gravity defying doo. She even called him an Edward Cullen wannabe before storming out un-showered.

"We could convince her that she would suit a pixie cut" Vash offered some of his input. Feliks was heard in the background, claiming that she would look super cute and something about with her face structure that she would totally pull it off, but he was ignored for the time being.

"Too much make-up"

"This is the plan. You catch her at home, I don't know drop by to see Lars at night, when she has no make-up on and is in sweats. You tell her that 'I don't know why you wear make-up. You look beautiful without it.' After that she'll stop wearing it or wear it lighters and more natural because of the new bout of confidence" the Polish boy said, filing his nails while picking at his salad. Nobody doubted his advice since he has four sisters and a subscription to Cosmo magazine. They didn't even tease him anymore about it since he's given such great girl advice to them.

They all began discussing the plan. Matthew's protests were unheard as he tried to tell them it was a stupid idea and that he couldn't believe that some of them were actually going along with it. They must really be desperate if the rational people were nodding their heads to the idea. Although they didn't have a lot of them..

The table jumped (as did a few of the players) when two hands were brought down with great force. "Why the hell are we hearing our names so often?" they glanced up at an angry Hungarian with a nodding Belgium girl. Both had their arms crossed and a hip jutted out. They meant business.

They all glanced at each other before Gilbert spoke up "Are you willing to dress up as a dude and play for our team?" Elizabeta stared in shock with an eyebrow raised. Matthew smacked his forehead. "Well not you. Your knockers are too big but Bella since she.." he trailed off after seeing the offended look on Bella's face at the mention of her smaller chest. The albino than flailed his hands about, trying to save his ass "since they are so perfect. It's not the size that counts. The bigger they are the more droopy they are and that's just not appealing. Yours are just the right size and still perky" he was becoming more and more flustered as he continued to dig himself into a hole. Bella actually took off her shoe to smack him across his face which prompted him to finally shut up. He was than Charlie horsed by Lars since that was his sister he was talking about. Elizabeta along with the other guys were almost pissing themselves laughing.

Bella was about to storm off back to her lunch before her best friend lightly grabbed her shoulder before leaning over to whisper in her ears. Her scowl then slowly turned into a grin that grew bigger each passing moment. Finally she nodded to whatever Elizabeta was saying.

"I will" All the boys looked ecstatic while Matthew stared at her like she grew a third head "but only if one or two of you dress up as girls and play for our team. Feliks and Matthew would be perfect" Matthew than thunked his head against the table at the girls accepting such an idiotic plan. He was surrounded by madness! And he was the only sane one. It was like being on a raft in the middle of an ocean of crazy.

"We'll give you Feliks but not Matthew, he's already busy enough with this nerd charade he's pulling off and his team. How about Ivan?" Gilbert began negotiating with them.

"He would make an ugly girl!" Ivan did not look like he appreciate being offered to be a 'girl'.. or being called an ugly one.

"At least give us the players that are more feminine. I feel like if Ivan wanted to he could grow a full beard this moment if we asked him. He's ooze testosterones"

"Raivis!" they all yelled at the same time. The poor boy froze like a deer in headlights. They already knew that he could walk in heels and they already had a bra in his size.

They also offered Vash, claiming that he could pretend to be Lilli's twin sister, teasing him about the first day of hazing where he was dressed up as the girl. That shade of lipgloss really brought out his scowl.

Matthew was beginning to form a headache with the amount of idiocy surrounding him. He bowed his head, placing his thumb and pointer finger on the bridge of his nose and squeezed. He let out a frustrated sigh. "oh god please just shut up" he mumbled. Thankfully the two sitting on his sides had heard and shushed the others.

Finally he lifted his head after he didn't hear anymore asinine ideas being spouted out. He looked at his team mate and the two girls. He had their undivided attention. "I think we're over thinking this. We are not going to force one of the girls to gender-bend and I'm sure we would be caught anyways with the physicals and everything" Matthew tried steering his team back in the right direction. They needed to be more practical and stop with these crazy ass schemes. They were starting to sound like his brother.

"Did you guys check out the 'B' team for the girls? Maybe there's some potential in there?" Matthew offered some of their ideas that failed for them but might benefit the girls.

"Just a bunch of whores on skates" the Hungarian girl said in disgust, scrunching up her nose. She smacked the back of Gilbert's head when she heard a mumble of something about a pot and kettle being black.

"Let's discuss what type of player we need for our team. Maybe that will help us somehow" He didn't know how but it was better than buying a bra for Vash and Raivis.

"We need someone who can throw a punch and able to hit and be able to take a hit" Mathias yelled out, lifting his sleeve to show off his impressive bicep. Ivan, Gilbert, and Vash nodded their heads in agreement.

"Don't be an idiot" Lukas mumbled, glancing at the Dane with his blank stare. Mathias just beamed back. Erik nodded his head in agreement with his brother.

"I agree with Lukas. We don't need another goon. If we do than we'll always be in a power play against us since we'll always have a penalty" Tino shook his head at the offensive side."What we need his speed and agility" The finnish boy concluded. Matthew, Berwald (of course he'd agree with his wife) and the defensive side nodded. The other three pouted while Vash scowled.

"Since we can't find another player on the 'B' side than there must be another way" Matthew began chewing on his pen, ignoring Gilbert who claimed that it was his pen and to stop chewing it.

They began to think, some chewing lips, a few stroking an invisible beard, while others tapped on their forehead willing it to come up with an idea.

"Hi, Matthew! Da-ze!" Matt looked up, spotting his Korean friend as he walked by to the 'cool asain' table as they had dubbed it. Im Yong Soo waved to him, his oversized sleeves flapping in the air and not showing his hand at all. He had a huge grin plastered on his face as he passed the table, swinging his arms back and forth as he made his way to his other friends.

The Canadian threw him a small smile and a polite wave, too hard thinking to make small talk with the energetic boy.

Going back to his thinking position, head bent down with a worried lip, it took him a second but then his eyes grew huge and a quick intake of air. Whipping his head around to stare at the Asian with a hopeful look, Mattie finally found their solution.

His team, noticing their Captains change of expression, quickly started peppering him with questions, asking him 'what' and 'did you think of something?'

He just said two words and they all shared the same expression of glee.

"Figure Skating"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Matthew, Gilbert, Elizabeta, and Lars (since he had nothing better to do) all sat in the front row of the Ice Arena with their hoodies up and sunglasses perced on their nose, peering over the edge. Elizabeta had over-sized designer Dolces and Gabanna sitting on her small ski-slope nose, Matthew had red retro glasses, Lars had those old style red and blue 3D glasses that you were at movie theatres and Gilbert had those small white sunglasses that told you whoever wore them were douchebags(which Elizabeta told him many times). They were watching Im Yong Soo and Mei(a small girl from Taiwan) perform a duet in some sort of competition.

Lars had the munchies and basically bought everything in the concession stand. Being the gracious stoner that he was, he ended up sharing his goodies with the other four.

Gil gave a low whistle as the boy spun gracefully in the air. The boy stuffed a handful of buttery popcorn in his mouth before mumbling a "They're good."

It was silently agreed by all of them that the duo was excellent skaters as they munched on corn nuts and skittles. They watched them in silence as they skated to some dramatic song about a lost love? Or about a broken heart or something along those lines.

"..So what happened on Friday night?" Gilbert leaned back, stretching his lanky legs out in front of him. Matthew made a dismissive 'mm' sound before getting an elbow to the gut.

"Ouch! You stupid hoser. Nothing happened. Nothing at all"

"Dude, don't leave us hanging" Lars cut in, leaning across Elizabeta to stare at his friend with a raised eyebrow (the one with the scar above it). One of his spikes ended up poking the poor girl in the eye. A smack to the side of his head later, the Dutchman was a safer distance away from her face. The Hungarian had her pocket mirror out and was repairing her mascara that smudged from her watery eye.

Matthew finally tore his eyes away from the ice to stare at them with furrowed brows. "Really, nothing happened. I went there at the time it said and I just found a note on the door saying: Sorry but it'a got post-poned~ ." They all knew how flaky their coach could be and it sounded just like him. "And then I saw him trying to flirt with the janitor so I asked him what was up. He just avoided the question by distracting me with this mission of finding new team mates."

"Hmm I wonder what it's about though" The silverette commented which received another 'mhmm' from the Canadian. He was too focused on the duet in front of him to really be concerned with the crazy antics of their coach. It was probably a spur of the moment thing that the coach forgot about.

Finally the two on the ice bowed at the end of the performance. They stood waiting for their score, holding hands in anticipation. Or it should have been anticipation but instead they almost looked bored?

They received an almost perfect score that was met with applause from the audience. The boys stood and tried whooping for the Asians but were smacked in the stomach by the still sitting girl. Supposedly that wasn't how it was like at these competitions.

As soon as two figure skater's skate hit the rubber floors, the four of them stood up too.

"Let's go"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"The hot dogs here are really good!" the blonde shoved the rest of the snack into his mouth. "But not as good as the ones at the baseball stadium, of course!" Alfred shouted out with a mouthful. Thankfully he was turned forward and not towards his Japanese friend when he talked since spitter went flying. It landed in the lady's hair that sat in front of him but thankfully she didn't notice.

Kiku just nodded politely, eyes focused on his cousin as he completed a perfect butterfly jump. That consisted of the Korean boy performing a take-off with both feet and becoming parallel with the ice making a scissor like motion. The boy of course executed the move smoothly.

The American decided to tag along with him to watch his cousins in their competition. Kiku only went to it since the Korean boy promised to leave his chest alone for a month.

Alfred stopped mid sentence of his idea for the next science project that was most likely borderlining insane. He had caught sight of an all too familiar red hoodie and wavy blonde hair in his peripheral vision. It was his brother and he was with three other people heading towards somewhere? He knew from the hair style that one of them was Lars, a stoner on the soccer team. The white hair also gave away that Gilbert, a narcissistic boy that played for the hockey team, was with them. He wasn't sure but that girl might be Elizabeta, a butch but sweet girl on the girl's hockey team. Why were they with his brother?

He continued to watch his baby brother walking with the odd group of people, talking and nodding to something the albino said, jotting it down on a notebook. Notebook? Gilbert? Gilbert who was on the hockey team..

Alfred stood up with narrowed eyes. He stared off where his twin and the others walked off to the side to talk more privately. As soon as they were out of sight, he whipped his head to look down at his friend; a frown itched on his face. A serious expression that was uncommon on the blonde boy was plastered on his face.

"I know what's going on"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The four of them made their way towards the back where the contestants were watching each other skate their routine and wait for the end of this competition.

If it had been any other person besides Im Yong soo or Mei than they would've just waited for them after school or phone them in the evening. Unfortunately for them, the two were overly busy with preparation for this competition and their parents wanted them to have perfect it. Hell the Asian boy was even too busy to send a text back. Matthew had listened to Im Yong Soo complain about it in Computer Science class, bitching about how he hated spending all his free time with his instructor and he had no time for his friends.

As soon as the Korean spotted Matthew (one of the few people that were able to besides the Hockey team), his blank face broke into a grin.

"You guys came to watch me?" The boy hobbled over clumsily to them, not as graceful as he was on ice as he was on the rubber floor.

"You were really good" Matthew praised, smiling back. He almost fell backwards when the boy gave him a hug. Thankfully his chest was left alone for the time being.

"You're a really good skater" Gilbert also acknowledged "You too" he said as soon as Mei's curiosity brought her over to them instead of watching their opponents. She smiled, blushing at the compliment.

"Thanks!"

"How would you like to try out for the hockey team? Both of you" Matthew didn't have time to beat around the bush. He needed to be home in 30 minutes for supper and he didn't feel like getting a lecture from his father and a guilt trip from his over-dramatic papa.

The two just stared with eyebrows knotted and their mouth hanging open a tiny bit. They turned towards each other before the little 'o' turned into an ear-to-ear grin. They turned back with a gleeful expression before nodding their heads enthusiastically.

Matthew and the others were taken back from the quick response. They were expecting that they would have to try to convince them to. They even wrote down some pros of being on the hockey team.

-Their university applications would look awesome if it showed that they were on the Junior League Champion's team (they were pretty confident that they would win with such an awesome team).

-Im Yong Soo would be with some of his friends and would be spending plenty of time with them instead of just with their choreographer. Mei would be on the girl's team and they always went shopping after an away (when they weren't home) game.

-They wouldn't make a lot of Asian jokes. Only a few..but they could also make fun of the others if they wanted to.

After those two, the list got pretty lame so it was fortunate for them that the two were finding figure skating to become repetitive and boring.

Things were finally looking up for the Polar Bears.

Now they just needed a few more players.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kiku just gave him a confused look, looking in the same direction to try and see what made his friend so upset and serious which was a rarity with the happy-go-lucky American. Alfred mumbled more to himself. "I know why Matthew has so much homework and is always at the library!" Poor Kiku just looked even more confused. When did Alfred have a brother?

"He's a nerd!"

"Pardon me?" Kiku knew that Alfed always voiced his complaints about someone named Matthew and how he got better marks "Alfred, he may get good marks" _For a non-asian kid hehe_ "but that doesn't make him a nerd." The Japanese boy tried reasoning with his best friend. After all he got better marks than Matthew so what did that make him?

"Mattie's a nerd! My little brother is a nerd!" Alfred shouted out in anguish, grabbing the front of Kiku's blazer and shaking the poor boy like there was no tomorrow.

"A nerd. Someone who does the homework for one of the players on a sport's team! Some jock idiot is taking advantage of my baby brother! That's why he spends all day at the library! It all makes perfect sense!" A few of the people in the audience turned to watch the spectacle that Alfred was making. The lady with hotdog in her hair turned around to shush him.

"What if it's someone on the football team? I would totally kill them if I find out!" No matter what his friend tried, he couldn't calm the disgruntled boy down. They were soon kicked out of the arena for disturbance. Two security guards dragged away Alfred as he screamed "Mattie! Mattie! Maaaattie!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Did you hear that?" Was his name being shouted out? Matthew turned his head back to glance in the direction he thought the noise was coming from.

"Hear what? I didn't hear anything?"

"..Never mind" Matthew had strained his ears for another second but didn't hear his name again. He just shook his head. He probably just imagined it anyways.

He went back to writing down the date and time and location of the try out. He would even lend the boy his old hockey equipment since it should be the perfect fit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx

Arthur gave an irritated mumble as he checked his watch for the thousandth time. The bloody dentist was twenty minute late for his appointment. He wouldn't be surprised if they were Spanish or Greek with how slow the progress was going. He didn't even want to be there but now he was forced to wait longer!

The stupid dentist was probably flirting with his slutty hygienist that showed off too much of her cleavage. Bloody Whore. Bloody Doctor.

"Bloody wanker" the Brit cursed again when another patient was called. He was there before he was!

He crossed his leg over his knee and threw the receptionist an annoyed glance which made her quickly avert her gaze back to her computer. He would've continued giving her the death stare but his phone vibrated in his pocket.

**From: 250 XXX-XXXX Frog**

**Subject: XOXO**

**It's okay, Mon Rosbif xoxo. I know you hate the dentist but I'll kiss it better when you get home ;] You would like that, non? I'll even hold back the british-have-bad-teeth jokes just for mon amour. **

**Love you lots **

**-The Love Master**

The blush on Arthur cheeks grew hotter and hotter as he read the text message from his lover. He quickly sent one back saying where he can stick it but then quickly deleted it, knowing that his husband would quickly turn it into something perverted. He opted to just tell him to go to hell. Stabbing at his keyboard with his fingers, he also called him a bloody frog to finish it off.

**From: 250 XXX-XXXX Frog**

**Subject: XXXX(kisses)**

**If you give me a kiss, this frog will turn into your prince :D**

Mumbling a few curses, he pocketed his phone, not in the mood for Francis' idiocy. Another few seconds went by before it vibrated again. Eyebrow twitching, Arthur flipped out his phone to tell Francis to leave him the lboody hell alone. Good thing that he glanced at the message before biting the other's head off since it wasn't even him at all. It was just Matthew asking if he could go to the movies with a few friends. His scowl softened to a slight smile before he sent a text granting permission. The young lad deserved to have some fun and time away from the books. He pocketed his phone after receiving a text and a promise that he wouldn't be out too late.

He was then left alone to wait for his damn dentist appointment. The Brit just hoped that Alfred didn't text him for some insane reason or to ask him to perform some impossible task.

He started tapping his finger on his upper crossed arm but he also soon grew bored of that. Spotting a magazine, he picked it up with a defeated sigh, idly leafing through the glossy pages. Flipping it open to a random page, his half-lidded eyes scanned the title.

**Signs That Your Son/Daughter Might Be On Drugs:**

**It is important to keep in mind **_that if a child shows any of the following symptoms, it does not necessarily mean that he or she is using drugs. The presence of some of these behaviors could be the product of adolescent stress. Others may be symptoms of depression or a host of other problems. Whatever the cause, they may warrant attention, especially if they persist or if they occur in a cluster._

**The key is change**;_ it is important to watch for any significant changes in your child's physical appearance, personality, attitude or behavior._

**Physical Signs **

_Loss of appetite, increase in appetite, any changes in eating habits, unexplained weight loss or gain. _

He had noticed a definite increase intake of food that Matthew had been eating as of recent. Not on Alfred's scale but still a noticeable increase from what the quiet boy was normally eating. Especially pasta. What if the young lad had the munchies?

_Slowed or staggering walk; poor physical coordination._

Last night he was definitely stumbling and he couldn't even lift up his head to eat ice cream properly! As he continued to read the article, his furry eyebrows grew closer and closer as he scrunched them up in evident worry.

_Inability to sleep, awake at unusual times, unusual laziness. _

As soon as the boy came home from the 'library' he was always just lazing around either on his bed or crashed out on the couch. It was like he had no energy whatsoever!

_Smell of substance on breath, body or clothes. _

The stench of body spray was heavy on his sweaters. Matthew was probably covering up the smell of Marijuana! That sneaky little bastard.

_Extreme hyperactivity; excessive talkativeness. _

Okay maybe this didn't apply to his son . The damn boy was just too quiet!

_Runny nose; hacking cough. _

He has noticed that Matthew has been coughing more often but that was probably because the boy only wore a hoodie out in the frigid air, claiming 'it's not cold?'

_Needle marks on lower arm, leg or bottom of feet_.

The Brit had seen some peculiar bruises on the back on his legs when he came down for midnight snacks in his boxers. There were even some littered across his stomach and back. There were probably from heroin needles!

**Behavioral Signs **

_Change in overall attitude/personality with no other identifiable cause. _

He didn't notice until Francis had pointed it out to him but 'supposedly' Matthew was skittish and nervous.

_Changes in friends; new hang-outs; sudden avoidance of old crowd; doesn't want to talk about new friends; friends are known drug users. _

Arthur narrowed his eyes when he thought of Matthew's friends that he hung out with. That snarky little brat Gilbert who was always up to no good and what a cocky little shit! That Køhler boy was no better! Always fighting and laughing like everything was a bloody joke. Ivan scared the shit out of him and he was an adult! He definitely did not like his little Mattie hanging out with that brute. Especially with all those crazy rumor about the Russian boy! His son was hanging out with riff-raffs and he did not like it one bit. He could go on! Lars was a pot-head stoner that always smelt like weed. He was probably the one who got his sweet little boy addicted! The next time he saw the tall boy he was going to beat the living daylights out of him for corrupting his poor Matthew.

_Change in activities or hobbies. _

_Drop in grades at school or performance at work; skips school or is late for school. _

Okay so that wasn't the case with his son. He knew that Matthew was getting good grades. He never had to worry about that son in that department. He always brought home A's and his teachers only had nice things to say about him after they remembered who he was. Alfred was a whole different story though.

_Change in habits at home; loss of interest in family and family activities. _

_General lack of motivation, energy, self-esteem, "I don't care" attitude. _

_Moodiness, irritability, or nervousness. _

_Paranoia _

_Excessive need for privacy; unreachable. _

_Secretive or suspicious behavior. _

_Chronic dishonesty. _

_Unexplained need for money, stealing money or items. _

He was never home with his family. He was not the little meek boy that he knew. He would even punch Alfred back when they rough housed. The boy was nervous whenever he asked about his homework or the library. And once he even went to the library to pick him up but the librarian was confused when he described him, saying 'Nobody came in with that description.' Every time he phoned in the evening, he would get the voice machine. Arthur had even found a hundred missing from his wallet a few weeks ago! He interrogated both Alfred and Francis, thinking the two were more likely to take it to buy some asinine thing like expensive hair product or hamburgers. Maybe it was Matthew who stole it to buy a baggie of Marijuana or a few lines of coke! Unexplained missing fives and tens were also brought into the factor.

He checked yes for each of those options. Becoming even more panic as he viewed the list after reading. Almost all of the boxes had an 'X' scratched in.

Oh dear god. His son was a drug addict!

He clutched the magazine in his hands, taking off out the door. He needed to discuss this with his husband right now! And to give Matthew the belt. That boy was going to regret ever being born!

", You're next" The receptionist looked up from her keyboard "?"

End of Chapter 5!

(Remember I'm aiming for 10-15 reviews so please leave one even if it's anon)

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Thank you for reading this far! :3 And thank you again for reviewing (I love them). I noticed this a few chapters ago but the team was too small haha. I think my writing skill went downhill but oh well. I'm just writing this story for fun and it's not like I plan on becoming an author or editor when I grow up. I think my writing is influenced by my favourite book 'Spud' by John Van Duit. Hilarious book (I already read it 4 times) about an all boys boarding school. I highly recommend it. And if you already read it and loved it than you my good sir are awesome sauce :D I would totally geek over with it with you since it's such a good book.

Please read (obviously you've already read it since you're reading this haha) and review. I know it's silly but reviews encourage me. They let me know that people are actually reading my stories and want to follow it :] I know that you could just do alert or favourites but I like hearing opinions and helpful tips on my mistakes. It's feedback that'll help me develop as a writer. Plus I'll update faster :D and yes that was a bribe


	7. Chapter 6: Pee in this Cup, Now!

*Holy crap! I got more reviews than I thought I would :D Thank you guys! Especially the ones that reviewed on more than one chapters :3 I have such awesome readers ^^.

I feel like my writing went waaay down from the beginning of the year haha I think it's because I just don't take my time with these chapters like I did with other writings. I also say 'He' at the beginning of sentences waay too much. Thank you to Boba for the kind words ^^ it was a lovely funeral where I got to catch up with my family.

Deke the Parents: Pee in this Cup, Now!

Life was pretty awesome at the moment for Matthew. The hazing was all done and they survived with only a few scratches and traumatic experience, none of them had to go see a doctor which was pretty damn sweet. His tattoo had finally healed so it didn't hurt to sit down. His grades were actually improving despite him doing most of his homework in Spanish class or late at night while he watched hockey on his TV or some of the more crude cartoons that come on at midnight-ish. He even found both the boys and the girl's team a potential new player if they passed the try-outs in two days.

He could finally breathe a sigh of relief for now. It seemed like nowadays his life was just hectic, going from one problem to the next. It was total madness.

Matthew could stop chewing on his bottom lips. He could finally stop nibbling on his fingernails. He could stop drinking Pepto for the stomachaches that he gets when stressed. Or take a Tylenol to ebb away a headache.

It was difficult being the only normal (sane) person surrounded by madness and crazy peoples. Maybe he wasn't sane like he thought he was. He heard once that the crazy people thought that they were the normal ones. Oh well, he was happy so it's alright if he was a happy physco. He began whistling a happy tune as he hopped up his front porch, kicking the sides of his shoes to get rid of the dirt since the snow hasn't fallen yet.

He was finally able to have a moment of complete bliss and be able to relax and have a calm night at home. Maybe he would take a bubble bath or something like that. Just a nice normal night at home that was peaceful.

That was until he opened up the front door. That was when all hell broke loose. Shit had hit the fan and it was pretty damn messy.

"Pee in this cup! Pee in this cup right bloody now!" Arthur had thrust the plastic cup into Matthew's face, crazed expression adorning his face. His eyes seemed unfocused and his unruly eyebrows twitching. Matthew took a few steps back, not finding his dad right in his face at all comforting. He could smell the afternoon tea on his breath. Panic began settling in and his heart felt like it was lodged in his throat. What the hell was going on?

Alfred had basically tackled the poor boy to the ground, screaming a bunch of nonsense about his baby brother being a nerd? Sure he got good marks but he didn't think that qualified him being a nerd!

Flipping Matthew over onto his stomach with ease, the football captain started digging into his backpack that was still on his back while straddling him.

"What are you doing?" a muffled voice yelled out, his face being smushed into the plush rug that decorated the front door.

"Looking for evidence that you've been doing someone else's homework. Someone from the hockey team since you hang out with them so much" Alfred said in a voice that sounded like it was obvious, flipping through all of his notebooks.

"Mon Dieu! Alfred get off your brother!" Francis scurried over to rescue his poor petit chou from his brother.

"Get off me, fat ass. You're too heavy!" Matthew finally was able to turn his head enough to insult his brother. He knew that bringing his brother's weight was a punch below the belt but it was also one of the few things that made him pay attention to you. He received a wet willy in reply but at least he got off him.

"I'm not fat! It's muscles!" Alfred pouted, standing up to brush the knees of his pants.

"I want you to take this drug test right now, mister!" The british accent grew more pronounce and that only meant one thing: Arthur was beyond pissed.

"W-What?"

"You heard me"

Matthew looked over at his papa for an explanation since it seemed like his father was too far gone to make any sense.

Francis pulled out the rolled up magazine that Arthur had stolen from the Dentist office and gave a small shrug. "It's seems like you are showing some signs of drug abuse" was all that he supplied with a little sympathetic smile. This was out of his hands.

"Why do you think that?" He was handed the magazine and he quickly flipped to the page that had a little pink tab sticking out. Looking over the results he felt like laughing hysterically. Not because it was funny but because of course this would happen to the Canadian. One crazy thing after the other. God just loved screwing with him, didn't he?

"You are never home or where you say you are. You act all nervous. Money is always missing from my wallet" Arthur began listing off the reasons that he marked off in the Digest, ticking them off with his fingers. Matthew felt beyond frustrated because for each reason he would be able to give an explanation but if he did then he would also give up his biggest secret and that was one thing he wasn't going to give up anytime soon.

Next year he would have to be sneakier about the registration money and buying new equipment. Maybe he could get a summer job working at an ice cream stand? Him and Carlos loved ice cream. Same with Alfred but he wouldn't come to the store if the 'Communist bastard' worked there so that was another plus to getting a job: No Alfred for a few hours a day.

"The friends you hang out with nowadays are hoodlums! Bloody no good hoodlums! They are no good!" The angry Brit finally finished his list of reason why his son was a pothead or coke addict or whatever the kids were doing these days.

"Dad, they're not like that. They're really decent people, eh" They weren't angels or anything but at least they didn't kick puppies, throw rocks at the homeless or anything awful like that. It was okay to tell a little lie now and then. Luckily, he doesn't hiccup when he lies like Lars does. His eye did twitch though.

"Are they now? What about that Danish boy with the bedhead? He's always getting into fights and drinking!" The small man started flinging his arms as he ranted. Matthew had the weirdest urge to giggle when his father called Mathias a pastry.

He wanted to disagree with his father but everyone and their second cousins knew that the Dane liked his beer.

He had even showed up to their practice completely smashed a few times. Matthew felt laughter bubbled in his throat at the memory of one particular practice but fortunately the laughter came out as a burp.

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"I'm here, bitches! Let's get this party started" The teen had swung his arms up (which both held a bottle of beer in them) and attempted to lean against the doorframe. He missed it completely and smacked his head on the frame before toppling over. Beer flying in the air as he dropped.

He sat up with his leg spread out in front of him and looked up at Matthew, who in a panic ran over to see if he was hurt, with big owlish eyes and asked the Canadian "Are you okay?" in the most concern voice they've heard from the loud boy. Lukas just smacked his forehead at the antic of his idiot.

All of them just watched as the drunken boy climbed into the garbage can that they kept in the middle for their tape and other garbage. Poking out from over the rim he shouted "I'm Trashed" before laughing hysterically at his own joke, nearly tipping the garbage can, which barely held him, over.

"I think it's a safe bet that he's completely trashed" Gilbert leaned back with a smirk as he conversed with Mattie. The captain just rolled his eyes.

It was amusing to watch as he attempted to put on his equipment, determined to do it himself since he was a 'functioning alcoholic' as he deemed himself. Lukas had to tie his skates for him after the twentieth time the boy failed.

On the ice he looked like a deer taking its first steps. He was than dubbed 'Bambi' which he didn't understand.

"Ho Down!" was shouted out before Mathias collided with the boards, more at a stumble than at full speed. Luckily the boy seemed unhurt as her burst out into laughter before flipping over on his stomach and going spread eagle.

"Wh't Are ya doin'" The Swede had looked down with a hint of annoyance that he seem to only preserve for the Dane.

"Trying to hold onto the ice so I don't fall off the earth" He had lifted his head when he told Berwald this and then promptly let it fall back to the ice where he then fell asleep. They were surprised that the drunkard was even coherent enough to talk.

They spent the rest of the practice skating around the motionless body as Mathias slept blissfully, snores indicating that he was still alive. Throughout the practice, Berwald had often stopped in front of the unconscious in order to spray him with ice a few times. He didn't even stir in his slumber.

The coaches were laughing too hard to yell at him.

An annoyed Berwald and an amused Matthew had to throw his arms over their shoulders to drag him into the dressing room after the two hours were up and the Zamboni was already cleaning the ice. It didn't look like he was going to get up by himself anytime soon. So to avoid a messy situation that involved Mathias getting run over by the grouchy Zamboni driver, the two hefted him up from his pathetic little pile on the ground. The Dane then sung his homeland national anthem in that off-key voice of his on his way down.

He then peed on Gilbert's leg while in the shower.

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"He may like to party but he doesn't drink and drive and he also doesn't peer pressure me into drinking with him so I think that's a good friend" Matthew had taken the cup and was staring at it, wondering where his father had found a home drug test kit. "I also don't have to pee.. I went just awhile ago" he mumbled, trying to stall so he could attempt to calculate if he would fail if he takes it that moment. He highly doubts he could get away with stalling the process, judging from the craze eyes that were bulging from his father's head.

A water bottle was then thrusted into his face.

Out of nowhere he was being violently shaken. Alfred had grabbed hold of his shoulder and was shaking him like a maraca. The poor Canadian's head was bobbing up and down like a bobble head at the assault.

"It's him that's making you do his homework, isn't it! Why didn't you come to your big brother for help! I can't have a nerd for a brother! Why, Mattie, Why?" Alfred was yelling out and continued shaking poor Mattie during his fit.

He only stopped when he received a smack to the back of the head from the angry Brit who called him a 'stupid git.'

"Mathias is barely scraping by with a 60% average. I'm pretty damn sure if I was doing his homework it would be a little higher than that, eh" Matthew defended his friend and him. God his brother was an idiot.

"He's not a good friend for you to have, Matthew!"

Matthew thought of Mathias and all the things he has done for him during their long friendship. First he was one of the ones who helped him keep playing the sport that he loved and lived for. He was a partner in crime along with Gilbert. Second he was also the one who kept his hockey bag in his house and even avoided frozen hockey skates for both of them by putting it on a vent overnight. Third was that he always had his back and would never leave him hanging.

That didn't sound like a crappy friend to him at all.

"He's a good guy, dad so please don't worry about him" the comment was received with a scoff and a 'yeah right' from Alfred. His papa just mouthed a 'sorry' to him for the behavior of the two idiots harassing him at the moment.

"It's not just that drunk idiot! What about that Dutch stoner that always reeks off pot! He's probably the one that got you hooked on drugs! I'm going to kill that bloody wanker!"

It was true that Matthew was in danger of failing this test just by sitting near Lars since against all odds he probably got a contact high just being near him. The boy just smoked that much.

"I'm not addicted to drugs, dad. And Lars is one of my best friends and he would never do something like that to me" he took a small sip of the water but when he looked up to his dad's scowling face he started chugging the liquid.

Matt almost choked on his water because of a snort that escaped. He thought about Lars and his shenanigans or crazy ass theories that he came up with while high as a kite.

Lars watching cartoons so much on Saturday morning that it freaked him out when Matthew changed the channel and it had real people on it. He had a SpongeBob addiction going on for awhile. He probably watched the 1st generation of Pokémon about ten times and could name all 151 Pokémon even while completely burnt out. He even claimed that it was his goal to become a bio engineer so that he would be able to create real live Pokémon just so he could own a Cubone which he said was 'badass'.

He recalled Lars basically buying out everything in the convenience store just to subdue his munchies. He would make all these weird concoctions by mixing food products that normally would not taste good together and it would somehow turn out to be the best thing ever made. He once made a pizza that consisted of chocolate, crushed up Captain Crunch, nerds, whip cream and strawberry jam. It was better than sex. Gilbert and he even teared up when they took the first bite. It was that magical. He was a wizard with food when he blazed up. He could make anything into bacon flavored. His bacon milkshake rocked Mattie's world.

Matthew would occasionally have to drive the Sunfire since Lars would be burnt out, but the Dutchman didn't seem to notice as he sat in the passenger seat with a paper plate telling Mattie that 'See, I'm not too high to drive' and continued to steer with the plate. He even made the Canadian slam on the brakes in order to let a hedgehog cross the road.. it turned out to be a pine corn. Once they were at a stop sign and Mattie started driving after making sure the coast was clear, Lars yelled out saying that the sign hasn't turned green yet. Mattie was almost pissing himself laughing and had to pull over to have a laughing fit, Lars joining in but not having a clue why they were laughing in the first place.

"He's a riff-raff and I don't approve of you-"his next words were muffled by Alfred's hands which he shoved in his face and pushed back when he leaned towards Mattie.

"It's that jerk, isn't it!" Matthew quickly shook his head back and forth; he could feel a headache beginning to throb at the back of his head.

Lars may have been a chronic drug user but that didn't make him a bad friend. He showed up to all his practices and games to cheer him on and celebrate afterwards with a Big Gulp or Slushie. He drove him everywhere and never complained about it or asked for gas money. He always shared his stash or his snacks. Everytime that Mattie was sad/mad/nervous, Lars would either say or do something to make the boy laugh or put a smile back on his face. He had always been there by Matthew's side, supporting him and cheering him on as he continued to do what he loved.

"No, he's a nice guy too! I swear" Tears were gathering in the corner of his eyes. Maybe his puppy dog face would get them to calm down and stop this nonsense! Widening his eyes and sticking out his bottom lips, Mattie glanced at the crazy duo from beneath his eyelashes.

That only accomplished Arthur grabbing his chin and tilting his face up to see if his eyes were bloodshot from pot.

"What about that Russian fellow. He's probably in a Mafia or something and he's using you as a drug mule, isn't he?" He could hear his papa mutter a 'mon dieu!' before he excused himself to make supper. You know shit is messed up when Francis wasn't being the over-dramatic one!

"No!" shouted Matthew in exasperation, saying it through the bathroom door where he pushed into and was trying to piss into the small cup without getting some on his hands. He succeeded in avoiding his hands but it somehow splashed and got on the outside of the cup, making it sticky and gross.

"He may be scary but he likes me so he's generally nice to me! Also his sister is my friend so he wouldn't do anything to upset her" he tried reasoning with his paranoid dad. He didn't even know if he heard him over Alfred's anguish cries and threats of killing that 'commie'. Mattie just rolled his eyes before he continued to wad up toilet paper to clean the mess.

Sure Ivan may be a worse drunk then Mathias but does that really make him a bad guy? Never had he hit Matthew or forced him into something he was uncomfortable with. Sure the teen teased him by calling him 'his little mouse' ever since they learned that Canadians were known for mouse-holing during the battles in Stalingrad and sometimes he scared the shit out of him but he was still a good friend to him. If someone pushed him into the locker or mistake him for Alfred and tried to beat him up, Ivan would picked them up and shove them into the nearest garbage can or opened locker. He may have an odd way of showing it but the big guy did care for him.

"He drinks Vodka likes it water!" His father yelled before making a comment to hurry up or else they'd suspect he was tampering with the evidence. Alfred said that shaking it three times is playing with yourself.

His father did not know how right he was about the Vodka bit. Matthew had lost track of the many times he glanced over at Ivan and saw the boy tipping a bottle of Vodka into his water bottle before a practice or a game. If Ivan spotted Mattie watching he would just wink and offer him a sip.

Matthew finished wiping the cup, handing it out the door to his crazy father. Washing he hands, Matthew waited for him to bring up Gilbert, another friend that his father doesn't approve of.

"And that Gilbert fellow! He's a bad seed. Always drinking and fighting like the others. Always being snarky and sarcastic. A real wanker if you ask me. He's so narcissistic too"

"Always claiming that he's awesome" Alfred inputted.

Matthew's eye twitched. That was his best friend that he was talking about. His very first friend that he made in kindergarten where Gilbert offered Matthew a crayon and they spent the rest of the day drawing dinosaurs and polar bears and eating the crayons. Gilbert was so cute when he was little with his little accent. They plan on being bros until they were old and senile in a retirement home, playing bingo for a banana. The albino even made Matthew promise that they would go to the same university.

He was also an awesome drinking buddy and you definitely need a good wingman when you go off to college or university.

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"What is he doing?" Matthew was watching Gilbert sitting on the floor, watching the TV which was playing 'Super Troopers'. He had an open blue box grasped in his hands, a tub of butter by his feet, and a jug of 2% milk in his other hand. On closer inspection, Mattie could distinguish the box was Kraft dinner.

"He said he was too drunk to work the stove so he decided to eat the KD that way" Vash murmured over the rim of his beer, also watching the smashed albino.

"Oh. Well good thing he cares about safety"

They both watched him pour a small amount of raw noodles into his mouth, some spilling onto the floor but it went unnoticed by Gilbert. He then proceeded to lick a spoon of butter and sprinkle the orange fluorescent cheese from the package. Tipping the milk jog into his mouth, the silverette began to gurgle like it was mouthwash before chewing and swallowing the mixture.

Both of the boys watching him just snorted at the antics of the crazy albino.

Finally noticing the fallen noodles, Gilbert turned to go pick them up when he caught glimpse of Matthew who just arrived at their little shindig.

"Birdie!" Gilbert reached out with both hands like a little kid who wanted to be picked up by their mother. Yup, he was definitely smashed.

"Hey Gilbert" he bent down to give the boy a quick hug, knowing if he didn't he would have a pouty drunk Gil that would not shut the hell up until he got one.

"I love you, man"

"Olive juice you too, Gilbert" The boy teased, plopping down on the couch behind the silverette who was swaying back and forth despite the fact that he was sitting down. They both turned to the TV screen. The scene was the highway patrol pulling over a speeding car that held two Germans.

"You know what I noticed about German stereotypes?"

"Hmm?"

"It's either they're Nazi's or fruity guys that love to have kinky sex like him" he pointed to the German man on the movie who was tickling the highway patrol with a big blue feather on the crotch area.

"You gotta love stereotypes" Mattie chugged the rest of his beer with Gilbert leaning up to hold the bottom of the bottle above, forcing the Canadian to chug faster if he didn't want it spilt all over his bunnyhug. He had to catch up with the albino, and he had about twenty more beers to go to do so.

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"They aren't bad influences on me!"

A scene where Ivan and Gilbert holding his legs over his head as Matthews drank from the keg, counting how many seconds he lasted while the others were screaming 'Chug! Chug! Chug!' Okay.. maybe they weren't the greatest influence on him but his father didn't have to know that.

"And I'm not doing their homework! Just because they're jocks doesn't mean that they're complete dumbasses! They can do their own homework! And some of them are getting bad marks so it's obvious that it's not me doing it!"

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Mathias made a clucking noise with his tongue as he looked over the test that they just got back. He wasn't wearing a shit-eating grin so that meant that he didn't get a very good mark. "Yeah..I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fail this class" he finally concluded after looking at all the red 'x' marking the paper.

"Why do you say that? it's just the first test of the semester. I'm sure you'll do better" Matthew tried cheering up the other blonde.

"The teacher stapled a McDonald's application to my test" The Dane said, deadpanned.

The Canadian gave a low whistle. After glancing at the poor mark and the red ink adorning the page "You Mcfucked up, man" he said.

Mathias snorted and agreed before chucking his test into the trash bin.

"Oh well. Professional hockey players don't need to know math" he gloated, relaxing into his chair with his hands behind his head.

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"I have some pretty awesome friends. And I really don't like you guys calling them idiots or accusing them of hooking me on drugs or something stupid like that" Mattie mumbled, looking down at his shoes with a sad expression.

Francis flew out of the kitchen and crushed Matthew in a bear hug, smushing their cheeks together with cries of 'you're so adorable' and 'leave my baby alone!"

During the whole lectures about the friends that Mattie was hanging out with and how much of a bad influence they were on the boy, Arthur was doing the home drug test to see if Matthew's urine contained any traces of drugs.

Once he got the results after waiting the amount of time it prescribed, he checked the little pamphlet that came in the box to see if his youngest son was a drug user.

"It's negative." The Brit looked relieved, his eyebrows un-scrunching and his tense shoulders slumping into a more relaxed state.

Matthew visibly relaxed in the Frenchman's arm but thankfully it went unnoticed by the other two.

"Are you happy? Can I go to my bedroom now? Or are you going to accuse me of being a prostitute or some other insane accusation like that?" Mattie felt like he deserved to get pissed off at them for ruining his good mood. He would've given them a three hour rant but he lacked the energy to do so. All he wanted was to get away from them before they corner him and somehow found out about his secret.

"I'm sorry, lad" Arthur look so guilt-ridden that Mattie couldn't resist giving him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.

"Its okay" he smiled a small reassuring smile at the distort man.

After cleaning up his scattered paper that Alfred had thrown around in his fit earlier on and getting rid of the cup of pee, Mattie bid everyone a goodnight and dashed upstairs to the safety of his room where he knew he wouldn't be disturbed. Out of sight out of mind.

As soon as his door was closed, he pressed himself against it and slowly slid down it until he hit the floor. His body felt boneless. Like he was made of goo. Kumajirou waddled over to his owner, lying down beside him with his head resting on his thigh.

Letting out a shaky breathe, the boy combed a shaky hand through his hair, the other petting his dog.

"Maple. That was close"

The End of Chapter 6!

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(I'm aiming for 20 reviews this time xD I love anon reviews too so if you're too lazy to log in than its alright :3 I'm being greedy with my goals since I got so many last time which surprised me so much :O Thank you so much! You guys are pure awesomeness!)

A/N:

Sorry if the flashbacks were confusing ha. I'm just not a big fan of italic. And thanks again for so many reviews ^^ You guys are awesome. I have a question for you guys. I read on a little bio of Korea that he's friends with Canada. Does anyone know if this is true? And if it is, is it because of a comic strip? Do they interact somehow? It just confused me haha. On another note, I feel like such a little kid again haha. I've started watching Cardcaptor Sakura and that used to be like my childhood :P I don't know if it's going to affect my writing and make it more fluffy instead of the crude humor that I write due to me reading Spud and watching Spike TV. Oh well ^^ Sorry for all the random A/N that has nothing to do with the story lol. I'm surprised this story hasn't gotten any criticism haha maybe because everybody knows that this story isn't being taken serious :P Thanks again to those who reviews :3 Olive juice you guys.


	8. Chapter 7: Operation Sweded

I just realized that my Author Notes are longer than other people's haha. I guess I just never know how to shut the hell up (You should hear me drunk, I never stfu lol). And thank you for the reviews and for answering my question :D I finally looked at the comic strip again and spotted Korea in it along with Canada and China. Me no confused no more :P. And I just want to say olive juice to my 15 devoted reviewers who review every chapter. You. Guys. Are. Awesome! And I never realized so many people noticed the titles ha I should probably make them better now that I know you guys are actually reading them :P I didn't make it to my 20 review mark but I was being unrealistic ^^ so I'll just aim at 15 now since that's what I got for the last 3 chapters. I can't be a greedy bitch :P.

I'm watching 'That 70's Show' and that group of friends is just the most epic group of friends ever (I might aim to make the hockey team like that). I kinda could see Mattie as Erik and Gilbert as Steven. Lars would be Michael Kelso and I can't think of anybody for Fez. I could totally see Poland as Jackie lol. Okay on with the story before I get to the point where I can't stfu.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my Momiji doll collection (which I adore :D) and I definitely do not own Hetalia so no sueing.

Also I feel obligated to say that I do not encourage drinking, smoking, drug-abuse or hazing or any of the crazy shit these guys do!

Deke the Parents: Operation Sweded

Lars kept looking into his rearview mirror with narrowed eyes. His knuckles were turning white from squeezing the steering wheel too tightly.

He made a right turn which confused Mattie since the hockey rink was in the other direction. The other was dropping him off at his practice like he did everyday but something was off that day.

"I think someone is following us" he gritted his teeth and made another right turn. Sure enough the vehicle behind them made the same turn, continuing to follow at a safe distance and not tailgate them but also not giving them enough space to lose them.

"He's just being a paranoid stoner!" Belle huffed in annoyance in the backseat. She decided to hop into her brother's Sunfire, which smelled strongly like nacho cheese, so she could get a ride to the hockey rink where the other girl's were practicing their cheers for the next game. They were sure Mei was going to make the team so they needed to catch her up on the routine. It shouldn't be too difficult since the girl was used to remembering dance routines with her being a figure skater. The petite Asian had also told them that she had designs for cheerleading outfits that she said would look uber cute on them.

It was true that the Dutchman was a paranoid stoner that believed in every conspiracy if they had a YouTube video or documentary on it. The government is supposedly out to get them. The boy even covers up his webcam because he claims that the government is using it to spy on them.

"Even his religious views are paranoid"

"Shut up. I'm just a paranoid Agnostic. I don't know what outs there but I know it's out to get me" Both the passengers snorted but they had to agree with him on that at least a little, but they wouldn't admit it. They both swayed slightly as Lars made another right turn. The other car did too.

"Who do you think it is?" Matthew turned around and peered at the car behind them but couldn't get a good view with Belle and all the other junk piled up on the back window in the way. Pretty sure that was dangerous.

"Well.. Judging the fact that he's driving on the wrong side of the road, I think it's a good guess that it's your dad. I can even see his eyebrows from here" Lars made the final right turn which had basically had brought them in a big circle. The car was definitely following them. He had learnt that trick in a Spy novel when he was going through his James Bond phase.

"I think Alfred is in the passenger seat" Bella had pulled out her little Hello Kitty compact mirror to take a peek. Sure enough, Alfred was in the passenger seat with a baseball cap pulled over his mop of hair and sunglasses perched on his nose, slurping a McDonald's milkshake. He looked like a celebrity trying to hide from the paparazzi.

"Oh god. I thought this problem was solved yesterday!" He had told the team via text message right after the incident. He had gotten mostly sympathy from his normal friends and taunts and ridicule from his best friends.

"I think your dad is going Sherlock Holmes on us" Lars mumbled, keeping an eye on the road from that point on since it would look pretty bad if he hit a garbage bin or telephone post or something along that line in front of Mattie's dad. He already hated him enough, killing his youngest would just make it ten times worse.

Sure enough, even from this distance they could see the trench coat, sunglasses and hat that made up Arthur's outfit.

"What do we do?" Belle began panicking in the backseat, shaking Mattie's headrest. She sounded on the verge of hysteria. Matthew was a really good friend to her and Lars and she didn't want to see him off the Hockey team! He was the one to teach her how to do a slapshot when they were younger.

"Take me to the library" Mattie pointed in the direction where the public library resided. It was the lie that he kept feeding his family so he might as well make it more convincing.

"But what about practice?"

"I'll have to miss it"

"Isn't that special meeting going on tonight?"

"Maples!" Lars and Belle both quietly snickered at the Canadian's way of swearing when he's off the ice. On the ice was a different story. He swore like a sailor as soon as his skates touched the slippery surface.

Matthew quickly fished out his cell phone and dialed the coach's number.

"_Ciao!" _The Italian cheerfully greeted.

"I'm having a few issues and I might not make it to practice tonight" he knew that he would suffer missing a practice by doing suicides until he puked next time but he would rather that happen than not play hockey at all.

"_Oh no! Thatsa not good, Matteo! You have to be here tonight! Tonight is a special night!" _The Italian man sounded frantic as he spoke. Matthew could just imagine him flailing the arm that wasn't holding his phone. By the grumbling German words he heard, it sounded like he accidently smacked the assistant coach with the hand.

"Okay I'll make sure I'm there. I'll figure something out"

After hanging up with the man, Mattie started banging his head on the dashboard, empty cheeseburger boxes falling down around him. His life sucked! He felt the headache coming back but was unsure if it was because of the situation or him trying to bask his head in with the dashboard. Probably a combination of both.

They finally pulled up to the library that Matthew had never actually set foot in. They all felt dread descend on them as they glimpsed to see that Arthur had parked too. They were really hoping that they would keep driving by as soon as Matthew pulled up into the library.

"What am I going to do?" Matthew was definitely one stage away from a panic attack. He didn't want to try the paper bag trick since it almost killed Raivis last time, when the poor had sucked in a receipt paper.

Lars looked at his best friend with concern. Mattie had done so much for him. He helped him with his studies when his mother threatened to send him to military school. He had helped out at the flower shop on more than one occasion. He had even given him his clean pee when his soccer team had to take a drug test last year. His family took care of his pet bunny while his family went to Netherlands for a family reunion. He heard that Arthur played with it every day and called him 'Flying Mint bunny'?

It was his turn to help Mattie out.

"Don't worry. I have a plan" Lars placed a reassuring hand on the top of Mattie's head. The Canadian looked up (even though Lars was only an inch taller) with a questioning gaze before giving a small nod and a small smile that said that he trusted the stoner against his better judgment.

The Belgium girl scoffed.

They all jumped out of the car, grabbing their backpacks in the backseat before heading to the door of the library. Thankfully it was just after school and the trio had decided to go grab something to eat before practice or else it would've looked suspicious going inside the building empty handed, especially in Matthew's case.

The sneaky pair walked in right after them. Matthew could hear Alfred humming the Mission Impossible theme song.

The three of them flopped down at a table, not looking forward to spending their day at a stuffy library that reeked of old books and a grumpy librarian.

Arthur had grabbed a newspaper to hide behind and Alfred pulled out a Gameboy much to the Brit's annoyance. They sat at the other end but at a spot where they could still see the other group.

"So.. what's your plan, oh smart one" Belle asked, pulling out a nail file and started doing her nail behind a propped up book. They had to at least make it look convincing that they were there to do homework.

"I have to make a call" Lars got up, giving Matthew a discrete wink to show that he was on this. He then walked off, pulling out his cell.

"I wonder what the plan is" Matthew bit his bottom lip in a nervous fashion, worrying the bottom of his bunnyhug.

"Probably something completely idiotic that would only work in a comic book or a sitcom on TV" Belle flipped the page of her magazine, bored already. She obviously had no faith in Lars which was concerning for Mattie since she was his sibling and knew him the best.

He really hoped that Lars would pull through since he couldn't come up with anything. Sure he was able to come up with awesome plays for Hockey but as soon as he was out of the rink he was really unsure of what to do. He was so close to tears. A comforting hand was placed on his knee where it gave a small squeeze. Looking up from his pathetic slump, he looked over at Belle who gave him a smile.

"He may be a dumbass most of the time but he has his moments where he could be smart"

"Who could be smart?" Lars had come back, slumping down in his chair before reluctantly pulling out his binder and flipping it to his Math homework. He was in danger of failing the boring subject.

"Gilbert!" like hell she was going to give him a compliment to his face!

"Hmm" Lars mumbled dismissively. He opted out of his homework and started doodling a picture of him riding a dragon.

"So?" Matthew looked at his friend, anxiously. Almost ready to jump the boy for answers.

Lars finally looked up from his notebook to glance at Mattie, looking confused about what he was asking about. "Oh! Yeah no worries, the plan is set in motion" he gave a thumbs up before going back to his drawing. Mattie just gave a frustrated groan, knowing that the boy wouldn't tell him what was going down. It wouldn't look like it since he's paranoid of everything but the Dutchman loved surprises whether he was receiving them or dishing them out. He always bought a Kinder Surprise, a hollow chocolate egg with a toy in the middle, after school as an award for not skipping and getting high under the bleachers.

Twenty minutes later of folding up loose-leaf into mini footballs and flicking it back and forth, trying to score on a make-shift goal post, Lars phone finally buzzed. Lars had to remove one of his hands to reach his phone, wrecking the goalpost and making Mattie miss which he voiced his outrage by claiming that still counted as points. He was winning for once and he wasn't going to let that slip!

"Okay they're here! Here's what you do so listen up. You go outside and make a phone call to your dad and tell him you're going to be in the library until it closes" Mattie got up and looked at Lars, expectantly. After it looked like he wasn't going to give him anymore than what was said he left the library with an exasperated sigh.

On his way out, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to rid himself of the headache that was beginning to throb.. He felt the glass door with his outreached hand and shouldered it open. Finally opening up his shut eyes, the boy stopped dead in his tracks.

What the hell?

He was staring at himself.. Or what was supposed to look like him.

"Hi, Matthew! Desu-yo!" Peter Kirkland stared back at him with a big grin, rocking back and forth on the heels of his feet. He was wearing glasses that closely resembled the ones that were sitting on Mattie's nose. His hair was brushed out and he somehow even had the weird cowlick that Mattie could never keep down, no matter how much of Lar's hair gel he used. The elementary school boy was even wearing the identical outfit that he had on: A red hoodie with blue jeans. Only an idiot would be convinced that this little kid would be Matthew! Hell he was about 2 or more feet taller than the boy!

He was going to kick Lar's ass and get them thrown out of the library for disturbance.

"Who did your hair?" Matthew couldn't help but be impressed with the whole outfit even though it was destined to fail. Nobody with a single brain cell would fall for such an obvious decoy.

"Berwald sweded it for me! Desu-yo!" Matthew blinked at him. Sweded?

"This is crazy" Matthew mumbled, fishing out his phone to make the call. He wasn't even sure if he should since it was obvious that Peter wouldn't fool his family.

Dialing his father's number, he tapped his foot and chewed on his lips, trying desperately to come up with a plan that would actually work. He could hear the Beatles ring tone through the door and the angry librarian shushing his father.

"_Hello?" _it was a whisper but you could hear the annoyance laced in it. His father probably didn't appreciate getting shushed by the bitter woman.

"Dad? Why are you whispering?" since his father was giving him a hard time he might as well pay back the favor.

"_I-I have a sore throat!_" He must've got his lying ability (or lack of) from his father since the man stumbled with his words.

"Oh that's unfortunate. Well I just wanted to tell you I'll be at the library for awhile. I have a project due"

"_Okay, lad. Work hard" _he then promptly hung up. Matthew listened to the dial tone for a moment before also hanging up to turn and tell Peter to go home.

Peter wasn't in sight.

"Maples!" he rushed back inside to try and catch the grade schooler before he was spotted by Arthur or Alfred. That would definitely make them even more suspicious than they already were.

He was too late.

Peter Kirkland, Arthur's nephew, was already sitting in the seat Matthew was occupying before. He was even swinging his feet underneath him in a childish fashion.

He was so dead. So so dead.

"Oh Matthew's back from his phone call" Matthew, who was in the midst of hysteria/banging his head on the nearest hard surface, didn't notice that he was standing right behind his brother and father with their backs turned to him. "I wonder how long he's going to do his homework with his friends"

"I dunno, dude but I'm getting bored" Alfred glanced up at 'Matthew' before going back down to play his Pokémon game. He was up against the last gym leader and that needed his full attention. Mattie couldn't believe this. His family was actually buying this..

His family was full of idiots.

His pocket vibrated and luckily the idiot duo in front of him didn't hear him receiving a text message.

**From: Lars**

**Go get'm, tiger**

He should stop thinking that anyone around him is normal. He mouthed a thank you to Lars for his crazy ass scheme that actually worked against all odds.

Glancing at his watch, he quickly left the stuffy library with its stuffy librarian. He was about to think of a way to get to the hockey rink when a red truck pulled up. A window rolled down to show Lukas sitting in the passenger seat.

"Get in, Bitch. We're going shopping" The Norwegian boy said in his monotonous voice, looking completely serious which was very comical to the Canadian, who snorted before clambering in the back where Berwald and Tino were sitting.

"I can't believe that actually worked"

" 'm th't good" The Swede had mumbled, slinging an arm over Tino's shoulders and bringing him closer so they could snuggle discretely (but was totally obvious). Mathias pulled out of the parking lot and started heading towards the hockey rink. Mattie looked into the bunk and saw 6 hockey bags piled up on each other.

"And my family are idiots"

"You're not the only one surrounded by an idiot" Lukas mumbled after the tenth time Erik had to swat at Mathias wandering hand. The poor Icelandic boy was sitting in the middle, between Mathias (the driver) and his brother. The Dane was trying to place his hand on Lukas' thigh but Erik wasn't having any of that.

They were ten minutes late for practice and had to make up for it by doing ten minutes of Suicide exercise. They nearly died of exhaustion.

TRANSITION

All throughout the practice, Mattie felt someone or some people watching his performance. Glancing up towards the sky boxes, he looked over to the only one that was tinted.

He asked the others if they knew if anyone was observing the practice. They all shook their heads.

"Maybe it's a sponsor looking to see if they should invest in us" Tino offered Mattie, trying to calm the paranoid boy. He probably was just hanging out with Lars too much.

"It might be some of the potential players who are trying out tomorrow? Maybe trying to get a feel of what's expected of them" Gilbert stated, after all if he was in their position he would do just that.

"Maybe it's another team trying to spy on us, da?" The Russian skated up to join in the conversation; he started peering all over the stadium to see if he was right. He felt like punching someone today.

"Enough with your tea party boys! Get back to work!" The coach yelled at them from the bench. Matthew had skated up to him to voice his concern but it was met with a dismissive wave. "They are just-a bunch of friends who wanted to see how the team was doing this year. No worries~"

Mattie nodded before skating off. Now that he knew that his performance was being judged, he upped it up a notch.

XxxxoXxXXXXxxxxxxoooxXXXxxxx

Matthew sat down in the huge locker room; all the other players had gone home. Lars had texted him to tell him that his family had left the library twenty minutes ago and that he would pick him up after the ceremony. He was stiff with tension, he didn't dare move. He could feel droplets of sweat sliding down the back of his neck.

There were about 25 other people in the room, all standing with their hands placed behind their backs, looking like they were standing attention in the army. All of them were different ages ranging from an old wrinkly man that looked in his 90's to John, the person who hazed him not too long ago. They were all wearing the Kelowna's Polar Bears hockey jersey, although each of them was different in design or colors. Those were the jersey they were when the reign as captain of this team.

They were holding a Captain Ceremony to officiate Matthew as the Captain of this year (and hopefully next year too). If Matthew wasn't used to always facing weird things, this probably would have freaked him the hell out.

It was just going to be a nice little ceremony that would probably be over within the hour. He just had to smile and look pretty and talk to the older men about hockey and his future plans for the team. The boy tried to calm himself down by reasoning that everyone involved in his life was not bat-shit crazy.

He started to relax his muscles and breathe normally. He was relatively calm until he looked up towards the entrance.

Matthew watched in utter disbelief as the man who hazed him, John, was carried out in a small fishing boat by six other former captains. He was pretending to row as the others glided him into the room. His outfit was some sort of military/navy/marine's outfit going on. It was white with golden buttons adorning the front and black shoulders. Medals were scattered across the chest and a white Captains (sailing) cap was placed neatly on top of his brunette hair. This confused the poor Canadian to no ends. He looked over to his coaches, both standing with the rest. The Italian just winked and the German just nodded his head towards the boat, telling Matthew to pay attention. His coach had on a purple jersey with yellow trims and the number '49' patched on it. The assistant coach had on the opposite: Yellow with purple. He had number 38 on the shoulders. Both had slightly different pictures of Polar Bears on the front, showing the difference in generations. He tried in vain to stop his twitching eye.

Why can't he just have a normal life?

The boat finally reached where Mattie was sitting, the bow almost crushing his vital regions when it bumped into his seat which was the bottom of a post. Luckily he scutched back an inch.

"All aboard"

"I rather just si-" John interrupted his polite dismissal.

"Get in the boat." Sighing, Mattie stepped into the little boat along with him. Just do what the crazy people say and they'll be happy and not hurt you.

He looked expectantly at him, raised eyebrow. He just wanted to get this over with so he can go get a slush and play video games with Alfred.

"As former captain of the Kelowna Polar Bears, I hereby pass the torch to you, Matthew William Kirkland-Bonnefoy" the young adult had taken off the Captain's hat and had placed it over his heart "Kneel down if you accept." Before Matthew could even contemplate what the hell was going on; John had grabbed his shoulders and forced the boy onto his knees.

He then placed the hat on top of Matthew's head as a semblance of him passing down the title.

"Okay Great" He was once again interrupted, hands on his shoulders forcing him back down when he tried to stand up.

"We're not finished." Mattie's eyes flew open and he gawked as the university student plunged his hands down the front of his own pants. His mind went blank for a second as he stared, wide-eyed before going into haywire with a chant of 'I'm gonna be rape! I'm gonna be rape by 25 old men! Oh god No!"

His eyes scanned the exits and then when they returned to the man in front of him he saw that he was holding a cup, one that you put in a jock strap..

The panic quickly faded but was replaced by confusion.

"Every Captain since the beginning of the Polar Bears has worn this cup and now you will wear it too" The cup was passed to Matthew we gingerly took it between his thumb and pointer finger, trying to make as little contact with the piece of equipment as possible.

"That's a lot of dicks" Matthew muttered more to himself.

"A lot of legendary dicks" One of the younger former captains had heard him, smirking at the blushing Canadian.

"Um thank you, guys?" He was really unsure of what to say to the others for giving him this cup that was probably ridden with an STD or two. He was going to Lysol his hands as soon as he got home.

"Well go on" All of the men were looking at the teen expectantly.

"Oh you got to be kidding me" he said under his breath, getting up from his sitting position in the boat. John gave him a stern look that basically told Mattie that there would be hell to pay if he didn't cooperate.

Reluctantly he plunged the cup into the front of his jeans, careful of not going under the briefs he wore. "Happy? Is it done now"

"And now for the final step!" John yelled out so everyone heard him. Seeing Matthew's horror-stricken face, he said "It's not official yet, Matthew. Not until you've been branded by the Polar Bear mark!" He said it like it was totally normal to brand somebody, like telling them that they thought it was going to rain that night or something.

"What?" he was already tattooed! Now he had to be branded like a cow? Next is he going to have to get a Prince Albert piercing?

All the people in the room began lifting articles of clothing in order to show Matthew the mark they received at their ceremonies when they were being recognized as the new Captain. People had it on their biceps, their legs, hips, butts, and various other body parts.

He looked over in shock at the flames and charcoal that glowed in the corner. Why didn't he notice that before? He watched in horror as one of the former captains, he looked like the one from '97', pick up a rod with the end shaped like a polar bear (much like the one on the NWT license plate) before slowly making his way towards the hyperventilating boy.

"Where are you going to have it" the man with the searing hot rod asked him. Biting his lower lip and screwing his eyes shut tight, Mattie pulled down his pants and lowered his brief a little further down on his left leg. He contemplated on putting it on his ass along with his tattoo but decided that he would rather have it right beside his hips. It will still be covered by his underwear which was all that mattered really.

"Okay I'm re- Oh my fucking god! Motherfucker Guh!" The bastard didn't even wait for him to give the go ahead. His eyes had flown open the second it touched his skin. He heard the adults laughter as he hopped up and down, swearing like there was no tomorrow. He was pretty sure he called the brander a 'dicklicker assfucker' in the midst of his swearing rant. Without giving it a thought he raced to the showers and turned it to the coldest it would get. He was drenched when he finally came out of the shower, looking like a drowned rat.

He was met with applause and claps to the backs as congratulations on being the next generation's Captain.

Even though his skin still felt like it was on fire and he was soaking wet, he had never felt more happy or just more 'visible' than that very moment.

He had an ear-splitting grin as someone tousled his hair. He may be surrounded by craziness but he never felt more alive than he did amongst the chaos.

TRANSITION

"They didn't!" Lars shouted out before bursting out into laughter. Matthew was telling him what had happened to him that night as they all sat around at Mcdick's, eating sundaes or ice cream cones.

"They did! Then they made me wear it" he was telling about the infamous cup that was passed down. "I couldn't tell them it was too small, either!"

"Haha that's just too good. What else happened?" Mattie than showed Lars and Belle the scarred skin on his hips and they found it to be the funniest thing ever. They were almost kicked out of Mickey D's for being a disturbance.

"So what happened after all that shit?"

"Well we stayed for champagne and these mini-sandwiches that Mrs. Vargas made. Everyone wanted to shake my hand and talk to me about my future plans or how the team was this year. They reckon that we could win the Junior League this year" Mattie claimed as he dunked a fry into his soft served ice cream. For some reason the saltiness and sweetness was the perfect combo. "I also got my picture taken for the wall and we also took one of everyone. It was pretty sweet."

"Well I'm glad it all worked out" Lars took another bite of his Double McGangBang which was a Double Big Mac with two McChicken patties inside of it. They couldn't even close the lid of the box, that's how big it was.

"Oh and we also owe Peter a Power Ranger toy" Lars mumbled with a mouthful, gulping it down with a slurp of his Coca-Cola.

"What one is he asking for?"

"The pink one. He says he's too embarrassed to buy it himself since it's so girly. It's the only one he's missing from his collection" The Dutchman chuckled.

"Wanna go grab him one before the try-outs tomorrow?" He might as well get it over and done with before he forgot about it and pisses off the small boy. He tends to be forgetful. Hell he even forgets his dogs name every now and then.

"Definitely. I owe him too since he helped me with my Math homework" Matthew was too good in a mood to tease his friend for getting homework help from an elementary student.

"You know what I think" he nibbled thoughtfully at the salty fry that Alfred would give his left leg for.

Lars made a 'hmm'ing noise to indicate that he was listening.

"I think that despite all the crazy shit that occurs, the 'shit' never actually hits the fan" Lars snorted but had to agree with him on that. Matthew had already survived the hazing and numerous other chaotic incidences and had somehow still kept his secret against all odds.

"I'm gonna make it through this year without them finding out" Matthew finally concluded with a new glint in his eyes.

He really should've knocked on wood.

**The End of Chapter 7! **

(I'll start on the next chapter after 15-17 reviews. Anon are welcomed xo)

I'm severely disappointed with this chapter :/ I just had to get it out of the way though.

Chapter loosely based on the Episode of 'The Captain' in Blue Mountain State. Not my greatest but oh well ha, I had to get it out of the way.

A/N: I'm thinking of putting a small chapter in front of Chapter 1. I think I would get more readers if I make it in the format I'm writing in now which is basically chaos. For some reason my writing style changed drastically from Chapter one to Chapter 6 haha maybe it's my mood or I'm just that heavily influenced on the things I read or watch ha.

You guys in America Suck! (not really since a lot of my readers are American and I'm just a jealous bitch :3) You guys have all the awesome Coffee creamer! My sister googled it and saw that you guys have Pep, Cinnabon, Almond Joy and so much more delicious sounding flavours :o. My sister is getting addicted to coffee and so am I on a lesser level. You lucky bastards ha. I also felt the need to explain what a Kinder Surprise is since I heard somewhere that the United States does not have them (who's lucky now :D). I also heard you guys call 'Smarties' for what we call 'Rockets' which are those small chalky candies. What we call 'Smarties' are candy coated chocolate. Weeird :P. Do you guys even have Smarties (the Canadian kind?). I heard you guys also don't have Ketchup chips or Oh Henry bars :O The Horrors!


	9. Chapter 8: Asians on Ice

I decided that I'm doing shit all today so I might as well start on Chapter 8 while I watch my DVD's. I'm not excited for this chapter but I am for the next one :D I haven't really put hockey in the last few chapters so I feel like I should put it in this one and actually give an explanation about the sport to people who never played the sport or live in countries that it's not that popular (LoveisthePainInside ahem. One of my favourite reviewers. Yes I pick favourites :P). People who review all my chapters are my favorites :3. You guys know who you are. Much love xox.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not Hetalia or the game hockey.

Summary: Matthew William is the captain of his hockey team but is hiding that fact from his family since they claim that the sport is too dangerous, ignoring the fact that their other son is the quarterback of the football team. Matt, with the help of his team mates, attempts to hide his bruises and black eyes while avoiding concussions so that he can stay on the team and lead them to victory. Go Kelowna Polar Bears!

Deke the Parents: Asians on Ice

Mathias slumped into his chair, giving a big yawn and a scratch to his bedhead. He was never a morning person. He blinked his still sleepy eyes a few times, trying to wake up at least a little. Glancing to the next seat beside him, he blinked a few more times.

"Where's Mattie? Home room is about to start" he mumbled, sluggishly poking Berwald's back. The Swede always sat in front of him saying that he didn't want the idiot anywhere in his line of vision.

Swatting the offending finger away in slight annoyance, he mumbled "pr'ctice."

"Matthew Kirkland-Bonnefoy?" the teacher called out, taking attendance for that period.

"H-here" the Dane said in a meek little voice, ducking behind Berwald's broad back and raising his hand. He was doing his best impersonation of their captain off the ice. It would just cause more suspicion with Mattie's dad if they received an automatic voice message that said his son was missing from school that day.

"He's at the hockey arena with the three potential players" a Finnish voice piped up from beside Berwald.

"Three?" Mathias interrupted Tino, who was also in their English class. He thought that there were only two? The Korean A.D.H.D kid and the fashion obsessed girl from Taiwan.

"Oh Im Yong Soo told another figure skater about the try out and he wants to give it a shot" the small blonde explained, opening up his binders to finish his assignment on 'In Search of April Raintree'.

"I wonder how they are doing. That would also explain why he asked for my.." Mathias said before his head hit the desk and he promptly fell back to sleep, not finishing his sentence.

!Hockey!Hockey!Hockey!EEH!

"Okay, I've decided that since you guys haven't been playing hockey your whole lives that we should skip school and I'll explain how the game works. So the basic's ar- What's in your hands?" Matthew stopped his explanation when he spotted a thick yellow book in each of their grasps.

"Ever since you told us about the try-outs we've been studying the sport! Da-ze~" the energetic Korean bounced up and down, slipping a little in the unfamiliar skates.

They all held up their books: Hockey for Dummies.

Matthew just blinked. And blink some more.

Gilbert gave a low whistle "those Asians sure are industrial people." Ivan just nodded from his spot on the ice where he was stretching. He had his legs in a 'V' formation and was reaching out with his fingers to touch his skates. For such a big guy, he was pretty flexible.

"You read the whole book?" the Canadian asked in shock, staring at the yellow help book that was the size of a phone book.

"And others! We read the history of Hockey, statistics and strategies, and the rule book!" the brunette started listing the books they read on his fingers while the captains just stared in disbelief. All their mouths dropping simultaneously. They were completely baffled at their studying skills.

"Day-um. The Asians really are going to take over the world one day" Gilbert muttered after the shock worn off. Elizabeta 'mhmm'ed in agreement. She decided to join them since she was the captain of the girl's hockey team and Mei was a potential new teammate. She liked the temperamental but sweet girl and thought she would be an excellent addition to her team. The others agreed whole-heartedly.

"Do you understand the game? Does anything confuse you?" Matthew just wanted to make sure that they didn't have any questions before they got started.

"Nope! It's a fairly easy sport to learn. There are six players on the ice. The Goalie, two defensemen, two forwards and one center" the boy began to explain. "The game is an hour long and has three periods, each roughly around 20 minutes but sometimes it changes like 15,20,25" Im Yong-Soo relied the information he gained over the last few days, looking proud of himself with his puffed out chest.

"The concept of the game is to get the puck, the black rubber disc, into the opposing teams net with a wooden or metal hockey stick. The goaltenders job, along with the defensemen, is to stop the puck from scoring" Mei joined in. "The team with the most points at the end wins" she stated the obvious.

"It is like the official national winter sport of Canada. The first organized game was totally played on March 3, 1875 in Montreal" Leon stated in the same mannerism as Feliks that lack a Chinese accent. Unlike the other Asian, the boy from Hong-Kong had an English name. His parents were already Canadian citizens before he was born. They had decided to give him that name but made his middle name Chinese like most of the Asian families in Canada. Despite the way he spoke, his face remained expressionless just like Lukas'.

"It was played in 1875?" Gilbert looked down at the Russian who just shrugged his shoulders, motioning that he didn't have a clue either.

"Okay this is going to make this a lot easier than" Matthew smiled at the three of them "Now we can focus on getting familiar with the new skates and equipment." They had to trade their white, slim-fitted, pointy figure skates for bulky round-tipped black hockey skates. The three of them had stumbled a bit when they first touched the ice with the skates (luckily they were already worn in so they didn't have to worry about stretching them out) and maneuvering their bodies funnily since they were not used to being restricted by padding.

"The first thing we do when we get on the ice is skate around on our side for a few minutes. Skate forward for a few rounds and then switched to skating backwards. After that we do the same thing but in the other directions. The coaches will knock the bucket of pucks onto the ice so that we can stick handle while we do that" Gilbert began walking them through the exercise that the team normally do before a game. If it was practice then they were not limited to half the rink.

Ivan then showed them the stretches the team goes through together in a circle or lined up (which ever Matthew wanted to do that day). He showed them the one he was doing before, switching from reaching to one foot to the next. Switching onto his knees from his butt, Ivan also demonstrated how they stretch their legs while holding their sticks for balance. He then got up and stretched one arm over his head while he used the other to hold it at the elbow. He repeated for the other side. After a few more exercises, he finished up by twisting his torso while he held his stick on his shoulders. "Understand, da?" the three nodded their heads, also finishing up.

"We do that every time so we don't get injured during the game by pulling something" Matthew informed from his spot on top of the net where he resided during the whole ordeal. He and Gilbert finished away ago, already knowing the routine by heart. He ordered them to skate a few laps to get comfortable in their skates.

The four captains skated to the bench, hopping onto the barrier to watch the others skate. They were already getting used to the changes. Their eyes kept following their process until they skated passed the door. Three out of the four raised an eyebrow at the spectacle.

"..is that Lars?" Gilbert asked, astonished. Sure enough the Dutchman was waving a hockey stick above his head, fiddling with the lock mechanism on the door leading onto the ice.

Matthew just looked slightly annoyed but at the same time amused. "Yup. He wants to try out for the team. I tried convincing him not to since it would just be a waste of our time but he somehow thinks that the sport is easy and that he could do it too" he rolled his contact (since he didn't like wearing glasses while he played hockey) clad eyes.

"That's because we make it look easy since we are so awesome. Me moreso than you guys, though" Gilbert kesesese'd before getting a pinch to his cheek by Matthew.

"I think he is lonely" Ivan almost sounded sympathetic but the others knew that the sugary tone meant that it highly amused him. It was true that all of Lar's friends were on the hockey team but it shouldn't have mattered since the boy was with them all the time. Maybe despite being constantly by their side, he was feeling left out.

"That's stupid. He's our water boy. Just give him a helmet and he can sit on the bench with us during the games" the albino waved his hand dismissively.

"Lars! Take off the skates and just chill in the box! You're going to hurt yourself" Matthew cupped his hands over his mouth to make a makeshift megaphone so that he would be heard by the boy who finally got the door to open.

"How hard can skating beEEE!" As soon the white figure skates touched the ice his feet flew out from under him. He landed on the ice with a THUMP. The sound of applause echoed in the stadium as the others clapped, mockingly. They even started yelling out scores, judging his fall.

Lars was still on the ground groaning when Mattie skated over to see if he wasn't dead. "Hoockey sucks" he moaned, sitting up on his brusied butt. He sat there with his fists pressed up against the ice between his out stretched legs. He looked like a kicked puppy when he looked up at his friend with his lower lip sticking out and wide eyes. "Maaattie, teach me how to skate" the boy whined.

The boy in question just rolled his eyes before he hefted the stoner up to his feet where he began to wobble.

"Okay I'm going to teach you guys how we usually skate in hockey which I assume is faster and is more studier compared to figure skating since we have to be wary of body checks and other physical contact" Matthew began to skate backwards to the others while he held Lars' gloves, slowly pulling the boy.

He finally reached them after a few stumbles where Lars' had to clutch at him.

"We bend our knees and keep them shoulder width" he made the Dutchman demonstrate "and we make a upside down 'T' with our skate. The bottom one will push out and that will propel you forward. You alternate between skates, using your stick for balance by keeping it in front of you but do not put your weight on it." The three who actually had a chance at making the team nodded. Lars just scrunched up his face in confusion.

He made them do a few laps skating the new way while he help Lars take baby steps before he left to get one of those red bars thingy that they gave to five year olds when they were teaching them to skate.

The tall blonde was mocked by the three sitting at the bench while he held onto the contraption. He flipped them off but wiped out when he lifted the one hand off the thing keeping him balanced.

The next few hours were spent teaching them how to slap shot, deke (Matthew's specialty), body check (just the basics since they were not going to be used as goons and Mei wouldn't even be able to utilize it since the Girl's league prohibits body contacts), stick handling amongst other skills.

"Eat pasta before a game" Gilbert said with a mouthful of poutine. They were taking a half an hour break and made someone go for a poutine run so they didn't starve to death.

"Keep your skates on the vent overnight before practice and games. Nobody like frozen hockey skates" Ivan also mumbled before stuffing a forkful of fries in his mouth, a string of cheese still attach to the rest of the poutine. There was a mumbled of agreement and a mutual dislike of frozen hockey skates.

"Also Powerade will stain the white jerseys so watch out that you don't spill" Elizabeta also pointed out.

"Actually my mom told me that you could get it out with toothpaste" Gilbert smirked at the annoyed Hungarian.

"Nuh-uh"

"Yeah-huh"

"Nuh-uh"

"Yeah-huh"

The duo was gradually picking up speed with their banter back and forth, acting just like the brother and sister off of 'Emperor's New Groove'.

"uh okaaay. Ignoring those idiots. You should bring an extra stick onto the bench just in case the one you're holding breaks against the boards or something. Either we'll hand it to you or you can jump over the bench and someone will replace you" Matthew continued over the bickering couple.

Im Yong Soo wrote all the new information in a little notebook, actually taking notes of the lesson.

"Do you guys still want to do this?" the three of them looked up from the cheese/fries/ gravy combo with a questioning gaze. "You guys would be the last line and would probably get the fewest minutes of ice time." The other captains looked at Matthew with disbelief. Was he trying to scare away the best option they had?

"That's okay! Da-ze ~ it'll be fun to be on a team" the Korean gave Matthew a warm smile while the others nodded their heads "We've never been on a team before, just partners or singles, and we think that it would be fun to be a part of one." He reached over and hugged Mattie, bringing their heads together. "Especially if they have our friends on them" Matthew slung one arm over and returned the gesture, a smile also sporting his face.

"D'aww" drawled Gilbert who then pretended he was retching. Elizabeta smacked him across the back of his head for ruining such a cute moment before she could take a picture. Just like Gilbert, she somehow stores electronics somewhere in her equipment.

"Whose equipment are you using?" Ivan questioned as he looked at the three Asians.

The other captains stopped arguing and turn to listen to the answer. Where did Lars get his equipment too?

"Mathias lent me his for today when I promised him brownies" the Dutchman supplied from his spot on the ice where he was sitting on his butt (what he's been on since he was falling every minute).

"What kind of brownies?" Mattie asked, intrigued.

"The only kind I make" he winked with a mischievous smirk. His brownies were the best kind there was. "I'll make you some since you helped me learn to skate. Now at least my sister could shut the hell up about it" he promised with his pinky.

"That shaky little boy from Latvia gave me his old hockey stuff when he heard that we were looking for some" Mei explained where her equipment came from.

"I got mine for Erik" Im Yong Soo said. It was also the Icelandic old equipment from last year.

"Mines like from Vash" Leon stated, taking a sip from his Coke. They responded with 'Oh's and 'I see.'

"Why are you wearing figure skates?" Matthew tapped Lars' skates with his own to indicate that he was speaking to him.

The boy in question just flopped onto his back, raising his skates in the air so that he could see them. "Mathias skates were a little too tight so I had to rent these"

"You couldn't rent hockey skates in your size?" Gilbert snickered at the white skates that looked out of place on the bulky legs that were covered in the shin guard and mismatching socks.

"I diiidn't know the difference'" his whine was heard through the laughter.

After the laughter died down and Lars was finished pouting, Matthew hopped off the barrier and gave a final stretch before announcing "I think that should be aboot it. We should probably end here so we aren't exhausted for the try-outs tonight." The others nodded in agreement.

"We're definitely going to make the team" the Korean stood up alongside Mattie, a determined smile plastered on his face.

"You better, eh" the two were standing, facing each other when they clasped their glove together. They brought their helmets together.

The End of Chapter 8!

(I'll start on a longer and better chapter if I get 12-15 reviews so yeah :P)

A/N: I was bored so I just typed this out so it's more of a filler chapter that helps explain the sport. Not that funny but I think I'm in a semi-serious mood as of late or something ha. I think I only make them do extremely stupid stuff when they are drunk :P. It's kind of short but oh well. And I decided to say screw it to the revision until I'm in a mood or in a situation (like a road trip) where I have nothing to do but to write.

Please read (obviously you've already read it since you're reading this haha) and review. I know it's silly but reviews encourage me. They let me know that people are actually reading my stories and want to follow it :] I know that you could just do alert or favourites but I like hearing opinions and helpful tips on my mistakes. It's feedback that'll help me develop as a writer. Plus I'll update faster :D and yes that was a bribe.


	10. Chapter 9: The Benchwarmers!

A/N: Here you guys go :] After the annoying author note, some of you are probably annoyed at me. Sorry! I'll just mention shit in these A/N from now on. I have revised 3 chapters. The first is the prologue but I just fixed little mistakes. The first chapter and second chapter I added around 2,000 words in so yeah haha new stuff to check out :]. For every new chapter I'll revise three chapters until I get caught up.

Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia.

* * *

><p><strong>Deke the Parents: The Benchwarmers<strong>

"Luh-ame." _Flip_

"Stoopid." _Shuffle. _

"Idiot," Gilbert mumbled as he flipped through another piece of paper on his lap. They were the photos and information of the boys trying out at the moment. There were about 25ish papers all together.

Pulling out a black permanent marker from his hockey pants, he used his teeth to pull the lid off with a pop. He then began to scribble over the face giving them mustaches, unibrows and stink lines.

"He's a douche," Mathias also inputted, leaning over the albino to point. They were all sitting on the boards except for the Dane who was leaning over them. He had pointed to the headshot of a short-haired blonde that hit him in the face with a dodgeball during fifth period gym class yesterday. It gave him a bloody nose and he got shit from his mother since 'blood is a bitch to get out of clothe'.

Lars leaned over their shoulders to steal a peek. "His sister is hot though." He made a gesture in front of his chest like he was squeezing something with a lewd expression.

"His sister is in grade nine and is thirteen!"

"What?" he blinked "No!" Lars denied, looking shock at the proclamation. A few years may not seem like a big difference but in high school it is. His friends were going to tease him more about his 'lolicon' fetish. It wasn't his fault that some of the freshmens were well-endowed and looked older for their age. The others just looked like little elementary school kids huddling in the middle of the frickin' hallway making it difficult for the other grades to get passed them. Little bastards.

"You're such a pedo," Gilbert and Mathias both said simultaneously before snickering at Lars' protests.

They spent the next five minutes commenting on the player's pictures and their moms while the try-outs were stretching and warming up. Matthew was nowhere to be seen.

The rest of the Polar Bears had finished practice and were shitting around the rink. They were also there to observe the try-out. For some reason Mattie gave them air horns before he ran off somewhere.

Gilbert, Mathias, Lars (with a caged helmet and the top half of him protected with Mathias' equipment that he chucked off), and Ivan took residence in the 'Home' box. The hockey players stripped down to their waist, ridding them of the sweaty equipment. Lars, being paranoid of getting a hockey puck to the throat, had stolen their equipment and suited up. He made a few comments on the sweaty and stinky state of the pads.

The rest of the team decided to seize the opportunity and headed up to one of the sky box where the luxury seatings were. The boys from the Baltic countries took the chance at getting away from the Russian. Felik followed Toris, who was dragged to the try-out and for some reason was measured by Ivan's sister with a tape measure? Vash just wanted to sit in the plush chairs and ignore the other idiots in the room.

Erik, Tino and Lucas headed towards the box that held the announcers.

Berwald was still suited up and chilling in the net with his arms slung over the top bar with his head hung back as he observed the others.

Another five minutes flew by. The players on the ice were skating around and practice shooting at the net when they neared it. So far nobody got one past the Swede.

Finally the sound of the rink's door opening and hitting the boards sounded over the chatter of everybody.

Matthew stepped onto the ice bashfully, mumbling an apology for being late. Despite his goody two shoes look, Matthew was often tardy for appointments or practices. He skated over to the guys without closing the door behind him.

"Sorry Sorry Sorry," he apologized again before plopping down onto the ice beside them to start on stretching just to be sure that he wouldn't pull anything (he already had practice) and wanted an excuse to hang with his friends even if it was for a few extra minutes.

"Where are the coaches?" Ivan asked, looking around to see if they had showed up with their captain.

"Uh… Well Coach Vargas is on a date with Miss Karpusi and told me that I was in charge of the try-outs."

"Isn't that Hercules' mom? She's smoking hot! That lucky bastard!" All the guys voiced their envy and jealousy. Wasn't he just on a date with Miss. Hassan?

"Well where is Coach Beilschmidt then?"

"My dad is at my brother's soccer game," answered Gilbert. His eyes were downcast, looking at the papers but Matthew could see the eye roll from his seat on the ice. Sibling rivalry… Matthew totally understood. Well kind of. His family didn't even know that he was in the 'competition'.

"Why aren't you playing right now, Lars?" Matthew asked after hearing the news that there was a soccer game that night.

"I had an argument with Mr. Fernandez-Carriedo and called him a pedo for flirting with Lovino and he suspended me from one game." The Dutch boy looked annoyed.

"Hey, Mr. Pot. You got a little black right here," Gilbert teased, rubbing his nose. Lars just flipped him off with a scoff.

"Speaking of Lovino, isn't that him over there?" Mathias pointed to a scowling Italian on skates.

Matthew felt the blade of a skate nudge the top of his helmet as he stretched his legs. "Looks like someone else besides you has daddy issues, Birdie," Gilbert teased. He began kesese'ing but that turned into a squawk when his leg was pulled and he found himself on his ass on the ice.

"I do not have daddy issues. Aaand you shouldn't talk," Matthew stuck out his tongue, biting it when Gilbert pounced on him.

"Guh!" Mattie than found his wrist pinned on either side of his head with the albino sitting on his chest. His eyes widened when he heard the noise a person makes when they hock a loogie. Except that Gilbert wasn't planning on hocking his spit. When the poor Canadian turned his head, he went cross-eyed as he stared at the long string of spit dangling in his face. "GUH!" he shouted out before bursting into laughter and trying to squirm away.

Gilbert murmured something but he couldn't say it properly because of the loogie but Matthew assumed it was something along the lines of 'say you're sorry and that I'm awesome!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! And you're awesome so slurp it back up!" he finally conceded after a minute of struggle.

With a smug smirk, Gilbert slurped it back up but not without the end slapping him in the face.

"So where were yo-"the question suddenly died on his tongue as he felt 25 sets of eyes on him. Matthew turned around and cussed. He totally forgot that he was already late which probably meant that they were all ready to go.

"Shit!" he tossed Gilbert off of him and rose up with his back facing them. He had a panic look that he threw at his friend but after a breath it was transformed into cold indifference. They wouldn't take him seriously if he was a meek stuttering doormat.

He skated over. It almost looked like a swagger on ice.

"Hey it's Alfred! Why are you here? Aren't you the captain of the football team?" a boy questioned, looking confused.

**EEEEEEEEEEAH!**

The loud noise startled everybody judging from the lurch of their shoulders and widening eyes. Matthew lowered the air horn in his left hand. The Canadian had to count to ten slowly.

"When any of the team blows their horns and call out your number than that means that you've been cut…soo number-" he squinted to see what number was taped on his helmet "78 you can go home."

The boy just stared in shock for a whole minute before listlessly gliding off in a dazed state. Gilbert double checked to see if the boy's name was highlighted on his paper before crossing it out and putting it down to start a 'cut' pile. It wouldn't do them good if they cut one of the few people they deem worthy of being on their team. Luckily the boy wasn't marked.

"I'm his brother. Matthew Williams." he finished calmly to gain their attention back.

"Who?" a boy frowned, his eyebrows crumpled as he was blunt with his question.

**EEEEEEEEEAH!**

Matthew let go of the button on top. His eye was twitching not too unlike Raivis after too much caffeine. The boy threw his stick on the ground, cursing. After his little temper tantrum, which were amusing to the audience on the sideline, he also joined the first boy in the dressing room.

_Scratch!_ Another unmarked name was checked off with a smirk.

Im Yong Soo waved at him. Even his practice jersey was baggy on him so the sleeves went past his wrist. Leon just stared passively at him, waiting for instructions.

"Hey! Can we eliminate people too?" Mathias shouted, waving his air horn to catch Matthew's attention. All the guys started cheering when Mattie nodded.

A few of the try-outs gulped.

"You guys are trying out to be Polar Bears," it was an obvious statement but it brought their attention back from staring in fear at the laughing maniacs in the box. "I'm gonna tell you now. We aren't looking for anymore goons. We have enough of them." The idiots sitting on the boards gave a cheerful wave at the mention of them.

"What we are looking for are second string players" he looked around and all the faces didn't look surprised at that fact. They didn't pass the first try-outs so they couldn't bitch about it. Hell they were lucky to be given a second chance. "When one of those morons-" he pointed his thumb to the waving morons "get kicked out from fighting, penalty or have game suspension then you will have to cover for them." They all nodded in understanding. Some looked put out and a few looked relieved. The Asians gave him thumbs up.

"Sure if you could body check or fight like Ivan than maybe I'll be impressed and reconsider but those chances are slim. What we're looking for is agility and stick handling. Both factors will be needed for a power play or to score." Those who looked put out brightened at that.

"This is how we're going to do it today," he brought two fingers up to his mouth and whistled. A loud 'Desu-yo~!' was heard along with the clacking of skates against the flooring. A familiar short figure stood in the doorway with a wide grin and striking a heroic pose much like Alfred's.

It was Peter Kirkland in his full uniform.

"How come you left the door open? I was supposed to slam it open in a grand entrance!" he whined, a pout forming on his lips.

"Why is there a little kid on the ice?" someone asked warily, staring at the air horn with nervous eyes.

"Hey! I'm going to be a Polar Bear captain and we're going to be number one and I'm going to score the most goals ever!" A few were caught off guard at Peter's declaration.

"This is Peter. He's a twelve year old with some skills and like he said there is no doubt that one day he'll definitely be a Polar Bear." The small blonde boy gave a triumphant grin at the acknowledgment. "If he outskates you or scores more goals than you or is able to take the puck away from you than you're cut." It was the quickest way he could think of to do the try-outs. He told his family that he went to Gilbert's house for a video game night. He didn't have all night to spend here at the rink. He also had a persuasive essay to do…

There were murmurs amongst the crowd.

"Horse shoe."

It was the easiest shooting exercise. The group began to make a semi-circle formation around the goalie. They had to split up into two groups and switch off after every round.

As soon as the last person took a shot the air horns began blasting.

**EAAAAHH!**

"Number 52! I don't like your face!" Mathias shouted out at the dodgeball thrower.

"Number 88! You smell funny!" Gilbert yelled out to a boy who called him a freak the other day.

"Number 37! You won't let me look off your test in history!" Lars had leant over and pressed Gilbert's horn again.

"What? You're not even on the team! You can't kick me off!" the boy screamed, throwing his hands in the air.

"I am too! I'm the water boy!"

The boy looked at Matthew for confirmation.

"That is true. He is the water boy," Matthew said. "He's an es-" he was going to make a comment about how Lars was vital to the team and that his opinion mattered but he was interrupted.

A static noise echoed in the stadium before a monotone voice crackled over the system.

"Number 22… You're annoying," Lukas said very bluntly. Erik's voice could be heard in the background scolding him for being so direct. Lukas didn't care. Nobody gets away with saying his hair pin was girly.

All the aforementioned players started fighting on the issue, trying to argue that it wasn't fair to judge them after one shot. They would've continued fighting but they promptly stopped and fled when Ivan got up and started making his way over.

"We are such petty bitches! And I fucking love it!"Gilbert shouted with glee, clapping his hands like a retarded seal. The try-outs gulped after hearing that the team had no problem with cutting them if they didn't like them personally.

Matthew was okay with this. He didn't want douchebags on his team. He needed a team that gets along and is able to work well together. What good is a team if they had conflict within the dressing room?

He also needed players that would be able to handle the insanity that is his team…

Maybe it was the clipboard and whistle around his neck that made him feel like such a badass and maybe the power was going to his head but fuck it. This was his team and he was going to make it awesome.

**TWEET!**

"Next round."

"This is going to be a long night, da?" Ivan smiled before reaching into his the bulky hockey pants that makes everybody's butts look big and pulled ou bottle of vodka. Holding the bottle between his thighs, he unscrewed the top of his water bottle and tossed the remaining water onto the ice.

"We shall make it more enjoyable, yeah?" his smile crinkled his eyes as he poured the alcohol into the white bottle.

"Fuck yeah!" the other three cheered, holding out their water bottles too.

Everyone looked up when they heard music. It sounded like a very familiar tune started playing.

"_I'm going down to South Park. Gonna have myself a time_~"

South Park was playing on the Jumbotron. He pinched the bridge of his nose and gave a quiet sigh.

He looked over to computer room and saw Eduard bent over a keyboard and tapping away while staring intently on the screen, pushing buttons. He was hacking into the system and playing the show. Knowing him he would've probably been able to put up a movie that wasn't even in theatres yet with those mad skills of his. He had Lukas and Erik looking over his shoulders, glancing at the Jumbo-tron occasionally.

When he peered at the luxury box he almost clutched his face in exasperation. They were already munching on stale popcorn that they probably jacked from the concession stand that was no doubt locked up. He didn't even question how they got into the canteen. He knew his team knew how to pick locks and hack into systems.

He couldn't really blame them. They had the huge stadium to themselves. This didn't happen very often so might as well fuck around.

Hopefully the TV show would distract some of the players and he could cut them. As harsh as it seemed, he really wanted to get this over and done with. Maybe he could have a day or two before another problem was thrown at him. Maybe a surprised drug test or more family issues.

He probably should go see the optometrist about that eye twitch.

* * *

><p>Two hours and four drunk assholes later.<p>

They were finally down to ten people. The Asians had so far avoided elimination and surprisingly Lovino was also holding in. There did numerous drills that mostly involved shooting, stick handling and agility. Peter had gotten rid of a few 'B' players and a few that were highlighted on Gilbert's papers.

"Work hard, Bobby Lee!" Mathias screamed at Im Yong Soo as he skated by, too drunk to care if the boy got the reference or not.

"Who's Bobby Lee?" the Korean stopped in front of Matthew and asked since he was still sober and was probably the best person to understand a drunk Gilbert and his humor.

"A Korean comedy actor on MADtv. You don't want to be called that since he's basically the butt of every joke on that show," Matthew answered without looking away from the players. He didn't want to miss an opportunity to eliminate someone. A few more gone and he'll be able to make a decision based on skills and compatibility with his team. He was planning on getting them back on the ice but with the state they were in it would just be a waste of time. The three idiots and one psycho were currently singing the Bad touch song and making obscene gestures at him. He snorted at Gilbert's pelvic thrusting.

The TV show had ended and Eduard had hooked up a graphic tablet to the computer and had brought up Mathias' hockey photo for Lukas. Lukas seemed to be enjoying himself (who could tell with his lack of facial expressions?) as he doodled on the Dane's face. He had already drawn a mustache and a unibrow with stink lines.

"I mustache you a question, how would you think I would look if I did actually grow facial hair?" Mathias asked out loud, stroking his smooth chin.

"Let me mullet over," replied Gilbert. They both burst out laughing like it was the funniest thing ever. And after a water bottle full of vodka, it was. In the midst of his laughing fit, Lars toppled backwards and onto the floor. Luckily he was on the door to the box and landed on the rubber flooring without hitting the back of his head on the bench which would hurt like a bitch in the morning despite the helmet.

Matthew, seeing the whole ordeal, chewed on his whistle and watched with an unimpressed expression before calmly skating over and putting the helmets back on the other three intoxicated morons. He didn't want them anymore brain dead than they already were.

He whistled again which caused his four team mates to whistle back. Mathias wolf whistled, Gilbert tweeted? Ivan just whistled as loud as he can and Lars was too drunk to whistle and ended up just blowing a raspberry. Covering two of their mouths with his hands and somehow quieting the other two, he called for a water break which was met with 'thank you, god!' and 'oh my god, yes!' from the exhausted players. Peter was bent over, huffing and puffing as he held his knees. Berwald (his babysitter on weekends) skated over and handed the bottle he kept at his net to the tired boy.

"Laaaaaaaaaaaa-vinoooooOOOOoh~!" Gilbert sang out, elongating the Italian's name more than necessary. Lovino was skating by looking like he was going to drop dead any seconds.

"What the hell do you want, Potato bastards number two?"

Lars scrunched his eyebrows in perplexity. Did he call Gilbert shit since number two means crap? But wasn't that a prudish way of saying it? Wasn't the Italian known for swearing? He said 'Bastard' or 'Damnit' every second word, didn't he?

"Don't hurt yourself, Lars," mumbled Matthew as he passed by and saw the scrunched up concentrated face he had on.

He was way too drunk to be thinking this hard. Sober Lars will figure it out if Hungover Lars remembers it tomorrow morning. Stoned Lars would definitely find the solution. He was as good at philosophy as Hercules.

"I'm never number two! The awesome me is always number one!" Gilbert yelled out.

Lovino just rolled his eyes. At least this potato bastard wasn't tainting his pure little brother. Although he could do without the hugs that Gilbert sometimes assaults Feli with.

"What do you want?" the Italian finally relented, too tired to bitch out the others.

"Aren't you like a soccer player? Shouldn't you be at the game?"

"I couldn't since the try-outs were tonight," he snapped, his cheeks turning redder and redder.

"B-but why _hic _are you trying out for hockey?" Mathias looked confused. Sure Lars hung out with them but he was an exception to soccer and hockey players disliking each other.

"He has daddy issues~" teased Gilbert, giggling and swinging his legs like an ecstatic little kid.

"You guys do not handle vodka that well." Matthew watched them clap like retarded seals and bang their legs against the board. Ivan was the only one not to be affected all that much. He was just grinning at the others antics, happy that it was so lively. Mathias and Gilbert could drink their weights in beer but the hard liquor sure did hit them hard when they downed it like water.

"Shut up, bastard," hissed Lovino, his eyes narrowing at the albino's words. The gloves grew tighter on his stick indicating that he was clenching his fists. "That's not it at all! I just don't want conditioning work-outs every day until the next soccer season!"

"No no don't worry! Matthew and Gilbert have daddy issues too," Mathias reassured the fuming boy much to the aforementioned chagrin who both tried to argue that they weren't.

"Ooooh! I see! That's why he's dating the Spanish teacher!" Lars exclaimed wide-eyed, hitting his fist against his palm like he just had a revelation.

"Huh?"

"Well you know girls who have daddy issues always date older guys or are just slutty? And they date older guys that look like their fathers. I think it's like trying to find a replacement for their dads who didn't love them or approved of them or some shit like that." Lars lifted up the water bottle to squirt the liquid into his mouth but all that came out was a little 'ppshft' sound. He made a little 'aw' noise in the back of his throat.

"Mr. C does have brown hair like your fathers,' the poked fun at the flustered boy. They knew he was Italian and a soccer player to boot so the chances of him throwing fists were slim. Hell him and Lars both go withering on the ground clutching their shins if anything remotely touches their legs. Typical soccer players.

The boy just sputtered for a moment before he went into a minute long swearing rant that cussed all their mothers and them until he was panting for breath. The angry outburst received a polite golf clap from the thoroughly impressed offence line. The Italian skated off in a huff.

"I should get back too. I don't want to be here all night," Matthew mumbled before giving a sigh and skating off.

He really wanted to watch the new episode of 'Family Guy' that night which he wouldn't be able to unless he started cutting people.

With that in mind he set off with a determined glint in his eyes.

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><p>10 devastated hockey players later:<p>

He decided to make them do a shoot out to get rid of a few more. If you make the shot than you're safe and could wait on the side and get another water break. The last two were getting the shaft.

"-and then I kicked the Pringles can and it ricocheted off the garbage can and nicked me on the forehead. And that my friends is how I got my scar," Lars proclaimed, tapping his forehead with an odd sense of pride. "There was blood gushing everywhere! It even got on my sister." Obnoxious laughter echoed in the stadium.

"What do you tell girls who ask?" Matthew asked with a knowing smile.

"Ninja star," he admitted with a sheepish laugh. The others joined in. Of course he wasn't going to tell cute girls what an idiot he was. She could find that out later.

Shaking his head with a small smile, Mattie lifted himself up so that he could sit beside the others as they observed the try-out. So far, due to their petty attitude and the lack of skills, more than half the boys that showed up were already cut.

He blew the whistle and called out the numbers for the remaining two. Peter was the third last to make it which probably meant that the boys left were most likely above his skill levels. He shouted another order which was meant with whining that was instantly silence when he lifted the horn.

Reaching the five minute mark, he had air horned 5 boys for falling behind Peter. This exercise was dreaded by everyone on the team since it was so redundant and tiring. It was just skating up to the first line and back. Thaaan you skate to the next line passed the first line and then back again. So on and so on until you reached the end and most likely had to repeat the process since their coaches were sadists.

Matthew blinked. Grimacing, he realized that his eye contacts were getting dry and were irritating the eye. He tried blinking a few times but it didn't seem like it was helping. He decided to close his eyes for a moment to give them a rest.

That lasted 30 seconds.

"You must be brain dead!" an irritated voice rang out that had a tinge of a German accent. Gilbert and Elizaveta (who had shown up after the girl's try-out at the other rink) were arguing again about some ridiculous thing. "You probably got so stupid from the back of your head hitting the headrest of the bed too many times."

'Oooooh's and 'oh no he just did not!' were heard from the watching audience that they had.

"You bastard!" she huffed, smacking his upper arm in annoyance.

"What? I don't get it," a voice with a tinge of a Latvian accent in it piped up from behind them. Raivis had come down to refill his coffee mug and decided to stop by to see what the other guys were talking about. Whatever it was, it sounded interesting.

"He called her a stupid slut," Ivan clued him in a cheerful voice. Visibly brightening up when the small defenseman came around.

"He's not very nice to her," Raivis scrunched his eyebrows in confusion before taking a large sip from his coffee mug. It had York flavored creamer in it.

"It's just how they are. She insults him all the time too. It's basically an 'I love you' in denial talk so don't mind them," Lars clarified. They turned away from the bickering 'couple'. A distinct 'Ping!' rang out as a skillet collided with Gilbert's skull. German cursing promptly followed after with much dancing on the spot while he clutched the growing bump on his head.

"You better watch your back, Gilbert!" she warned, welding her trusting cooking utensil in her hand.

"Yeah? Well you should spend less time on yours," he snapped back, crossing his arms with a 'humph'.

There were much 'oh snaps' and 'ho damn's from the crowd. The Hungarian had to laugh along with them since it was a pretty good comeback.

"I find nothing wrong with how they interact," Mattie admitted. He constantly saw this at home.

"That's because your love role models are French and English and are constantly insulting each other and trying to choke the other one out." Lars looked highly amused at Matthew's programmed definition of love. One of the downsides of living in a dysfunctional family.

"So a normal couple doesn't act like that?" Matthew looked genuinely blown away with that statement.

"I'm buying you a book," he mumbled, poking the Canadian in the nose. "I am actually concerned about your upbringing," the Dutch boy said, shaking his head with a little laugh.

"Why? because I have two dads?" Matthew asked, his voice held a threatening undertone to his words.

"No. It's because your dads are crazy," Lars said simply. Matthew couldn't argue with him on that.

Matthew was going to retort with a comment of the Dutch's dysfunctional family but dry heaving cut him off. They all looked up to see someone bent over with his gloves on his knees trying to puke up his supper. Thankfully nothing came up and Matthew decided to let them stop for a water break. He got rid a few players so the exercise served its purpose. He called for a stop and ordered another water break which almost brought the boys to tears of happiness.

His attention was brought back to the bickering duo. Gilbert was trying to make the conversation more hush but was not succeeding. He then tried to convince to have the discussion in private.

"Just consider it please? It'll be **awesome"** Elizaveta purred, trying to coax whatever she was trying to get Gilbert to do with his favourite word. Gilbert just scowled at her. Why couldn't she ask him when he was sober or possibly somewhere private? Was she hoping that he wouldn't make a scene in front of their friends? He was drunk so of course he was going to make a fuss.

"Red rover." Gilbert glanced away, a blush lighting his pale skin. The girl squealed in joy, bouncing up and down before giving him a hug. A quick kiss to his cheek and she was off giggling with the other girls.

"See now, little bunny," Matthew frowned slightly at the cute nickname "that is how couples should act. That's normal." Lars nodded in his wise stoner way. He then scrunched his forehead after a thought "but it's not normal for those two…" he mumbled before screwing his face into a pout from the sourness of the skittles he just munched on. Matthew had to agree with him on that. Those two weren't even a couple.

"What do you think 'Red Rover' means?" Mathias leaned in between the two sitting boys. He was stroking his imaginary beard. He was perplexed at why the two words got the Hungarian so excited. It even made her sport a nosebleed. Wasn't it just a children's game that little kids played in elementary school? Were they planning on playing it naked?

"I'm kinda curious too," admitted Lars, watching the German drink heavily from his water bottle. He tossed a handful of skittles into his mouth.

"I'm pretty sure it's a code word," Matthew speculated, a thoughtful look on his face. The other two gave him a blank look for a moment before their eyebrows slowly rose up in piqued interest.

"Code word?" they asked together. They had a ton of those amongst the team whether it was for hockey or outside of the rink when they were checking out girls or drinking. But they never heard of that one.

"Do you remember whenever someone tried to start a game of Red Rover in grade school, the person they asked will always say 'I'll play if you find other people to play'" the two nodded, smiling fondly at the memory. "Well… I think the same rule applies here" Matthew finished, picking at the ice shavings on the blades oh his skates.

"Oooh I see!" Mathias looked happy at actually understanding. "But what do you think its applying to?"

"Well why don't we get Gilbert to tell us?" Lars answered with a sly smile before cupping his hands around his mouth. "Hey Gilbert!" the German looked up at the sound of his name "Let's have a drinking contest!" he shook the bottle of vodka (it was in Ivan's hockey pants but everybody ignored that fact) for emphasis.

Ten minutes later of shots for shots:

"-And _hic_ when I went to check my email on her laptop I saw that she was writing something so I-" he burped "- de-decided to _hic _read it and it turned out to be porn written about me and that band geek Roderich!" He had to tell the story over Lars' throwing up in the garbage bin. It was very colorful from all the skittles he was eating that night. Nobody could drink the German under the table. He had a small audience that included the few try-outs that survived so far. The albino was beyond drunk and had very loose lips after so much vodka. Lars took one for the team but at least they knew what was going up. "And that's not even the worst part! I've always knew she was a pervert but to this extent? Sure I could deal somewhat with her writing a smutty story but nooooooo-_hic-_oooooh she wants us, yes **us** meaning all three of us, to re-enact those scenes! She wants me to have a threesome with her and that pompous asshole!"

Matthew and Mathias began to have uncontrollable giggles.

"So hehe what does Red Rover mean?" Mathias asked innocently. He nudged Matthew who nudged him back, shaking from holding in his laughter.

Gilbert stared at him dumbstruck for a second before he muttered "Oh I wanted to play naked Red rover."

"Are you going to do it?"

"What? No!" he answered too quickly; he put on a face that looked like he was outraged.

"Duuude, it's totally okay to have a threesome with another dude. Just don't forget the rule: Do not make eye contact," Mathias shrugged. There were murmurs of agreement.

"There is nothing _hic_ to d-discuss and if there vas ve are _hic_ definitely not discussing it here!" he shouted before clasping a hand over his mouth. He soon joined Lars at the garbage can, retching up the vodka and twizzlers.

"Um… do you want us to do another drill?" a boy piped up. The others looked at him in horror. This was like the equivalent of asking a teacher if they had homework.

Glancing at the clock, Matthew shook his head. It was getting late.

They all looked at him and he stared back, blinking owlishly. A look of realization flashed on his face when he grasped that they wanted to know who made it.

"Uh… Leon, Im Yong Soo and Lovino made the cut," he stated which brought on a loud whoop from the Korean and an astonished looking Italian that stammered a 'chi-chigi!" in surprise. "The others can be the back-ups and are welcomed to come and practice with us to polish up their skills for next year," he also mentioned as compensation to the others after he saw the dejected looks on their faces. It'll be good to have back up players just in case a good portion of their offence line were thrown in jail for some crazy shit they would most likely pull.

The sad players skated off in a cloud of gloom. Sad pandas.

"So three and some hours later we finally weeded out the douchebags and we ended up with Mr. Sexual Harassment, Mr. Anger Management and a cross breed of Lukas and Feliks."

Lars and Gilbert returned from puking up their guts. They opted out of vodka and took a normal water bottle. They each took a mouthful, swishing it around before spitting it onto the ice. Berwald had also skated up with Peter on his shoulders since the little boy was pooped. He definitely earned his Power Ranger Halloween costume.

They looked at each other before they all started nodding their heads with a satisfied face which was their bottom lips jutted out and eyebrows raised, showing their approval.

"I think they might just be crazy enough to survive this team."

**The End of Chapter 10! **

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><p>(Please review :] anon are welcomed. I'm hoping for 15-20 reviews since this was kinda lengthy and if I do than I promise to make the next chapters awesome!)<p>

Finished this at an odd hour in the middle of the night and was too tired to check so if I made any mistakes than I'll be sure to make Awake Susan fix them so no pointing out my mistakes until two days because I seriously cannot sleep over 2 days :P. Also note that this story is not serious so don't over analyze this shit :P There is no deep meaning in here haha just shenanigans. And if a scene just suddenly ends than sorry that's just how I write. I'm all over the place and I forget to go and finish a part sometimes :P.

A/N: I wasn't looking forward to writing this but oh well. It would've bugged the hell out of me to have the team so small so I guess it had to be done. I'm looking forward for the next chapters though so those should be fun ^^. Oh my god Italian and Asian hockey players? Of course! :D

Sorry for taking so long but I get addictions (not bad ones so don't worry :P). I just discovered otome games and I've been playing them whenever I get a spare moment. Now I'm debating whether to add romance into the story (I've been debating for awhile. I don't know who. If I do it won't be the main focus of the story). I'm okay with both yaoi and het but don't worry it's not going to be **BAM!** Threesome on the ice! I have a few people who don't like yaoi and I'm not quite sure if I have any boy readers (shout out! I'm kinda curious now) so it would be kinda awkward **BAM!** Orgy in the dressing room! I couldn't bring myself to do that lol I would be laughing too hard at myself for attempting a sex scene. And plus I don't think it would be really effective on the ice since it would take them like five minutes to strip with all that equipment plus the skates! With the sharp blades and everything. Who would be in the mood after that ordeal and with the possible chance at getting castrated? I'll contemplate that (the romance not the sex part :P**) BAM!** On the zamboni! I am having way too much fun saying **BAM! **Or this could just be a whim *shrugs* I am a very fickle woman :]

Any male readers out there? Anybody with a Y chromosome? Is it a tacofest out there?

I also know that Canada might be OOC but I guess I just wanted to write a story about idiots and their shenanigans :P.

Please review :3 I'll write the chapter faster this time since I'm actually looking forward to it. 15 reviews :D

And don't worry! I actually look forward to writing the next chapters! So it won't be all shitty like :P. I am demanding 15 reviews :D I'm almost at 100! So Yay :D! Thank you for the support :3 without it I would've already got bored and wandered off somewhere.

**Note: **Yes it's a long A/N sorry sorry :P Just wanted to say that this chapter would've been up sooner but my internet was being an ass. Blame Estonia! 15% of Canada's computers were affected with a virus that was created by like 6 Estonians. Every time you saw an ad, they got paid or something. It was called the DMScharger Malware or something. So while the government or whoever was fixing it, they had to put the computers on temporary servers so it was crap. So that's why I couldn't update... plus I started a new game :o.


	11. Chapter 10: Operation Fat Ass

Okay I decided no on romance since writing it is not my strong suit. Plus theres like a buttload of yaoi and romance stories for Canada and barely any friendship ones. It's like 136 to 36 or something. I'm also loving the bromance between the guys and I don't want to mess it up. Also the threesome thing with Gilbert, Roderick and Elizaveta is amusing me way too much. If you want romance or yaoi than either be happy with the small amount that happens in the background or feel free to write a oneshot based off this. And I feel like I wouldn't have freedom to write their craziness if there's love drama. But who knows if I change my mind…I'm very fickle lol. And sorry to those who came here for some prucan but the story was tagged as friendship so you took a chance on that ha. Who knows, if it's in high demands than I might be convinced but at the moment I'm not planning any chapters or ideas of romance for Mattie. I could also write another story :] I have a few ideas bouncing around my head. And some of your guy's suggestions are tempting haha I might consider making another story.

I'm surprised that this story is fairly popular. Usually the stories with a lot of reviews is either romance, smutty or is just fanservice. Thanks to all my reviewers :] and those who read the story.

Since I got 16 reviews relatively quickly, I decided to start it and release it when I hit 20 just so I can re-read it over and add more after a breather (that makes sense in my head)… never mind lol I got distracted with other things.

I'm on a 14 hour trip so I decided to try and finish a chapter. I even put my laptop on power save mode so it won't die in four hours. It died.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. If you think I did then you are silly ha. And Please do not copy whatever they do in this story. They are fictional characters. So I am not encouraging hazing (a lot of people got injured/died), underage drinking, smoking pot, or anything. Especially drinking and driving.

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><p><strong>Deke the Parents: Operation Fat Ass<strong>

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><p>Matthew opened his eyes and blinked in confusion.<p>

He was standing in the middle of the ice surrounded by screaming fans. One half was wearing purple and the other half was wearing red. Each side screaming and chanting. Blow horns were being blown into and glass being pound on.

All the noise and motions were disorientating.

In his dazed state, he looked up at the Jumbo-tron and gaped. It read in big bold flashing letters.

**Junior League Final! Kelowna vs. Toronto**

They had made it to the finals! Everything seem so surreal.

A giant polar bear mascot that had their hockey jersey on was jumping up and down while waving his hands in the air. When did they get a mascot? It began to point at the other's team zone.

He was so dazed that he almost tumbled over when a red player blazed by him followed by a blur of purple. He felt a smack on the back of his helmet that sent his head forward. In the corner of his eyes he saw Gilbert's flashing red eyes that looked beyond pissed.

"Dude! Get your head out of your ass and get it into the game! We have a minutes left! We need to score now!"

He nodded, dumbstruck. He had a moment to snap out of it before he felt the puck smack into his outreached stick.

He began to skate, the others left behind him besides the other team's defense.

Something was off. His vision was slightly blurry. Everything was hazy around the edges except for the two players in front of him wearing bright red jerseys who for some reason had their backs turned to him. His contacts must be dirty or something.

The rush of adrenaline he felt during a game wasn't hitting him full force like it usually did. He felt like he was having an out of body experience as he rushed down the ice, the puck getting handled by his stick. Maybe he was having medical issues during the big game. He sniffed to see if he smelt burnt toast.

He concentrated on his breathing to settle the mild panic attack that he felt at not feeling in control of his body. Inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale. The pounding didn't lessen but he became was able to focus on the game in his semi-panicky mode. He ignored the screaming audience in the stadium and narrowed it down to the two defenseman standing between him and the goalie. He was still a distance away from the, he felt like he was skating on the spot because they were not coming closer. They still hadn't turned around. He was sure the game was still in play since he didn't hear the whistle blow. Was something happening in the stands?

He finally was approaching them after what felt like an infinity. His heart was pounding in his ears.

Finally the two started to turn when he came into range.

Matthews pounding heart finally stopped and his eyes widen at what he saw.

Piercing green and blue eyes glared back at him.

Alfred and Arthur were staring at him through the face shields of their helmets, decked out in full hockey equipment and wearing the opponent's jerseys. The expression on his father's face was absolutely livid as he glared fiercely with his fuzzy eyebrows lowered. Alfred was looking like the cat that ate the canary with his shit-eating grin, his eyes slightly manic.

He couldn't stop even if he tried to. He felt like screaming but nothing would leave his throat. The two lifted up their sticks and grabbed a hold of the other's end. With his momentum, Matthew ended up skating in between them. He felt the sticks as they hit his throat. For some reason he didn't have his neck guard on and felt the cold metal against his Adam apple.

They had clothe-pinned him.

The force caused the top of him to come to an abrupt stop while the bottom of him had to follow physics and kept on going until his chin hooked on the stick which made his feet fly up from under him. He suspended in the air for a moment before he felt the sinking feeling in his stomach as he began to fall backwards. His screams finally rang out as he continued to fall, not meeting the ice. The further he fell, the bigger his brother and father grew until they were giants staring down at him. Another figure skated up to them. The red goaltender. He took off his helmet and briefly shook his longish blonde hair with flourish before pulling an anguish look and sadly muttered "Mon cher… I am so very disappointed in you. I cannot stand to look at you."

He continued to hear insults and harsh words pour from his whole family as he continued to fall.

"I can't believe you would do something so stupid, Matthew."

"I only have one son."

"How could you do this to us?"

He couldn't bear looking at their furious/wounded faces any longer and turned his body… only to see the approaching surface of the ice.

He let one last frightful yell before it went completely black.

* * *

><p>"AAAAAAAAaaaaaah?" Matthew screamed out loud, bolting upright in his bed. His sheets were damp with sweat and tangled around his body.<p>

"Mathieu! What is wrong?" Francis shouted out, bursting into his room with flourish.

"AAH!" Matthew screamed again when he saw his father's face. Francis had some green glop smeared all over his face; a pore strip placed across his nose and had his hair in weird scrunchies. It was a pretty scary sight to wake up to.

"Papa has to look pretty for your father" Francis gave a coy wink which is disturbing enough with his normal face let alone this scary one.

"Trust me, Dad. That ain't pretty," Alfred mumbled, trudging towards the bathroom, scratching his belly. He only stopped on his way to see if Mattie pissed his bed. He could've used it as blackmail or teased him with it. Too bad Mattie had a strong bladder.

"You wound me," cried his papa dramatically as he followed Alfred down the hall once he found out his youngest wasn't being killed.

As soon as he realized it was a dream and that he was safe in his bed at home and that his family hadn't found out his secret quite yet Matthew tried calming down his heart. He did the same technique as in the dream which resulted better than it did then.

His breathing method was interrupted by an annoyed grunt from the foot of his bed. Peering over the edge, Matthew stared at a disgruntled Kumajirou who was staring up at him (unimpressed) from on top of his clean laundry basket. A pair of boxers were hanging off his head. The poor dog was looking through one of the pant legs. Matthew had ended up kicking the poor mutt off the bed in the midst of his nightmare.

Not the greatest way to wake up.

"D'aww. I'm sorry, Kuma." He picked the fluffball out from his not-so clean laundry basket and back onto the bed where he flopped down with a huff. Whether or not if he even tries, the dog is always messing up his clean clothes.

Flopping down next to the pup, Matthew slung his arm over his eyes and thought about the ominous dream. He was fairly superstitious (everybody on the team was, especially Lukas) and this nightmare made him slightly nervous about the future. There have already been close calls of his family discovering his secret and they only avoided it with sheer luck. How far can their luck run?

* * *

><p>Stifling a yawn, Matthew slumped into his usual seat at the table. Even the smell of bacon and eggs couldn't rouse him from his half-sleep state. He was never a morning person and the dream didn't help either.<p>

Alfred, of course, was wide awake like he had just had five energy drinks. He was blabbering on about his kick ass dream last night where he was Superman. Arthur had his newspaper opened up and was doing the crosswords, making 'mmhm' noises at Alfred to pretend he was listening. Francis was at the stove whistling a happy tone as he made his special omelet.

_Thunk._

Matthew lost the remnant energy he had to keep his head upright, letting it fall onto the table where he started dozing off again. He heard a 'clink' in front of his face and felt a chaste kiss to his temple before a hand ruffled his bedhead hair. His papa had set his plate beside his head.

"Thamkfth yoo," he mumbled into the table cloth. He mustered up the energy to turn his head stare at the food before he scootched closer to his breakfast. Sticking out his tongue, he somehow got a hold of a bacon strip and started to munch on it without lifting his head. This was his normal morning routine. He could always get away with it since his uptight father was always berating Alfred off for **his** bad table manners. Sometimes being not noticed has its perks.

"Matthew, get your head off the table. That isn't proper table manners. I raised you better," an English voice scolded.

_Crap._

Reeling in the last inch of bacon, he rolled his head until it was his chin propped on the table. After the small feat, he placed both hands on either side before he lifted himself up with more effort than it should've taken.

"Did you do what I asked you to?" Arthur inquired, lifting up his cup of coffee to take a dainty sip.

"Mon amour let him eat without you nagging at him. Can't you see the poor boy is tired?" Francis gave a light smack on his lover's thigh to chastise him for pestering his sweet little boy so early.

"I already did it," Matthew mumbled, yawning behind a hand so his father wouldn't comment on his table manners again.

He had to pee in a cup again. He had to numerous of times since the first drug test. After the first few disastrous mishaps when he tried pissing in the small plastic cup in the morning (where he isn't exactly the most coordinated) he decided to do it over the bath tub so his papa didn't freak out at a messy bathroom.

"Here," Matthew muttered, stretching his hand across the table to hand his father the cup of pee. The exchange happened right in front of Alfred who was in the midst of taking a sip from his glass of apple juice. Seeing the yellow fluid he pulled a disturbed face and sat his apple juice back down before pushing it away in disgust.

"Ew! Uber Gross!" he complained, getting up to get a glass of milk instead.

"Why doesn't Alfred have to do these tests?" Matthew sulked. He would've crossed his arm in frustration but that caused energy which he didn't have at the moment.

"He has. He has to take one at the beginning of each football season," Arthur said, placing the cup on the counter to test later.

"That was once. Why am I being forced to pee on my hands every morning? It isn't fair." Matthew had no problem voicing his opinion when he was in his 'zombie mode' which his friends and family dubbed his early morning state.

"True but he doesn't have riff-raffs as his best friends," his father answered bluntly with an unpleasant scowl. "He has that Kiku Honda and that Lithuania boy. They seem like nice boys unlike that Gilbert, Lars and Mathias. That Ivan fellow is also extremely off-putting."

He couldn't argue against his father. His friends aren't exactly model citizens. Especially against Kiku and Toris. And frankly he didn't have the strength to.

Before both his brother and father could scold him on his choice of friends, a knock interrupted them followed by it opening and a cheerful good morning.

"Hi Mr. and Mr. KB! Is Mattie up yet?" Mathias cheerful grin grew bigger at sighting a slumped over Canadian in a chair. He swaggered over. Matthew narrowed his eyes, unsure if the Dane was going to be ruthless in his 'wake-up' call and be a total dick about it with his stupid squirt gun or be gentle. Why couldn't Berwald have come instead? He was like a dotting parent to him in the morning.

"D'aww. Your prince didn't kiss you awake yet?" A finger began to mercilessly poke his cheek while gleefully starting a mantra of 'squishy~'. Matthew got his answer at that. It was going to be a 'Total dick' kinda morning.

Matthew mumbled some unintelligent protest about not being able to sleep last night.

"Awh, poor baby. Was there a pea under your mattress keeping you up, princess?" Mathias joked playfully. Matthew just stuck his tongue out.

"Come on, sleeping beauty. We have to get going. Will this wake you up?" An extra large Double-Double from Timmie's popped up in front of his face followed by a wrapped bagel.

A smile soon began forming instead of a pout at smelling the familiar aroma and seeing the familiar brown cup.

A sip from the most addicting coffee ever seemed to have woken up the Canadian a little bit. Enough that he was able to stumble out of his chair.

"Olive juice," he muttered before taking the bagel and unwrapped it. He took the remaining strips of bacon and the half an omelet and stuffed it in before taking a big bite.

"Olive juice you too in the least gay way possible, brah," Mathias laughed, ruffling the messy bedhead. His hair was also considered 'bedhead' but he, unlike the sleepy boy, could pull it off awesomely. Hell he didn't even brush his hair. Just roll out of bed and into his truck. Lars on the other hand takes longer than his sister in front of the mirror to prefect his updo.

"Dude, why are you here so early?" Alfred's loud voice cut in their little bromance moment. His eyes were narrowed in suspicion. Was he forcing Mattie to be his nerd? Was his little brother doing this person's homework?

"Bro, like we're going to the mall," Mathias replied, not noticing the accusing stares that Matthew's brother and father were sending his way. "We have to buy a present for Gilbert since his birthday is coming up." It was a plausible lie. Slowly the two went back to their breakfast after casting a warning look which the Dane overlooked.

"Mathieu, I'll give you your allowance now then." Francis wiped his hands on a dish clothe before going to his leather jacket. He emerged with a few bills.

"Merci, papa," Matthew thanked his father as he received the money. He started heading out until he heard a 'ahahah.' Rolling his eyes, he backtracked to give his papa a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You are just adorable," a cooing voice teased behind him.

Before he could tell his friend to shut up his father started to coo with him but earnestly. "Isn't he? When he was tiny he just loved giving everyone Eskimo kisses. It was just the cutest thing ever!"

"Papa!" Matthew cried out. His face was burning red. He looked like he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him up.

"Eskimo kisses?" Mathias of course knew what those were since he had relatives who moved to Greenland and had told him about it but he wanted this embarrassing conversation to continue at Matthew's expense.

"Et es when you rub ze noses together," Francis informed him, grabbing the end of Mattie's nose and tugging on it a little.

Matthew slapped his hands on his face and groaned into them. Thankfully his papa didn't offer to—

"Do you want to see his baby pictures? He has ze cutest tush!"

_Maple!_

"Oh my god, of course I would," Mathias was shaking visibly from holding in his laughter. He was getting so much material to tease his friend with!

"No, no he wouldn't!" Matthew shouted out in desperation. He had to manhandle the Dane out the door. His papa's amused laughter could be heard as they headed for the truck.

"You know I hate you," Matthew groaned knowing that he was going to be mercilessly taunted by his friends.

"Bitch, I know you love me," Mathias laughed, giving the sulking boy a quick Eskimo kiss. He had to dodge a hand as it went to smack him away. He chuckled as he jogged to the driver side.

"Wh't took ya guys so l'ng?" Berwald mumbled as soon as Matthew hopped in the backseat.

"Nothing," Matthew answered, hoping that they wouldn't find out.

"You guys are going to find this to be the cutest thing ever."

_Thunk._

Matthew's head banged on the headrest in front of him.

* * *

><p>After Mathias had told everyone in the locker room what happened that morning (while he avoided getting his mouth taped shut by hockey tape courtesy of Matthew) did Matthew tell everyone about his dream.<p>

Mathias rifled through Lukas' backpack. The annoyed Norwegian smacked the back of his head numerous of times but that didn't seem to deteriorate Mathias' resolve to find whatever he was looking for. With a triumphant 'aha!' he emerged with a dark blue book with silver pages in his hand.

"A dream book," he answered the unspoken question. He began flipping through the book while dodging Lukas' hands that were trying to snatch it back. "Did you say that your dream had a polar bear in it?"

"…Yeah?"

He flipped furiously through the book, ignoring the pissed of voice that shouted at him not to tear the paper. He looked up with a serious look and said "That means that you're gay."

"Oh shut up."

"Was it dancing?" he asked the questioned like it was gravely important.

Deciding to play along with his stupidity, he sighed but nodded.

More flipping. "Uh… hmm. Let's see… aha! That means you're super gay!" Mathias gave him a wide eyed look with a huge grin, pretending that it was all exciting news.

"Whatever, dude," he shook his head with mirth, trying to fight the smile from breaking loose.

"And you mentioned that Gilbert was in this dre- Ah!" Knowing where this was leading, both Gilbert and Matthew threw the first piece of equipment they found in their bags. Lucky for Mathias neither had grabbed a skate but he could've done without the too small cup being launched at his face.

"Okay Okay but what do you think the dream means?" Matthew asked after successfully extracting his revenge with the Captain's crotch protector.

"I agree with the book. You're gay, dude. Just embrace it," Lars teased. He had to dodges a flying shin guard.

"You're just being paranoid from all the close calls you had this year," Ivan added. He grinned at the Canadian before going back to re-taping his stick. The tape before had red stains on it.

"Maybe it's just a premonition. It doesn't mean that it'll definitely happen. It's just a warning to be more careful," Lukas muttered. He finally got a hold of his book. Said book was then used to chop Mathias in the head.

"It's a nightmare, dude. Stop drinking maple syrup before going to bed," Gilbert mumbled into his cell phone where he was typing furiously. Probably in a heated argument with Elizabeta. He grabbed one of the many syrup bottles from Matthew's stash and started sipping on it while reading whatever she said back.

"It's the future! We're all going to get busted!" Raivis shouted in a panic. He almost spilt his mug of coffee because of his little outburst. His left eye was twitching as he sipped from his fifth cup of coffee with shaky hands.

They all stared at him for a moment.

"…Okay now that's a problem," Gilbert concluded. Ivan must have agreed since he grabbed the cup of coffee away from the shaking boy. He gulped down the rest before the boy can even comprehend that his coffee was stolen.

"It's Irish," the Russki said in surprised.

"Okay that's another problem," Gilbert stated.

There was a pause before everyone snorted or burst out laughing. Who on the team didn't have a 'problem'. This was probably the most problematic team in all of Western Canada. Hell probably all of Canada!

Ivan had a personal liquor store filled with top quality Russian vodka stocked up in his cubicle. He kept it in full view because who would get mad at him? He was motherfucking Ivan. Gilbert had a mini keg stashed under his seat hidden by a practice jersey. Mathias decided to go with a little mini-fridge where he filled it with mini bottles of alcohol (probably a lot of it from the hotel where they stole the master key card). Matthew's cubicle looked like a Canadian tourist store by how many bottles of maple syrup he piled in there and the polar bear plushie. Everyone was pretty damn sure that Vash had hidden a revolver or some type of gun in his. Raivis had a coffee machine hooked up in his, dripping the whole time he was there. Berwald whole cubicle was basically a collage of Tino, pictures after picture of the small Finnish boy decorated the wall behind him (Tino had given up trying to take them down. More would just pop up the next day). Tino only had one picture in his cubicle. A picture of him with Santa Claus at the mall. It would've been cute if he wasn't the same age he was now when it was taken (Actually, he still was pretty darn cute in the picture). He still believed in Santa and nobody was going to take away his innocence with telling him the truth (also the wrath of Berwald would be pretty scary). Lukas had a small book collection of spiritual/supernatural books on his top shelf. If you squint you could see a voodoo doll with messy bedhead tucked in the corner. It had a moronic grin plastered on its face. Feliks had a mirror taped to the side and pictures of him, Elizabeta and Belle covering a lot of the other space. Iceland's seemed fairly normal which was actually considered weird in that dressing room.

Even the new team mates, who were filling up their cubicles, were looking like they were pretty weird themselves.

Their conversation ended as soon as the doors opened and their coaches walked in. Coach Vargas has a yellow tape measure in his hand and Coach Beilschmit had a clipboard. Coach V had a bigger grin on his face than he usually did. He was probably ecstatic that his oldest son was on the team. Everyone knew that today's practice was going to be easy with his happy mood. Thank god that they didn't have to skate suicides.

"Ciao! You guys are looking lively this-a morning, especially you, Matteo," the Italian cheerfully greeted.

"Are we having practice this morning?" Gilbert asked. His father told him to tell the others to wait before getting dressed.

"Ja but we wanted to take your guy's measurements before heading out onto the ice," his father answered. "Since ve are a full team now we thought ve should order some track suits vis your guy's numbers, positions and names on them."

"Okay now strip off your shirts," Vargas announced with a clap.

"Gilbert."

The albino swaggered over to Coach, grabbing the bottom hem of his t-shirt and lifted it up to pull it over his head. He would've looked cool if his big head didn't get stuck.

"Sonuva—" he started cursing as he struggled to get his head out.

While he was distracted, Coach Vargas took his measurements, yelling it out loud so the German man can hear and write it down on the clipboard.

Once the process was finished, the Italian pushed Gilbert into the general direction of his cubicle where he walked like a drunk man to. After a few stumbles and bumps, he made it back to the safety of his seat.

"Here," Mattew offered, gently assisting Gilbert with his escaped of the clothe confines.

"Ivan."

The Russian stood up and made his way to the middle of the room. Amongst themselves, his teammates started to make bets whether he was husky, big boned or built like a tank.

"Five bucks that he's solid. Once I bumped into him and it felt like I ran into a wall," Gilbert mumbled to Mathias. They shook hands to make the bet official.

As soon as his shirt was lifted off (much more gracefully than Gilbert) a silent hush fell over them.

"Day-um," Lars said, eyeing the chest with wide eyes.

The Dane handed the bill to Gilbert with a pout.

The big guy was built like a fucking tank... with missiles and shit attached on every inch. What kind of high school kid had a six pack and pecs?

There was a silent agreement among the Polar Bears not to mess with their enforcer.

"You could wash your laundry on that thing!" Lars continued, amazed. He began to poke his stomach and pouted when his finger poked his squishiness. He should probably start conditioning again.

Now it was Ivan's turn to swagger as he made his way back to his seat.

"Mathias."

The boy made his way over with a cocky grin. He faced Lukas and gave him a wink. The boy just narrowed his eyes, knowing that his idiot was going to do something stupid.

The boisterous boy grabbed the bottom of his shirt and lifted it up but only a little like he was teasing. His head began to bob and his shoulders moved to an imaginary rhythm all the while he was lifting his shirt.

Gilbert was the first to figure it out. When he did he burst out laughing and rummaged in his pocket to throw a loonie.

He was giving a small strip tease to the stoic Norwegian.

When the rest figured it out they began giving joking cat calls. He had pocket change thrown at him (some harder than others).

Finally Mathias lifted the shirt over his head. He twirled it over his head a few times before throwing it at the expressionless blonde. Lukas moved his head so the shirt missed and hit the back of his cubicle.

He did not look impressed.

The loud boy only stopped when a hand smacked his bicep. "I can't-a measure you if you are moving," the Italian lightly scolded him.

"Oops, sorry coach," he rubbed the back of his head as he apologized for moving so much.

He received a punch to the thigh when he sat back down.

"Lovino."

The boy looked like he could kill when his undressing was met with laughter. His skin was still a slight tinge of purple. The team had decided that if they were going to be Polar Bears then they had to be hazed. This was only one of the things he had to endure over the last few days. His new tattoo was still covered with bandage.

Leon and Im Yong Soo was met with the same response but they handled it with a happy grin and a expressionless face.

"Matthew."

He stumbled towards his coach, his arms unconsciously crossing over his chest. He was probably the only one on the offence that wasn't built sturdy. He was a bean spout! He wasn't showing ribs or anything. He just didn't have broad shoulders like the others had.

"Matteo, you're such a scrawny boy for an offense! No wonder when you get hit you go flying to the ground," his coach teased him. Although a moment later he looked serious as he prodded the boy in front of him.

"I get right back up though, coach," he meekly tried to make up an excuse.

"That'sa true but if you are able to stay standing than we wouldn't lose that second," the coach responded. The Canadian looked over to see the assistant coach writing an extra note on the clipboard. "It'sa decided! You have to gain weight by the end of the week. If not than Coach Beilschmit will be in charge of your diet and trust me he can be kind of a hard ass."

He looked at his teammates and a few of them understood that that couldn't happen. If Matthew's diet drastically changed because of the German's controlling his meals than of course his papa (who is in charge of dinner) would take notice. They had to succeed in gaining weight on their own. At least this way all they had to do was eat more in between Matthew's normal meals.

He worried his lips and thought of ways to gain weight fast while the others were being measured.

He even contemplated various of ways while they practiced. Maybe he could eat whatever his brother ate? He couldn't concentrate on hockey. That practice only proved to show the coach was right as he flew off his skates every time he was hit.

Shoulder slumped; he made his way to Lars' Sunfire so they could head to McDonalds to start on his new objective. He planned on searching the internet for healthy ways to gain weight (He didn't want to feel too crappy from eating too much fast food).

A arm thrown over his shoulders comforted him.

Gilbert chewed on a toothpick as he looked at his friend. A grin growing on his face. "You heard the man. Operation: Fat ass now in commence!" The teen smirked before lifting a pair of aviator sunglasses to his face and walking out the door like it was an actual mission.

He gave a sigh before shouldering the door the albino exited out of.

He better Supersize that Big Mac meal.

* * *

><p>A boy with messy blonde hair stood with his legs shoulder width apart. His arms were slung over his stick which was postioned on his shoulders. He was giving a huge grin and looked extremely happy.<p>

Name: Mathias Køhler

Number: 14

Position: Left Wing

Age: 17

Birth date: October 11, 1994

Height: 6'5"

Nicknames: Denmark

Favourite foods: Beer! Smørrebrød

Pre-Game Rituals: Say something about Berwalds mother and mess up Lukas' hair.

* * *

><p><strong>The End of Chapter 10!<strong>

**(Please review :] It's much appreciated. Reviews that make me happy always motivate me to write :D I'm hoping for 15-20ish since my chapters are fairly long.)**

NOTE: Bad news, guys. I'm going to be living in a place where there isn't internet yet. This set back could prevent me from updating for either a month or more. I'm going to be getting a job and I'm sure I'll pick up the bill but until then I might be slower in a new chapter. I rushed to finish this one and you could probably tell with the shitty quality haha. Sorry :]

No wonder you guys never heard of Kinder Surprises lol I just read an article about it. The border arrested two men from Seattle for bringing over the treat for their family (I think it was a trunk load or something). They fined them up to $2,500 since its such a danger to toddlers because it's a choking hazard and not nutritious. The border confiscated over 60,000 Kinder Surprises in 2011 alone.

WARNING!: Do not drink diet soda (or pop or carbonated drinks. Whatever you call them from where you live). It's actually really bad for you. If you drink a can a day you can supposedly develop MS or get an illness in your brain (I can't remember if it was cancer or a tumor) and type 2 diabetes. It also re-wires your body on sugar. You start to crave the sugar in junk food and start hating the natural sugar like in apples. So really it's not keeping you from gaining weight, its making you crave junk food. And it's even worse if you have two cans a day. Sorry if it sounds like I'm preaching but I just want to make my readers aware since I'm sure not all of you have sisters who watches every and Doctors show religiously like I do. I don't want you guys to have those diseases :] since you guys are awesome (even if you aren't awesome I wouldn't want that person to have them).


	12. Chapter 12: Chubby Polar Bear

Guess who has two thumbs and has access to internet :D This guy! *points thumbs at self*. I'm still figuring out my accommodations up here and other stuff so I don't know if it's going to last long.

You guys are awesome sauce! I got so many reviews and actually got near the 20 mark :D and just in 2 days. It was such a sweet treat to come to when I got a hold of internet.

Wow. I'm passed 60,000 words and there is like no character development whatsoever. *claps slowly* Way to go me haha.

I made sacrifices writing this chapter! I had to wrap my fruit roll up on my middle finger instead of my pointer since I needed it to type :[. I only use this finger for douches (I was going to say assholes but then I read the sentence and burst out laughing).

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia (duh). This whole chapter is a brain fart. I only started writing since I was bored but I was so bored that I was in zombie mode which in all honesty is probably not good for the story. Please refraaaaaaaain from complaining. *drags self away*.

* * *

><p><strong>Deke the Parents: Chubby Polar Bear<strong>

* * *

><p>"I'll like an extra large double-double, a medium hot chocolate and a medium French vanilla-"The voice paused when a hushed whisper from the back interrupted him. "-And a 40 pack of Timbits please."<p>

The speaker crackled out their total.

Gilbert thanked her after Matthew gave him a jab in the gut when it looked like he wasn't going to. Damn Canadians and their politeness. Mattie even apologies to a chair if he bumps into it. Who the hell says 'sorry' to an inanimate object?! A Canadian does.

"Douche." The albino groaned as he rubbed his side to try and get rid of the pain. Too bad he wasn't polite to his friends.

He flopped back into his seat which was on the passenger side. Matthew was at the wheel since it was his father's SUV. The Briton was at home knitting or reading a good book or doing whatever things British people do on a Sunday. The driver normally took the order but Gilbert had to since every time Mattie tried the order takers were never able to hear him.

"_Hi! how may I help you?" A voice chirped out._

"_Hello…I-I'll like a large double-double and a maple dip donut please," Matthew stuttered._

"_Hello?" _

_Matthew inwardly groaned since he already knew where this was going. It happened every frickin' time._

"_Hi? I said I'll like a d-"he leaned out of his window and went as physically close to the speaker without smushing his face against it._

"_Hello? ...I'll give you a minute to decide then." The voice sounded slightly annoyed at having to wait. The line ups were long at Timmie's and people got mad when they had to wait. _

_Clunk._

_Matthew banged his head on the steering wheel._

_BEEP "You" BEEP "Gotta" BEEP "Be" BEEP "Kiddin' me" BEEEEEep!_

"…_Maple." _

"I think we should get a speakerphone for you for your birthday," Gilbert said, poking a finger in the sullen boy's cheek.

"I was going to this year!" Lars laughed, joining in on the torment as he flicked Matthew's ear. "I was going to get a hat and put little speakers on both side and attach a little mouth piece, you know the one singers use, on the bottom so he could talk into it."

The two started laughing at the mental image while Matthew sat in the seat looking unimpressed. He was really starting to doubt his choice of friends. Maybe he should sit with the 'Cool Asians' on Monday.

"…You know you shouldn't piss off the driver. I could easily drive us in the wrong lane" Matthew muttered.

They just continued to laugh as he pulled further up, ignoring the threat.

They were on their way to the hockey rink where they were going to discuss Matthew's weight problem. The decided to get coffee at Timmie Ho's before heading over since Mattie couldn't function properly without it. They were one of the many sheeps waiting in the long line up at the drive-thru. Baaah!

"…You better be hungry."

"I am not eating a whole box of Timbits to myself!" Matthew argued when he was sure that they were far enough from the speaker so the person wouldn't hear his outburst (if she could even hear him at all!). He decided to let the idea of a speaker hat go for the moment (hopefully they'll forget about the absurd idea). You have to pick your battles with idiots since they have so many stupid ideas/plans.

"But you're too skinny. The coach even said so." Lars started poking his gut to prove his point. Gilbert joined in.

Matthew went back to wondering if it was too late to find a new batch of sane, not annoying, normal friends.

* * *

><p>"We have the worst timing. Ten minutes ago it would've been deserted," Matthew groaned as he drove a few feet before having to stop again.<p>

"Only you would go to Tim Hortons enough to know their busy times," Lars laughed from the backseat. The theme song for 'Whale Trails' playing quietly as he tried beating Mattie's score on the Canadian's Ipod. He was addicted to the game! Mattie complained about him killing his batteries but he just waved his hand.

"It's Sunday. It shouldn't even be busy," Gilbert scoffed. "Rush hour on a weekday I understand but this is just crazy." Gilbert shook his head. Canadian's and their Tim Hortons. He still believed that they put nicotine or whatever chemical that was addictive into their coffees. Matt was a Grumpy Gus without his daily fix.

"I'm surprised you even awake, Matt. I was scared shitless when I found out you were driving. I thought you would fall asleep while driving and steer us into oncoming traffic or something." Lars started teasing the still somewhat sleepy boy.

Matthew just grunted. "Don't tempt me."

Not having enough energy to make a comment (which probably would've been incoherent or grumpy) he simply stared up ahead at the truck in front of them. His eyes lazily looked at the driver's license and blinked at it in mild surprise.

The license plate read 'Da."

"I think Ivan is in front of us," he said as he watched the terrified drive-thru lady hand over three medium cups of whatever to a cheery looking Ivan. That was followed by a cardboard container with a spout. It was the thing that company's bring to a business meeting where there was going to be numerous of people present.

Did they buy the whole team coffee?

Gilbert must've been wondering too since he pulled out his phone from his pocket (not from his cup) to dial the Russian's number. After a few rings a 'Da?' was heard.

"Did you guys buy the team coffee?" Gilbert questioned. He was confused. This was too nice of Ivan for it to not be suspicious.

"_What? Why would I do that, comrade?" _Ivan answered in his too cheerful voice that was tinged with a little bit of confusion.

"Vat the hell is vith the big ass jug of coffee then?" The others leaned in closer to listen.

"That is Raivis' coffee."

There wasn't even a pause before the boys let out an 'Ohhhhhhhh' like it should've been totally obvious (on this team it was) to them. A normal person would be alarmed at the Latvian's large consumption of coffee but to them it was completely normal. The only person that came near the boy's love for the drink was Lukas but nobody took notice since he didn't twitch like a vibrator (the girls joke that out of all the guys to sleep with, they would pick Raivis for the vibration). The girls supposedly had a list and everything rating the boys.

The Russian and his little posse drove off towards the arena after hanging up without saying goodbye.

"I've been thinking about this but what if Raivis wasn't shaking because Ivan's a scary son-of-a-bitch. Maybe he's twitching from all that caffeine?" Gilbert said, grabbing his coffee when Matthew handed it to him.

"heh heh… He kinda reminds me of Tweak from South Park" Lars grinned at them. "We should give him a catch phrase that he can say when an appropriate moment comes up."

While Lars was giggling in the background and tossing out suggestion for the Latvian boy, both Matthew and Gilbert discreetly put a finger on their nose and turning to stare at the backseat driver.

"It could be something like –"finally looking up from the device, he saw the two."Fuck!"

Pulling a tenner from his wallet, he handed it to Matthew with a pout. "Douches."

"You know the rules, loser," Gilbert laughed as he grabbed his coffee from Mattie and handed it to the backseater.

Before he could hear any whining from the sulking boy in the back he switched on the radio just as a song was starting.

"Fuckin' Eh! (he ignored Matthew shouting out and claiming that 'Eh' was his word) I love this song!" Gilbert shouted with unrestrained glee. Everyone got overly excited when their favourite song came on the radio despite it already being on their ipods. It just sounded so much better on the radio for some reason.

"Euh!"

A loud feminine grunt along with the albino's yelled out on the speakers as Gilbert cranked up the radio to full blast.

"Mmm, yeah~" Gilbert sang to Mattie who tried to look un-amused with his antics. It only took a few lyrics until all the boys in the SUV was singing along with Cher Lloyd on her hit single 'Want u back' putting more force into their grunts then necessary and making mad faces to each other while they did it.

The counted 17 grunts as they drove on.

* * *

><p>They walked into the dressing room to Im Yong Soo teaching Mathias the Gangnam Style dance moves.<p>

This went on until Mathias decided to do the little dance right in front of a sitting Lukas who was trying to read some sort of Wicca book. This then prompted the annoyed Norwegian to punch out at the boy without lifting his eyes from his book which resulted in Mathias rolling on the ground and clutching his crotch in agony.

"Alright bitches! Listen up!" Gilbert clapped his stick on the ground so it could be heard over Mathias' cries of excruciating pain and over the laughter and taunts. "We have a mission. We have to fatten up Mattie." He declared with a flourish of his hockey stick. Vash and Felik had to duck to avoid getting knocked out with the object.

He chucked the stick to the side, ignoring the cry of pain and not looking to see who his stick had hit. Probably Romano since an angry torrent of Italian was released right after.

"Shut up, Snooki. We have business to take care of." The comment just insured more Italian swears to be thrown his way.

A black marker was pulled out of his jacket. Uncapping it with his teeth, the boy turned to face whiteboard that was strategically placed in front of everyone and started writing in his chicken scratch writing of his. It looked like a kindergartener wrote it. He took a sniff of the marker before capping it again.

**Operation Chubby Polar Bear**

"Let's do my idea!" Mathias shouted from his curled up position on the ground where he decided to reside for the meeting. He also decided to slip his cup into his jeans as a safety measure just in case Norge was still pissed off.

"It's going to be idiotic," sniffed Lukas, flipping his book shut and placing it back on his shelf. Mathias flinched at the sound.

"Mine is better!" Lars yelled out from his squished spot beside Mattie in the Captain's cubicle since the mascot didn't have one and Mattie was nice enough to share.

"Is it getting high, getting the munchies and eating the whole convenience store?" Vash drawled with a scowl on his face.

"All your ideas suck compared to mine, "Gilbert declared.

Twenty minutes of bickering and a little negotiating and everything was settled but it was mostly death threats that made every shut up and cooperate.

Gilbert took another whiff of the marker before writing down the outline that they all agreed upon.

Each proposal will each have a chance to be tested. Matthew would be weighed and measured in the morning and at night to see the difference. The one that gained him the most weight at the end of the day would be his new diet until he wasn't a beanpole anymore.

**-Mattie**

**-Lars**

**-Mathias**

**-Gilbert**

**-Felik**

The marker squeaked as Gilbert wrote down the names of those with ideas. Matthew's protests that it would be better if he knew what the ideas were instead of who came up with it went ignored just like any other sane ideas that were suggested in that room.

"How are we going to decide which one to do first?" questioned Feliks as he watched Gilbert butcher his name on the board. He was sad that the 'i' wasn't dotted with a smiley face or heart.

"…Weell there really is only one logical way of settling this."

They all nodded to eachother.

Plastic mini-sticks with their favourite team on them were whipped out from their bags.

* * *

><p>There was probably more blood involved then there should've been in a normal game of mini-sticks hockey.<p>

In the end Mathias won by using his mini stick in a chopping motion like an axe. The others opted out of going for the ball in favor of getting the fuck out of the way.

"Okay we'll do Mathias' idea since he's a giant douche bag," mumbled Gilbert, his voice a little off pitch since he had two wads of Kleenex stuffed up his nose.

He must've been grumpy over his lost since he manhandled Matthew to the front of the board and began pulling at his hoodie and t-shirt. Once the boy was half naked, he took the marker and started drawing.

"We need to get him some pecs," that being said he began drawing two rounded 'u's on his chest that met in the middle. "It'll strengthen the heart too." He proceeded to draw a small circle on the right side.

"Uh… Gil, the heart is a little on the left side. Not the right," Matthew raised an eyebrow.

"Oh right right! Got it," Gilbert snickered as he drew another circle on the left a little further than where the organ was.

"Also his lungs so he would be able to skate longer without getting exhausted!" two more little circles were drawn within the already drawn circles.

"Next we'll focus on the stomach. He has to have a strong core." Two curvy lines were drawn from the chest downwards until they were a centimeter from the jeans.

While this was happening Mattie was picking at a hang nail. He only looked up from his finger when he heard giggling from a few of his team mates. Once he saw Vash roll his eyes he knew something was going on.

Looking down at his body, his eye twitched when he took a closer look at the lines on his body.

Gilbert had drawn a giant set of boobs on his chest and a rather curvy body.

"It's funny because he could actually pull off being girl," Mathias laughed but then groaned. His lower half was still too much in pain for that action. He was pretty damn sure that Norge had kicked his 'pucks' into his body.

"You hoser," Matthew muttered as he licked his thumb and tried wiping it off only to his dismay to find that it already set in. "Was what you were saying before true about my core?"

"Nuh. I was talking out my butt," snickered Gilbert as he pulled the measuring tape from his belt loop and sniffing the marker again. Was it black liquorice scented?

They weighed and measured a sulking Mattie who was still trying in vain to get the marker off his skin.

Sniff.

Gilbert had unknowingly drawn on his face with the marker, making a little stache that looked a lot like… Charlie Chaplin (or someone else with a small black mustache that rhymed with Smifler).

Laughter was suppressed. They couldn't ignore such an obvious opening like that. It was too perfect to pass up the chance.

Without having to look at each other, already knowing that they were going to do the same, most of the team raised their right arm to a 45 degree (or eye level) and said in an obedient tone "Heil Gilbert!" in their best German accent.

Gilbert just looked up from the board where he was documenting the measurement and stared at them for a mere second before cussing everyone and their moms over their laughter . "We had a truce! No jokes on dictators or leaders! and no holocaust joke! And that include Hitler! Bastards!"

"You made a joke about Stalin yesterday, comrade," Ivan pointed out "and Putin."

"And Mussolini!" Romano scowled, giving the boy the finger.

"That's different! My joke was actually funny unlike this insensitive shit!"

"Oh stop being such a butthurt," Feliks mumbled as he placed his hand mirror in front of Gilbert's face with a flick of his wrist. "It's totally funny."

"You kinda set yourself up for this one though," Mattie laughed as the boy stared at the smudge with a surprised face. A second later he joined Matthew in a desperate attempt to rid the marker from their body.

"Ja Ja I get it. Ha ha whatever," he pouted as he tried the hand soap on the sink. To his alarm that didn't work either. Remembering how Tino (the little clean freak or germaphobe or whatever his OCD) got rid of the dick he drew on Mattie's face during class, he scrambled to the Finnish boy's locker and started rifling through it to find the hand sanitizer.

"How does Hitler tie his shoe?" Lars said out loud so the whole room could hear. Gilbert slowly turned his head towards the stoners, tilting it slightly to the side and gave the boy a warning glare.

Oblivious to the threatening look he was receiving from his friend, the Dutch boy waited for someone to ask 'how?'.

Mattie sighed, knowing that the boy wouldn't continue until someone asked. "How?" he said in a monotone voice, not really expecting an intelligent answer. Most likely the answer was going to issue another violent outburst from their German friend.

"…With little Nazi's (knotsies)!" he grinned at them, flashing his teeth.

The whole team burst into laughter at such a dorky joke. Even Gilbert was laughing along and not choking Lars out.

When things calmed down, the preparation began with Mathias giving a list of supplies to each group.

Vash peered at the board for a second with scrunched eyebrows before he lifted up a finger to scratch at the black lines. "Is this a permanent marker?"

Gilbert looked at him for a moment.

"….Crap!"

A whiteboard was found in the dumpster outside the hockey rink and Matthew and Gilbert tripled their effort to get the marker off so that they wouldn't be in that state for the rest of the week.

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes later they were back in the dressing room carrying a few fast food bags from various food chains such as Mcdonalds, Wendy's, Burger King and A&amp;W.<p>

The Canadian watched in horror as they dumped 2 double Big Macs, 2 Baconators, 2 teen burgers (a Canadian term for one of the burgers at A&W since the US doesn't have the burger family) and 2 Whoppers into a blender with a jar of mayonnaise.

"I figured that eating fast food would be the quickest way to pack on the pounds. And then I thought hey why don't we somehow fit a few meals into one so he could be able to eat an obscene amount of fatty food in one day." Mathias patted the blender with fondness.

The whirling noise covered up Matthew's gagging as he watched the disgusting concoction being mixed. The others around him were also pulling a face in repulsion as it turned into a diarrhea brown color.

"I am soooo not drinking that," Matthew said in horror as they stopped and popped off the top.

"Yes. Yes you are."

"Bock Bock Boooock!" someone started clucking like a chicken. One by one each of the team started joining in until the whole team was bocking and flapping their 'wings'. One person moo'd.

Matthew just stood there with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow. Did they honestly think that would work? He grew up with Alfred where taunts, wedgies, wet willies, Indian burns, purple nurples were used against each other.

"Still not gonna do it," sniffed Matthew.

"… Good luck on my vati's diet then," Gilbert said, his grin slowly growing bigger when he saw the panic look on the Canadian's face. His father was a slave driver as an assistant coach. He would be ten times worse as a personal trainer.

"…damnit." he sighed in defeat. Picking up the blender with a look of pure disgust, he tightly closed his eyes and pinched his nose with one hand and lifted the unhealthy 'smoothie' with the other.

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" they began chanting as Matthew placed it at his lips. He counted to three in his head before tipping it back and gulping down mouthfuls at a time like he was doing a beer bong.

The grease was the first thing that hit the back of his throat. The second was the taste. 17 years of his dad's cooking did not prepare him for this flavor that raped his taste buds.

He was still in shock when he finished the abomination that was created. His body shook with effort to keep the food down. A moment later and his body lost the fight as he brought the blender back to his face to puke up his stomach contents back in it.

A collective 'Ew!' was yelled out by everyone in the room as he hurled.

"That was so fucking awesome hahahaha!" Lars was in tears and holding his stomach with one hand and holding his recording cell phone with the other.

Gilbert weighed again and swore. "God damnit, Mathias! You idiot! He actually lost weight!"

Lukas smacked the back of Mathias head.

* * *

><p>It was unfortunate for Matthew that they had practice that morning.<p>

Berwald looked at the boy moaning against his post (Damn straight it's his post) with a bottle held loosely in a dangling hand. Without saying a word, he placed both gloves on the Matthew's waist and hoisted him in one swoop and lifted him on top of the net.

The sudden pressure on his stomach caused the sick boy to place a glove over his mouth, waiting a few moments for the urge to puke to pass. When it did he flopped down on the taunt netting underneath with a pathetic groan.

Berwald bent over (with little difficulties with the pads) and somehow scooped up the water bottle that Mattie dropped with his stick and glove. There was a thick pink liquid oozing out, creating a small puddle on the ice.

With a quick sniff, the Swede figured out that it was Pepto Bismol.

"Vat is wrong with Matt?" Mr. B asked his son who was re-tying his skates on the bench.

"He's having menstrual cramps," he kesese'd before standing up and skating off to suggest to Mattie that Midol might make him feel better.

"…I don't even vant to know vat the boys are up to," the long haired blond mumbled with a hand to the forehead and a shake of the head.

With a team like this it was probably something crazy.

* * *

><p><strong>THE END OF THE STORY!... haha nah :P Just kidding. <strong>

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><p>(Please review. I'm not going to start the next chapter until I reach review 156 (not 156 reviews lol! Just the number) or maybe if I'm lucky 168. I'm really OCD on numbers (it used to piss my managers off at my job when I tried to take my break at certain times) if someone figures my OCD out than you get a cookie :]) I was going to do a small quick chapter but I got to fucking 25 reviews :DD I would dance if I wasn't sick haha.<p>

I was going to put the whole 'Gaining Weight' arc in one chapter but I decided against it. I decided to do one idea per chapter so I don't get too overwhelmed. I'm going to see if shorter chapters are better or not. And I'm going back to no internet tomorrow (until I visit someone or I get it hooked up so no worries) so I just wanted to update before I go.

My Author's note are way to long… Oh well haha just skipped them if they piss you off (but you have to admit there are waaay more obnoxious AN out there. I can go on a rant about authors doing those little characters interacting with them. It would be okay if it wasn't all OOC or just weird and not funny at all). There are a few out there that do an okay job at not making my eye twitch.


	13. Awesome Meal Time with the Polar Bears

Read some of my story, made little notes in my head to fix a few things and promptly forget said things, and noticed that my Lars is kinda OOC… my bad haha. I just read a blog about Dutch stereotypes and they're hilarious so I'm basing some of Lars' qualities on that :P

Sorry for taking so long to update. Just been crazy busy and all with stinky Calculus and Chemistry :(. And not going to lie but another fandom got a hold of me lately. Hint: Assbutt. That and work. I work at the second most Canadianish store. It's not Timmy's but there are a lot of Filipinos there too :P. Gotta love the little guys . So don't think that I was being a snob and holding out for more reviews :P I was happy with the ones I got (even though some were a little demanding and I may have quirked my eyebrow a little). If I sounded grumpy in any way in a reply than my bad haha I'm just so $ #! Cold. But now I'm adjusted to the weather up north. And don't you guys go giving me sympathy saying 'Yeah it's been freezing here too. Minus 25!" I love minus 25 weather! It's perfect for winter! Not this -40 crap that has a windchill that feels like minus 54. Sorry to the Americans but I don't know how to convert to whatever :P. End of my long excuse.

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><p>Awesome Meal Time with the Polar Bears<p>

"Do I really have to wear the 'Stupid Helmet'?' Mathias muttered, adjusting the bulky helmet on his head. It was a red shiny football helmet with a piece of tape on the front. "STUPID" was written on it in big bold black marker.

A chorus of 'Yes!' was unanimously said from the other occupants in the room.

"You wouldn't have to if you didn't almost make our captain super model skinny by making him throw up his entire stomach," Gilbert scoffed. He was lying on the bench beside the sulking boy. He raised his foot to lightly jab the side of the head. Mathias swatted the offending foot away with a scowl.

"It would've worked if he didn't have such a weak stomach!"

A shin pad was thrown at him from a not so passive aggressive Canadian.

Gilbert intervened before the 'your mama' (or papa in Matthew's case) jokes came out.

"We have to decide who goes next." He got up from his position on the bench with a grunt. "Last time we nearly killed each other with plastic mini hockey sticks." He gave a pointed looked at Mathias (which went unnoticed). "Today we will determine the next person by-drum roll please!"

Lars yanked Mathias' head with both hands and started smacking it.

"The method is going to be Dun Dun Dun Duuuun! A Foosball tournament!" He shouted with unrestrained glee as he pulled off a blanket in the middle of the room.

"…"

"…"

"…How the hell did we not see that?" Matthew looked at the table with a perplexed expression. The thing was massive!

"We were in here for at least half an hour and none of us noticed the damn thing." Lovino stared at the object with a scrunched face. The god damn thing was in the middle of the freaking room and nobody even noticed it!

"Why are we playing the foosball?" Ivan asked."Why not an air hockey table. After all we are-" he gestured to the room around him "-a hockey team, no?"

"I broke my air hockey table and Ludwig let me borrow this," Gilbert snapped back. He flipped those off who gave him a skeptical look. He couldn't let them know that he brought a Foosball table on purpose. Him being German meant he was a natural at the game.

"…You took it without asking him, didn't you?" Matthew said with a slightly exasperated look.

"…He would've lent it to me if I asked." Gilbert replied sheepishly. "But enough about that-"

"You could've just used Norge's air hockey table. His family is loaded! It's really nice too!" Mathias interrupted. Lukas silently nodded beside him in agreement. His father was some big shot petroleum engineer working in Alberta where the big money was.

"Okay enough about the frickin' table! We need to find a winner and its going to be foosball, Dicks!" Gilbert finally yelled out in frustration. He threw his hands up in the air.

Lars stood up, stretching his arms one at a time with a shit eating grin. "You Hockey Bastards are going down! Soccer's my game, Bitches!" he laughed as he sauntered towards the table.

* * *

><p>"Why didn't you get a frickin' air hockey table?! That would've made this at least somewhat fair with the exemption of the bastard over there," Feliks jerked his thumb at the 'bastard' standing on the table with his hands in the air.<p>

"Who's your god now?!" said the bastard on the table.

"At least he didn't repeatedly jab you in the crotch with the handles!" Gilbert shouted from his pathetic little curled up position under the bench. He had a bag of ice pressed up against his vital region.

"In all fairness you did make fun of his hair," Matthew said as he watched the spectacle Lars was making on top of the table. Gilbert just groaned in reply. "You said he was a wannabe Edward Cullen lookalike."

"Get down from there, dumbass! You're going to scuff it and then Ludwig's going to have an aneurism!" Gilbert yelled out before groaning in pain. "Just tell us your stupid plan."

Lars jumped down with a little 'oof.'

"Fine fine but Mathias celebrated his victory for a full five minutes."

"Yeah but his victory dance was cute," Gilbert muttered. Lars grabbed his crotch and flipped off the albino.

With more swagger in his steps than usual, Lars went over to flip off the lights before fiddling with his laptop and the Smartboard. Under the scrutiny of the hockey team, he opened up Internet Explorer which unfortunately wasted five minutes over an argument about which is better: Internet Explorer, FireFox or Google Chrome.

"Are you going to use Bing too?" Gilbert snarked. He had yet to move from his spot under the bench. It seemed he didn't mind the old melted Sour Skittles and balls of used tape stuck on the ground. That or he was still in too much pain to move.

"I was watching this while-"he made the 'okay' gesture and placed it on his lips as if he was smoking "-and you know I'm a fucking genius when high as fuck. So I made sure to write it down on my arm since I tend to forget shit." He began typing in a website after a glance to his forearm. A site called EpicMealTime popped up. "I always wanted to try one of these recipes out."

He began playing the video.

* * *

><p>"How the fuck is this any different than my plan?" Mathias yelled out, waving his hand at the screen in outrage. "It's just cheeseburgers from fast food joints in a lasagna pan with a shitload of bacon!"<p>

"Because it's not blending it into shit," Lars quipped.

"Says the guy who mashes his food into one big mush!" The Dane shouted back, referring to the Dutch cuisine 'Stamppot'.

Lars just flipped him off in response. He began jotting down ingredients on a notepad before ripping off pieces of paper and handing it out to the team. "This has around 71,488 calories. Feliks! how many calories in a pound?"

"3,500."

"Im Yong Soo! How many pounds will he gain if he ate the whole thing?" Lars yelled out, spinning around and pointing a finger at the Asian.

"Just because I'm Asian does not mean I'll know the answer to any math question without a calculator!" the boy shouted back. Im Yong Soo did not look impressed. He wasn't a walking calculator.

"Just say the answer. We all know you know it," Lars taunted.

"…20.425 pounds."

"He's just going to throw up like he did with my plan," the Dane said as he adjusted the helmet on his head so he could see through the bars better.

"Oh we don't have to worry about that." Lars gave a toothy grin, pulling out a sandwich baggie from his back pocket and shaking the contents a little. "I got a solution for that little problem."

* * *

><p>"How come boys are so stupid?" Elizavita asked Gilbert. She reached for an onion ring but her hand was lightly smacked away by the albino. The whole hockey team (and their water boy) was currently using the concession stand's kitchen to do Lars' plan. They were lucky the canteen ladies and janitor adores them.<p>

"Because their blood can only go to one of their heads at a time and it's usually the one down south," Belle answered, snatching an onion ring before Gilbert can interfere. She skipped lunch to catch up on a biology lab she missed yesterday.

"Why do girls were make-up and perfume?" Gilbert retort.

"Because they're ugly and they stink," Lars replied as he passed, sticking his tongue out at his sister.

"Har Har," Elizaveta drawled. She remembered that joke from elementary school. She also remembered kicking Gilbert's butt whenever he said it.

"We're back!" Im Yong Soo shouted. He, Leon and Mei dumped three big McDonald bags on the table which also contained 15 Teen burgers and an order of onion rings from A&W. Team Viking (a.k.a Berwald, Tino, Mathias, Erik and Lukas) were in charge of the A&W ingredients. "Fifteen Big Mac's with no lettuce," Im Yong Soo counted them out as he placed them beside the other burgers.

"15 Baconators from Wendy's," Ivan cheerfully announced with Toris, Raivis and Eduard behind him. Each was carrying a bag from the restaurant. The big guy was munching on a Frosty with a happy grin.

"Big Whoppers here!" Feliks shouted with flourish. He had gone with the girls to pick up the burgers.

Lars began checking off each item on his list. He then ordered Gilbert to start making the Jack Daniel sauce on the stove. Vash was instructed to make the bacon in the oven on cookie sheets.

"This is going to be fucking awesome," Lars breathed out.

* * *

><p>"This makes no sense whatsoever," a scowling Swish muttered to the Polish boy beside him. "Why are we trying to fatten him up with junk food shouldn't we-"<p>

"Shh! This is so much more fun to watch," Feliks hushed him. "My favourite TV series ended and I haven't found a new one to obsess over yet so this is my entertainment this week. Don't ruin it for me with your logic." He bent down to check out the bacon.

Vash rolled his eyes but didn't voice his opinion out loud to the rest of his team.

…His TV show was also cancelled.

"The bacon is done!" Feliks yelled. Using the old burnt oven mitts, he unloaded the four cookie trays of bacon and set them on a cooling tray since Gilbert was using the stove above them.

Gilbert took a swig of the Jack Daniels before dumping the rest into the meat sauce along with a jar of mayonnaise.

"The sauce is done too!"

Things began to progress from there. Someone produced a giant metal pan that miraculously fit 15 burgers.

"Who needs a pan this big?" Elizaveta asked with scrunched eyebrows. Gilbert shrugged his shoulders before lightly pulling her into his lap. The on-again-off-again couple seems to be getting along at the moment since Gilbert didn't fit a 'Girls-should-be-in-the-kitchen' joke into the conversation yet.

"I found it in the back of the cupboards in the Home Ec class," Lovino answered. He had no idea either why someone needed such a ridiculous sized pan. He looked at the bottom and raised an eyebrow. Made in America. He could definitely see this being in Alfred's kitchen.

They started by placing the 15 Big Macs on the bottom of the pan. They somehow squished three in a row and made 5 rows. After that they added a layer of bacon and the Jack Daniels meat sauce. The Big Whopper burgers followed with another layer of bacon and sauce. Then the layer of Baconators with, of course, a layer of bacon and sauce. At last they squished in the Teen burgers, a layer of bacon and sauce. To top everything off they sprinkled the top with onion rings and cheese. And Vola! The lasagna was prepared!

The girls watched in horrified silence as the boys made it. Calculating the amount of calories in their heads, they noses scrunched even more when they figured it out. That was around three weeks of meals squished into one!

"You guys bake that while I bake this," Lars snickered as he grabbed Matthew and led him away. Matthew just looked exasperated at the whole ordeal. He couldn't even look at the thing without remembering puking up the last concoction. His poor stomach squeezed at the very thought.

**End Of Chapter 12!**

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><p>AN: Sorry for such a short chapter. A lot of dialogue too. I'm also thinking of starting another small story since I kinda limited myself in this one. I want another school story focusing on sports but actually add romance to it . So you might see a new story pop up in the next couple of days.


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